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Read Ebook: Punch or the London Charivari Vol. 146 February 11 1914 by Various Seaman Owen Editor
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Ebook has 347 lines and 16916 words, and 7 pages
Editor: Owen Seaman
VOL. 146.
February 11, 1914.
CHARIVARIA.
SIR EDWARD GREY is to accompany the KING on his visit to Paris in April next. Nobody will grudge the FOREIGN MINISTER this little treat, which he has thoroughly well earned.
Speaking at Toronto, ex-President TAFT stated that the world would have been much worse off without England. We believe that this is so. Without England there might have been no American nation to speak of.
An attempt is to be made to raise thirteen French warships which were sunk when the English and Dutch fleets routed the French off Cape La Hogue. It is feared in nervous quarters that this may be used by the Germans as an excuse for further increasing their fleet.
Although it is frequently stated that our army is fit to cope with the army of any Foreign Power it is evident that the War Office itself is not quite satisfied, and reforms are instituted from time to time. For instance last week it was officially announced that the title of Deputy-Adjutant-General, Royal Marines, had been altered to Adjutant-General, Royal Marines.
"Arising out of" KID LEWIS'S victory last week over PAUL TIL, it is the opinion among a good many Germans that the French Government, being determined that the Entente should not be imperilled, decided to send over a French boxer whom an Englishman could defeat.
Letchworth Garden City is now considered large enough to possess its own police court, and the Herts County Council has sanctioned its erection. Four Letchworth residents have been made J.P.'s, and it is now up to the residue to supply sufficient criminals to make the venture a success.
Last week, in the City of London Court, a man was ordered to pay ?15 damages and costs for pouring a basin of thick ox-tail soup over another man. We are glad that this action has been held to be illegal, as thick ox-tail is such nasty sticky stuff.
Meanwhile what the law is as to clear soup is a point which still remains to be tested.
Mr. "MARK ALLERTON" has suggested that London ought to have a special golf course for beginners. If it could be arranged for spectators to be admitted at a moderate charge we believe this might become one of the most successful places of amusement in the Metropolis.
A suggestion that school children shall be taken to museums, as a reward for good school work, has been made by Lord SUDELEY. This is scarcely a new idea. We remember that when we were at school there was a feeling that the very good boys ought to be in a museum.
"SPRING IN THE AIR."
We are sorry not to oblige our contemporary, but advancing years have taken something from our resiliency.
ANOTHER IMPENDING APOLOGY.
"Dr. Glover, in giving up the Editorship of this most valuable periodical, has earned the grateful thanks of the whole Diocese."
"A ridiculous fad that some society ladies are adopting at the present time is not to place any month on the date of their correspondence, simply giving the day of the year. Thus to-day will be marked '34, 1914.' This is not very difficult, but when it comes to, say, '271, 14,' it will need more than a little calculation to discover the actual date."
Even "to-day" is too difficult for our contemporary.
"POTATOES, POTATEOS."
We don't care for the second helping.
You should hear us gargle in German.
BOWLES WITHOUT A BIAS.
I know a man of simple mind, Gamaliel Nibbs by name, Whose early faith in human kind Burned like a Vestal flame; No wind of doubt that stirs the dust Fluttered that bright and constant taper; But oh, he had his dearest trust Pinned to his daily paper.
Not once he paused awhile to ask Whence was their wisdom caught Who undertook the nightly task Of shaping England's thought; He pictured gods that drove the pen Aloof on high Olympian levels, And not a staff of haggard men Hustled by printer's devils.
Then came a shock eight years ago: The Rads, he thought, were dished; The Tory Press had just to show The People what it wished; And yet, for all its wealth and size, For all its mammoth circulations, The country saw the Liberals rise And sweep the polling-stations.
Browsing on TOMMY'S fearless Tracts, A strong and generous food, He'll take his fill of meaty facts Not to be lightly chewed:-- Corruption in the highest seats; Impotence in the Opposition; The Ship of State, with flapping sheets, Moving to mere perdition.
A sovereign for entrance fee-- And Nibbs is on the list Of patrons who support a free Impartial pessimist; Yet shall his faith not wholly burst; He shares, in common with his "Cap'n," The view that, when we reach the worst, Then nothing worse can happen.
O. S.
THE CABINET MEETS.
A CLEAN SLATE.
THE CLUB MUSIC HALL.
The Royal Automobile Club having decided to enter into serious competition with the Music Halls in order to encourage active membership, it is rumoured that one or two other clubs are determined not to be left behind, and the following announcements may be expected shortly:--
PATH?NAEUM CLUB.
Notice to Bishops-Elect.
Every Evening at 8 and Matin?es at 2.30:
"SHOULD A WOMAN CONFESS?"
Kinoplastieon drama by THE DEAN OF TOOTING.
Evenings at 10:
"THE SARUM LILY" in her marvellous Ecclesiastical Dances.
THE UNITED DIVERSITIES CLUB.
Every Afternoon at 2.30 and Every Evening at 9:
Grand Co-operative Concert and Variety Entertainment.
Davy Lloyd in His Great Land Act, with Troupe of Performing Scotch Woodcocks.
THE RETROGRADE.
"He wanted to see the town grow larger and the dates grow less."
"Come where the dates grow smaller!"
A KEY TO CUBISM.
"Primitive space has entered into us, as it were.... Against that space within us, as against the space that appalled the savage from without, we erect always more hard and logical images.... All brute material, animate and inanimate, of earth, becomes an organism to confront the soul. Formerly the soul as a simple figure, like a ballet, faced the environing vagueness.
From RAPHAEL until PCESZY TURGIDOFF all true artists have striven to adumbrate the eternal conflict between the morbid pathology of Realism and the poignant simplicity of Nihilism. In other and shorter words, chaos must ever be on the side of the angels. But, until the advent of the new Truth, the whole mission of art had trickled into a very delta of arid sentiment. The critic could walk all the galleries of Europe and find nothing to lighten his melancholy until he entered one of those caverns of earliest man and stood in ecstatic reverence before the incomparable masterpieces wherein the first of the Futurists created Man, not as he is to his own dull eye, but Man as he is to the inner retina of the universe. Man, the simple triangle on two stilts, the creature on one plane and of one dimension, an outline without entity, a nothingness staring, faceless, at the nothingness which baffles his soul.
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