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Read Ebook: Punch or the London Charivari Volume 99 September 6 1890 by Various
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Ebook has 81 lines and 13642 words, and 2 pages
A CRITIC, LURED TO TOWN FROM THE COUNTRY.
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
THE BARON DE BOOK-WORMS.
P.S.--So many persons have sent in touching requests to the Baron only to notice their books with one little word, that his library table groans under their weight. To about a hundred of them that one little word might be "Bosh!"--but even then they'd be pleased.
THE NEW STOCKING.
Oh, it was the old Lady of Threadneedle Street, And she held up her Stocking , And she ups, and says she, "I've an excellent notion; Leastways, 'tis one borrowed from COHEN by GOSCHEN; Which nobody can deny!
"How very much better to let 'em remain; Re-invest 'em, in fact! An original brain Has hit on that capital notion, at length, And I'm game for to back him with all my old strength, Which nobody can deny!
"Leave your dividends in my--suppose we say hose-- And the cash, snowball-like, gathers fast as it goes. So my--Stocking will be seen, The latest and best Automatic Machine, Which nobody can deny!
"Think, children, of Ac-cu-mu-la-tive Con-sols! Much better than bull's eyes, and peg-tops, and dolls! Yes, this is the notion, exceedingly knowin', Which GOSCHEN, the Chancellor, borrows from COHEN, Which nobody can deny!
"To the Nation friend COHEN's idea's a great gift; It should lend such a "vigorous impulse to thrift;" Leave your coin in my Stocking--in time it will double, Without giving you, what a Briton hates, Trouble! Which nobody can deny!
"So, dear Little Investors, I trust you'll come flocking, Like bees to the hive, to my last style of Stocking, My new, automatic, self-mending, smart hose, In which cash, left alone, gathers fast as it goes, Which nobody can deny!"
ANOTHER VICTIM.
He has stirred them up pretty well all round already. Good Grandmother GUELPH! Well, with her, 'twas just "come and off!" , And then he drops in upon tired Cousin ROMANOFF. Ha! ha! How the CZAR must have laughed--in his sleeve-- At that "capture," which WILHELM could scarcely believe!
Taken prisoner, the "Travelling EMPEROR!" Funny! Oh, could they have kept him till Autumn was o'er! No such luck! I must stir up, and spend time, and money, In playing the old game of Soldiers! Great bore! Ah, my youthful, alert, irrepressible KAISER, When just a bit older you'll be a bit wiser.
Voecklabruck's pleasant in genial September, And now I must start for Silesia. Ah me! That name gives a KAISER so much to remember-- Would FREDERICK--THE GREAT--have "waltzed round" with such glee, Trotting out Europe's soldiers and ships in this way? Well, the KAISER's a "kid," I suppose it's his play.
THE HUNTING OF THE SNARK.
MODERN NAUTICAL VERSION.
FIT THE LAST.--THE VANISHING.
We sought it with search-lights, we sought it with care, We pursued it with ships and hope; But it seemed to have suddenly vanished in air From under the heaven's blue cope.
We shuddered to think that the chace might fail, And TRYON, excited at last, Went ramping like redskin in search of a trail, For the ten days were nearly past.
"There is Thingumbob shouting!" the Admiral said. "He is shouting like mad, only hark! He is waving his hands, he is wagging his head, He has certainly found the--Snark!"
Then Admiral TRYON he ramped like a lion, In prospect of splendid success. But the Snark, with a spasm, plunged in a sea chasm; Of SEYMOUR one couldn't see less.
"It's the Snark!" was the sound that first fell on our ears, It seemed almost too good to be true. Then followed a torrent of laughter and jeers, Then the words, "It is all a Yah-Boo--"
"A VERY SHORT HOLIDAY."
PICTURESQUE LONDON; OR, SKY-SIGNS OF THE TIMES.
IN THE KNOW.
Yours as always, GENERAL POPOFF.
FROM THE FRENCH--AND THE ENGLISH.
"WEDDED TO THE MOOR."
JOTS AND TITLES.--The busy persons who, in a recent Mansion House list, had found quite "a Mayor's nest" in the highly important question of a Cardinal's precedence, have recently started another scare on discovering that the Ex-Empress's Chaplain at Chislehurst has described himself, or has been described, on a memorial tablet which he had put up in his own church, as a "Rector." Evidently a mistake. If he erected the Memorial, he should have been described as "The Erector."
NOTICE--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.
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