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THE ART OF CONVERSATION
Twelve Golden Rules
JOSEPHINE TURCK BAKER
Published by Correct English Publishing Company Evanston, Illinois
THE ART OF CONVERSATION
TWELVE GOLDEN RULES
GOLDEN RULE NUMBER I
He.--Do you know that what you say always interests me?
She.--That is because we are such good comrades.
He.--Not altogether. I think that it is because you never dwell upon details.
She.--Then, one is interesting in conversation according as one omits details?
He.--Unnecessary details.
She.--I remember that, when visiting some friends whom I had not seen for several years, my hostess said to me, "Ever since your arrival, I have been trying to discover why you are so interesting in conversation, and I have decided that it is because you omit unnecessary details." I felt that my hostess had paid me a high compliment.
He.--Yes; but one that you deserve. Now, even in telling this incident, you were direct. The bore would have "side-tracked," and would have told innumerable and irrelevant details. I don't believe you could bore a person if you were to try.
He.--Pardon my interruption, but you are a success.
She.--As a bore?
He.--No; as an imitator. I think that you should have been an actress.
She.--Yes; I think that Nature intended me for one; and I could have "acted." Indeed, I usually find it difficult not to act; that is, I find it difficult to be myself.
He.--Like "Sensational Tommy" in "Tommy and Grizel"?
She.--Yes; in a way.
He.--And why were you not an actress? Was it because you did not know that you had talent?
She.--From an opposite reason. I had so many talents that, like the woman in "Mother Goose," I hardly knew what to do.
He.--That sounds modest. You probably would have been a great actress.
She.--I might not have been. Sometimes, you know, persons who are very gifted seem to miss the best that life has to offer.
He.--I have decided that you are interesting, not because you do not "sidetrack," but because you have such a stupendous amount of conceit. You seem to be fully aware of what you possess. It is delightful.
She.--My talent or my conceit?
He.--Both.
She.--I am sure that if any one else possessed my talents, I should not hesitate to speak of them. Why should I not speak of mine?
He.--That is one way to look at it. Now, I suppose if I were to tell you that you were very gifted, you would say, "Thank you; I think that I am, too,"--or words to that effect.
She.--Yes; I think that I should respond in some such way. Why should I not? Why shouldn't I recognize my gifts and be thankful for them?
He.--Well, usually, you know, when any one receives a compliment, he is apt to regard it as flattery, and to treat it accordingly; or, if he thinks the praise is merited, his words are apt to belie his thoughts.
She.--Yes, but that brooks of insincerity. However, we are a long way from our subject. We were wondering why some persons "bore" and why some do not. We decided that one must under no circumstances enter into too many details.
He.--They are ruinous. If a person is very polite, he will feign an interest that he does not feel. Often, however, he betrays, by an absent expression, that the "details" have done their "deadly work." You always seem interested, I notice, even when the narrator has wandered from the main road into innumerable by-paths.
She.--I appear interested, because I am interested, for I am continually on the alert to find out just how he is going to get back to the main road. I find, however, that in the majority of cases, he never gets back. He is lost in such a labyrinth that, as compared with it, the Garden of Versailles and the "maze" of Hampton Court are as naught; and just as these world-famed networks have a kind of attraction for the curious, so I find it interesting to follow the bore as he goes from one intricate passage into another in his endeavor to find an exit. But I must leave him to his fate, or I, too, shall be lost in a "maze" and shall not be able to find the main path.
He.--Then, Golden Rule Number I is: AVOID UNNECESSARY DETAILS. I shall try to remember the rule, and profit by its significance.
GOLDEN RULE NUMBER II
He.--Since our last visit, I have been noticing the faults of my friends in conversation, and I have concluded that the most glaring fault one can have is to ask questions and then not wait for the answers. I have one friend in particular who, whenever he meets me asks in the most solicitous way about my family, my health, etc., and then before I have an opportunity to respond, he proceeds to tell me about himself, his family, his ills, and the like.
She.--I know the species very well. In fact, I have classified my friends according to their respective merits as listeners.
He.--And where have you placed me?
She.--At the head of the list.
He.--As the greatest offender?
She.--No; as the least. You always wait until I answer one question before you ask another.
He.--Thank you. Do I ask many questions?
She.--Not too many. You may have noticed that there are as many persons who ask too few questions as there are who ask too many.
He.--I must say that I had never thought of that.
She.--To ask many questions often indicates an undue amount of curiosity on the part of the questioner; to ask too few, a lack of interest. The reason why some persons are so very prosaic and uninteresting is that they are entirely absorbed in themselves; in consequence, they ask few or no questions whatever, showing that they are not in the least concerned in what interests their friends. There is a happy mean where one shows neither curiosity nor disinterest.
He.--In asking questions, we are apt to stir up a hornet's nest, so to speak, for our friends sometimes respond at such length that we are inclined to wish that we had shown less interest.
She.--That is where it is so necessary to remember the golden rule that we spoke of in our last conversation, namely, AVOID UNNECESSARY DETAILS.
He.--Yes; and as I have already told you, that is why you are always interesting; you never bore one with a "long story."
She.--I usually try to treat all my friends as carefully as if each one bore a tag marked, "THIS IS MY BUSY DAY; MAKE IT SHORT."
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