Read Ebook: The Comedy of Errors by Shakespeare William

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Ebook has 92 lines and 20575 words, and 2 pages

OFFICER. That labour may you save; see where he comes. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou And buy a rope's end; that will I bestow Among my wife and her confederates, For locking me out of my doors by day. But, soft, I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone; Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me. DROMIO OF EPHESUS. I buy a thousand pound a year; I buy a rope.

Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, from the bay

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Master, there's a bark of Epidamnum That stays but till her owner comes aboard, And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir, I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought The oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitx. The ship is in her trim; the merry wind Blows fair from land; they stay for nought at an But for their owner, master, and yourself. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. How now! a madman? Why, thou peevish sheep, What ship of Epidamnum stays for me? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. THOU drunken slave! I sent the for a rope; And told thee to what purpose and what end. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. YOU sent me for a rope's end as soon- You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. I Will debate this matter at more leisure, And teach your ears to list me with more heed. To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight; Give her this key, and tell her in the desk That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry There is a purse of ducats; let her send it. Tell her I am arrested in the street, And that shall bail me; hie thee, slave, be gone. On, officer, to prison till it come.

SCENE 2

The house of ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA

ADRIANA. Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so? Might'st thou perceive austerely in his eye That he did plead in earnest? Yea or no? Look'd he or red or pale, or sad or merrily? What observation mad'st thou in this case Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face? LUCIANA. First he denied you had in him no right. ADRIANA. He meant he did me none-the more my spite. LUCIANA. Then swore he that he was a stranger here. ADRIANA. And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were. LUCIANA. Then pleaded I for you. ADRIANA. And what said he? LUCIANA. That love I begg'd for you he begg'd of me. ADRIANA. With what persuasion did he tempt thy love? LUCIANA. With words that in an honest suit might move. First he did praise my beauty, then my speech. ADRIANA. Didst speak him fair? LUCIANA. Have patience, I beseech. ADRIANA. I cannot, nor I will not hold me still; My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will. He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere, Ill-fac'd, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere; Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind; Stigmatical in making, worse in mind. LUCIANA. Who would be jealous then of such a one? No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone. ADRIANA. Ah, but I think him better than I say, And yet would herein others' eyes were worse. Far from her nest the lapwing cries away; My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.

Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

Re-enter LUCIANA with a purse

ADRIANA. Go, Dromio, there's the money; bear it straight, And bring thy master home immediately. Come, sister; I am press'd down with conceit- Conceit, my comfort and my injury.

SCENE 3

The mart

Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. There's not a man I meet but doth salute me As if I were their well-acquainted friend; And every one doth call me by my name. Some tender money to me, some invite me, Some other give me thanks for kindnesses, Some offer me commodities to buy; Even now a tailor call'd me in his shop, And show'd me silks that he had bought for me, And therewithal took measure of my body. Sure, these are but imaginary wiles, And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.

Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Master, here's the gold you sent me for. What, have you got the picture of old Adam new-apparell'd? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Not that Adam that kept the Paradise, but that Adam that keeps the prison; he that goes in the calf's skin that was kill'd for the Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. I understand thee not. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. No? Why, 'tis a plain case: he that went, like a bass-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob, and rest them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men, and give them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a morris-pike. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. What, thou mean'st an officer? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band; that brings any man to answer it that breaks his band; on that thinks a man always going to bed, and says 'God give you good rest!' ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any ship puts forth to-night? May we be gone? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the bark Expedition put forth to-night; and then were you hind'red by the sergeant, to tarry for the boy Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to deliver you. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. The fellow is distract, and so am I; And here we wander in illusions. Some blessed power deliver us from hence!

Enter a COURTEZAN

COURTEZAN. Well met, well met, Master Antipholus. I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now. Is that the chain you promis'd me to-day? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Master, is this Mistress Satan? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. It is the devil. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Nay, she is worse, she is the devil's dam, and here she comes in the habit of a light wench; and thereof comes that the wenches say 'God damn me!' That's as much to say 'God make me a light wench!' It is written they appear to men like angels of light; light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn; ergo, light wenches will burn. Come not near her. COURTEZAN. Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir. Will you go with me? We'll mend our dinner here. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat, or bespeak a long spoon. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Why, Dromio? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Marry, he must have a long spoon that must eat with the devil. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Avoid then, fiend! What tell'st thou me of supping? Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress; I conjure thee to leave me and be gone. COURTEZAN. Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner, Or, for my diamond, the chain you promis'd, And I'll be gone, sir, and not trouble you. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Some devils ask but the parings of one's nail, A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, A nut, a cherry-stone; But she, more covetous, would have a chain. Master, be wise; an if you give it her, The devil will shake her chain, and fright us with it. COURTEZAN. I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain; I hope you do not mean to cheat me so. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Avaunt, thou witch! Come, Dromio, let us go. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. 'Fly pride' says the peacock. Mistress, that you know.

SCENE 4

A street

Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS with the OFFICER

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Fear me not, man; I will not break away. I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money, To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for. My wife is in a wayward mood to-day, And will not lightly trust the messenger. That I should be attach'd in Ephesus, I tell you 'twill sound harshly in her cars.

Enter DROMIO OF EPHESUS, with a rope's-end

Here comes my man; I think he brings the money. How now, sir! Have you that I sent you for? DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. But where's the money? DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Five hundred ducats, villain, for rope? DROMIO OF EPHESUS. I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. To what end did I bid thee hie thee home? DROMIO OF EPHESUS. To a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I return'd. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. And to that end, sir, I will welcome you. OFFICER. Good sir, be patient. DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity. OFFICER. Good now, hold thy tongue. DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Thou whoreson, senseless villain! DROMIO OF EPHESUS. I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass. DROMIO OF EPHESUS. I am an ass indeed; you may prove it by my long 'ears. I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service but blows. When I am cold he heats me with beating; when I am warm he cools me with beating. I am wak'd with it when I sleep; rais'd with it when I sit; driven out of doors with it when I go from home; welcom'd home with it when I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders as beggar wont her brat; and I think, when he hath lam'd me, I shall beg with it from door to door.

Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the COURTEZAN, and a SCHOOLMASTER call'd PINCH

Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives

LUCIANA. Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks! ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou, I am thy prisoner. Wilt thou suffer them To make a rescue? OFFICER. Masters, let him go; He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him. PINCH. Go bind this man, for he is frantic too. ADRIANA. What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer? Hast thou delight to see a wretched man Do outrage and displeasure to himself? OFFICER. He is my prisoner; if I let him go, The debt he owes will be requir'd of me. ADRIANA. I will discharge thee ere I go from thee; Bear me forthwith unto his creditor, And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it. Good Master Doctor, see him safe convey'd Home to my house. O most unhappy day! ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. O most unhappy strumpet! DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Master, I am here ent'red in bond for you. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Out on thee, villian! Wherefore dost thou mad me? DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Will you be bound for nothing? Be mad, good master; cry 'The devil!' LUCIANA. God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk! ADRIANA. Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, with his rapier drawn, and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

LUCIANA. God, for thy mercy! they are loose again. ADRIANA. And come with naked swords. Let's call more help to have them bound again. OFFICER. Away, they'll kill us!

A street before a priory

Enter SECOND MERCHANT and ANGELO

ANGELO. I am sorry, sir, that I have hind'red you; But I protest he had the chain of me, Though most dishonestly he doth deny it. SECOND MERCHANT. How is the man esteem'd here in the city? ANGELO. Of very reverend reputation, sir, Of credit infinite, highly belov'd, Second to none that lives here in the city; His word might bear my wealth at any time. SECOND MERCHANT. Speak softly; yonder, as I think, he walks.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

ANGELO. 'Tis so; and that self chain about his neck Which he forswore most monstrously to have. Good sir, draw near to me, I'll speak to him. Signior Andpholus, I wonder much That you would put me to this shame and trouble; And, not without some scandal to yourself, With circumstance and oaths so to deny This chain, which now you wear so openly. Beside the charge, the shame, imprisonment, You have done wrong to this my honest friend; Who, but for staying on our controversy, Had hoisted sail and put to sea to-day. This chain you had of me; can you deny it? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. I think I had; I never did deny it. SECOND MERCHANT. Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Who heard me to deny it or forswear it? SECOND MERCHANT. These ears of mine, thou know'st, did hear thee. Fie on thee, wretch! 'tis pity that thou liv'st To walk where any honest men resort. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Thou art a villain to impeach me thus; I'll prove mine honour and mine honesty Against thee presently, if thou dar'st stand. SECOND MERCHANT. I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.

Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the COURTEZAN, and OTHERS

ADRIANA. Hold, hurt him not, for God's sake! He is mad. Some get within him, take his sword away; Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Run, master, run; for God's sake take a house. This is some priory. In, or we are spoil'd.

Enter the LADY ABBESS

Enter the DUKE, attended; AEGEON, bareheaded; with the HEADSMAN and other OFFICERS

Enter a MESSENGER

MESSENGER. O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself! My master and his man are both broke loose, Beaten the maids a-row and bound the doctor, Whose beard they have sing'd off with brands of fire; And ever, as it blaz'd, they threw on him Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair. My master preaches patience to him, and the while His man with scissors nicks him like a fool; And sure, unless you send some present help, Between them they will kill the conjurer. ADRIANA. Peace, fool! thy master and his man are here, And that is false thou dost report to us. MESSENGER. Mistress, upon my life, I tell you true; I have not breath'd almost since I did see it. He cries for you, and vows, if he can take you, To scorch your face, and to disfigure you. Hark, hark, I hear him, mistress; fly, be gone! DUKE. Come, stand by me; fear nothing. Guard with halberds. ADRIANA. Ay me, it is my husband! Witness you That he is borne about invisible. Even now we hous'd him in the abbey here, And now he's there, past thought of human reason.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS OFEPHESUS and DROMIO OFEPHESUS

Re-enter the ABBESS, with ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

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