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Read Ebook: Love's Labour's Lost by Shakespeare William
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Ebook has 76 lines and 36574 words, and 2 pages
Re-enter the KING, BEROWNE, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN, in their proper habits
KING. Fair sir, God save you! Where's the Princess? BOYET. Gone to her tent. Please it your Majesty Command me any service to her thither? KING. That she vouchsafe me audience for one word. BOYET. I will; and so will she, I know, my lord. Exit BEROWNE. This fellow pecks up wit as pigeons pease, And utters it again when God doth please. He is wit's pedlar, and retails his wares At wakes, and wassails, meetings, markets, fairs; And we that sell by gross, the Lord doth know, Have not the grace to grace it with such show. This gallant pins the wenches on his sleeve; Had he been Adam, he had tempted Eve. 'A can carve too, and lisp; why this is he That kiss'd his hand away in courtesy; This is the ape of form, Monsieur the Nice, That, when he plays at tables, chides the dice In honourable terms; nay, he can sing A mean most meanly; and in ushering, Mend him who can. The ladies call him sweet; The stairs, as he treads on them, kiss his feet. This is the flow'r that smiles on every one, To show his teeth as white as whales-bone; And consciences that will not die in debt Pay him the due of 'honey-tongued Boyet.' KING. A blister on his sweet tongue, with my heart, That put Armado's page out of his part!
Re-enter the PRINCESS, ushered by BOYET; ROSALINE, MARIA, and KATHARINE
Enter COSTARD
Enter ARMADO
ARMADO. Anointed, I implore so much expense of thy royal sweet breath as will utter a brace of words. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Doth this man serve God? BEROWNE. Why ask you? PRINCESS OF FRANCE. 'A speaks not like a man of God his making. ARMADO. That is all one, my fair, sweet, honey monarch; for, I protest, the schoolmaster is exceeding fantastical; too too vain, too too vain; but we will put it, as they say, to fortuna de la guerra. I wish you the peace of mind, most royal couplement! Exit ARMADO KING. Here is like to be a good presence of Worthies. He presents Hector of Troy; the swain, Pompey the Great; the parish curate, Alexander; Arinado's page, Hercules; the pedant, Judas Maccabaeus. And if these four Worthies in their first show thrive, These four will change habits and present the other five. BEROWNE. There is five in the first show. KING. You are deceived, 'tis not so. BEROWNE. The pedant, the braggart, the hedge-priest, the fool, and the boy: Abate throw at novum, and the whole world again Cannot pick out five such, take each one in his vein. KING. The ship is under sail, and here she comes amain.
Enter COSTARD, armed for POMPEY
COSTARD. I Pompey am- BEROWNE. You lie, you are not he. COSTARD. I Pompey am- BOYET. With libbard's head on knee. BEROWNE. Well said, old mocker; I must needs be friends with thee. COSTARD. I Pompey am, Pompey surnam'd the Big- DUMAIN. The Great. COSTARD. It is Great, sir. Pompey surnam'd the Great, That oft in field, with targe and shield, did make my foe to sweat; And travelling along this coast, I bere am come by chance, And lay my arms before the legs of this sweet lass of France.
If your ladyship would say 'Thanks, Pompey,' I had done. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Great thanks, great Pompey. COSTARD. 'Tis not so much worth; but I hope I was perfect. I made a little fault in Great. BEROWNE. My hat to a halfpenny, Pompey proves the best Worthy.
Enter SIR NATHANIEL, for ALEXANDER
BEROWNE. Your nose smells 'no' in this, most tender-smelling knight. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. The conqueror is dismay'd. Proceed, good Alexander. NATHANIEL. When in the world I liv'd, I was the world's commander- BOYET. Most true, 'tis right, you were so, Alisander. BEROWNE. Pompey the Great! COSTARD. Your servant, and Costard. BEROWNE. Take away the conqueror, take away Alisander. COSTARD. O, Sir, you have overthrown Alisander the conqueror! You will be scrap'd out of the painted cloth for this. Your lion, that holds his poleaxe sitting on a close-stool, will be given to Ajax. He will be the ninth Worthy. A conqueror and afeard to speak! Run away for shame, Alisander. There, an't shall please you, a foolish mild man; an honest man, look you, and soon dash'd. He is a marvellous good neighbour, faith, and a very good bowler; but for Alisander- alas! you see how 'tis- a little o'erparted. But there are Worthies a-coming will speak their mind in some other sort. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Stand aside, good Pompey.
Enter HOLOFERNES, for JUDAS; and MOTH, for HERCULES
HOLOFERNES. Great Hercules is presented by this imp, Whose club kill'd Cerberus, that three-headed canus; And when be was a babe, a child, a shrimp, Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus. Quoniam he seemeth in minority, Ergo I come with this apology. Keep some state in thy exit, and vanish. Judas I am- DUMAIN. A Judas! HOLOFERNES. Not Iscariot, sir. Judas I am, ycliped Maccabaeus. DUMAIN. Judas Maccabaeus clipt is plain Judas. BEROWNE. A kissing traitor. How art thou prov'd Judas? HOLOFERNES. Judas I am- DUMAIN. The more shame for you, Judas! HOLOFERNES. What mean you, sir? BOYET. To make Judas hang himself. HOLOFERNES. Begin, sir; you are my elder. BEROWNE. Well followed: Judas was hanged on an elder. HOLOFERNES. I will not be put out of countenance. BEROWNE. Because thou hast no face. HOLOFERNES. What is this? BOYET. A cittern-head. DUMAIN. The head of a bodkin. BEROWNE. A death's face in a ring. LONGAVILLE. The face of an old Roman coin, scarce seen. BOYET. The pommel of Coesar's falchion. DUMAIN. The carv'd-bone face on a flask. BEROWNE. Saint George's half-cheek in a brooch. DUMAIN. Ay, and in a brooch of lead. BEROWNE. Ay, and worn in the cap of a tooth-drawer. And now, forward; for we have put thee in countenance. HOLOFERNES. You have put me out of countenance. BEROWNE. False: we have given thee faces. HOLOFERNES. But you have outfac'd them all. BEROWNE. An thou wert a lion we would do so. BOYET. Therefore, as he is an ass, let him go. And so adieu, sweet Jude! Nay, why dost thou stay? DUMAIN. For the latter end of his name. BEROWNE. For the ass to the Jude; give it him- Jud-as, away. HOLOFERNES. This is not generous, not gentle, not humble. BOYET. A light for Monsieur Judas! It grows dark, he may stumble. PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Alas, poor Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited!
Enter ARMADO, for HECTOR
BEROWNE. Hide thy head, Achilles; here comes Hector in arms. DUMAIN. Though my mocks come home by me, I will now be merry. KING. Hector was but a Troyan in respect of this. BOYET. But is this Hector? DUMAIN. I think Hector was not so clean-timber'd. LONGAVILLE. His leg is too big for Hector's. DUMAIN. More calf, certain. BOYET. No; he is best indued in the small. BEROWNE. This cannot be Hector. DUMAIN. He's a god or a painter, for he makes faces. ARMADO. The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty, Gave Hector a gift- DUMAIN. A gilt nutmeg. BEROWNE. A lemon. LONGAVILLE. Stuck with cloves. DUMAIN. No, cloven. ARMADO. Peace! The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty, Gave Hector a gift, the heir of Ilion; A man so breathed that certain he would fight ye, From morn till night out of his pavilion. I am that flower- DUMAIN. That mint. LONGAVILLE. That columbine. ARMADO. Sweet Lord Longaville, rein thy tongue. LONGAVILLE. I must rather give it the rein, for it runs against Hector. DUMAIN. Ay, and Hector's a greyhound. ARMADO. The sweet war-man is dead and rotten; sweet chucks, beat not the bones of the buried; when he breathed, he was a man. But I will forward with my device. Sweet royalty, bestow on me the sense of hearing.
Enter as messenger, MONSIEUR MARCADE
Re-enter ARMADO
ARMADO. Sweet Majesty, vouchsafe me- PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Was not that not Hector? DUMAIN. The worthy knight of Troy. ARMADO. I will kiss thy royal finger, and take leave. I am a votary: I have vow'd to Jaquenetta to hold the plough for her sweet love three year. But, most esteemed greatness, will you hear the dialogue that the two learned men have compiled in praise of the Owl and the Cuckoo? It should have followed in the end of our show. KING. Call them forth quickly; we will do so. ARMADO. Holla! approach.
Enter All
This side is Hiems, Winter; this Ver, the Spring- the one maintained by the Owl, th' other by the Cuckoo. Ver, begin.
SPRING When daisies pied and violets blue And lady-smocks all silver-white And cuckoo-buds of yellow hue Do paint the meadows with delight, The cuckoo then on every tree Mocks married men, for thus sings he: 'Cuckoo; Cuckoo, cuckoo'- O word of fear, Unpleasing to a married ear!
When shepherds pipe on oaten straws, And merry larks are ploughmen's clocks; When turtles tread, and rooks and daws, And maidens bleach their summer smocks; The cuckoo then on every tree Mocks married men, for thus sings he: 'Cuckoo; Cuckoo, cuckoo'- O word of fear, Unpleasing to a married ear!
WINTER
When icicles hang by the wall, And Dick the shepherd blows his nail, And Tom bears logs into the hall, And milk comes frozen home in pail, When blood is nipp'd, and ways be foul, Then nightly sings the staring owl: 'Tu-who; Tu-whit, Tu-who'- A merry note, While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.
When all aloud the wind doth blow, And coughing drowns the parson's saw, And birds sit brooding in the snow, And Marian's nose looks red and raw, When roasted crabs hiss in the bowl, Then nightly sings the staring owl: 'Tu-who; Tu-whit, To-who'- A merry note, While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.
ARMADO. The words of Mercury are harsh after the songs of Apollo. You that way: we this way. Exeunt
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