Read Ebook: Lincoln's Yarns and Stories A Complete Collection of the Funny and Witty Anecdotes That Made Lincoln Famous as America's Greatest Story Teller by McClure Alexander K Alexander Kelly

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In this he surprised not only his own cabinet and the leaders of his party who had little confidence in him when he first became President, but equally surprised the country and the world.

He was patient, tireless and usually silent when great conflicts raged about him to solve the appalling problems which were presented at various stages of the war for determination, and when he reached his conclusion he was inexorable. The wrangles of faction and the jostling of ambition were compelled to bow when Lincoln had determined upon his line of duty.

He was much more than a statesman; he was one of the most sagacious politicians I have ever known, although he was entirely unschooled in the machinery by which political results are achieved. His judgment of men was next to unerring, and when results were to be attained he knew the men who should be assigned to the task, and he rarely made a mistake.

I remember one occasion when he summoned Colonel Forney and myself to confer on some political problem, he opened the conversation by saying: "You know that I never was much of a conniver; I don't know the methods of political management, and I can only trust to the wisdom of leaders to accomplish what is needed."

Lincoln's public acts are familiar to every schoolboy of the nation, but his personal attributes, which are so strangely distinguished from the attributes of other great men, are now the most interesting study of young and old throughout our land, and I can conceive of no more acceptable presentation to the public than a compilation of anecdotes and incidents pertaining to the life of the greatest of all our Presidents.

A.K. McClure

LINCOLN'S NAME AROUSES AN AUDIENCE, BY DR. NEWMAN HALL, of London.

When I have had to address a fagged and listless audience, I have found that nothing was so certain to arouse them as to introduce the name of Abraham Lincoln.

No other name has such electric power on every true heart, from Maine to Mexico, as the name of Lincoln. If Washington is the most revered, Lincoln is the best loved man that ever trod this continent.

GREATEST CHARACTER SINCE CHRIST BY JOHN HAY, Former Private Secretary to President Lincoln, and Later Secretary of State in President McKinley's Cabinet.

As, in spite of some rudeness, republicanism is the sole hope of a sick world, so Lincoln, with all his foibles, is the greatest character since Christ.

STORIES INFORM THE COMMON PEOPLE, BY CHAUNCEY M. DEPEW, United States Senator from New York.

Mr. Lincoln said to me once: "They say I tell a great many stories; I reckon I do, but I have found in the course of a long experience that common people, take them as they run, are more easily informed through the medium of a broad illustration than in any other way, and as to what the hypercritical few may think, I don't care."

HUMOR A PASSPORT TO THE HEART BY GEO. S. BOUTWELL, Former Secretary of the United States Treasury.

Mr. Lincoln's wit and mirth will give him a passport to the thoughts and hearts of millions who would take no interest in the sterner and more practical parts of his character.

DROLL, ORIGINAL AND APPROPRIATE. BY ELIHU B. WASHBURNE, Former United States Minister to France.

Mr. Lincoln's anecdotes were all so droll, so original, so appropriate and so illustrative of passing incidents, that one never wearied.

LINCOLN'S HUMOR A SPARKLING SPRING, BY DAVID R. LOCKE , Lincoln's Favorite Humorist.

Mr. Lincoln's flow of humor was a sparkling spring, gushing out of a rock--the flashing water had a somber background which made it all the brighter.

LIKE AESOP'S FABLES, BY HUGH McCULLOCH, Former Secretary of the United States Treasury.

Many of Mr. Lincoln's stories were as apt and instructive as the best of Aesop's Fables.

FULL OF FUN, BY GENERAL JAMES B. FRY, Former Adjutant-General United States Army.

Mr. Lincoln was a humorist so full of fun that he could not keep it all in.

INEXHAUSTIBLE FUND OF STORIES, BY LAWRENCE WELDON, Judge United States Court of Claims.

Mr. Lincoln's resources as a story-teller were inexhaustible, and no condition could arise in a case beyond his capacity to furnish an illustration with an appropriate anecdote.

CHAMPION STORY-TELLER, BY BEN. PERLEY POORE, Former Editor of The Congressional Record.

Mr. Lincoln was recognized as the champion story-teller of the Capitol.

LINCOLN CHRONOLOGY.

LINCOLN AND McCLURE.

Colonel Alexander K. McClure, the editorial director of the Philadelphia Times, which he founded in 1875, began his forceful career as a tanner's apprentice in the mountains of Pennsylvania threescore years ago. He tanned hides all day, and read exchanges nights in the neighboring weekly newspaper office. The learned tanner's boy also became the aptest Inner in the county, and the editor testified his admiration for young McClure's attainments by sending him to edit a new weekly paper which the exigencies of politics called into being in an adjoining county.

The lad was over six feet high, had the thews of Ajax and the voice of Boanerges, and knew enough about shoe-leather not to be afraid of any man that stood in it. He made his paper a success, went into politics, and made that a success, studied law with William McLellan, and made that a success, and actually went into the army--and made that a success, by an interesting accident which brought him into close personal relations with Abraham Lincoln, whom he had helped to nominate, serving as chairman of the Republican State Committee of Pennsylvania through the campaign.

In 1862 the government needed troops badly, and in each Pennsylvania county Republicans and Democrats were appointed to assist in the enrollment, under the State laws. McClure, working day and night at Harrisburg, saw conscripts coming in at the rate of a thousand a day, only to fret in idleness against the army red-tape which held them there instead of sending a regiment a day to the front, as McClure demanded should be done. The military officer continued to dispatch two companies a day--leaving the mass of the conscripts to be fed by the contractors.

McClure went to Washington and said to the President, "You must send a mustering officer to Harrisburg who will do as I say; I can't stay there any longer under existing conditions."

Lincoln sent into another room for Adjutant-General Thomas. "General," said he, "what is the highest rank of military officer at Harrisburg?" "Captain, sir," said Thomas. "Bring me a commission for an Assistant Adjutant-General of the United States Army," said Lincoln.

So Adjutant-General McClure was mustered in, and after that a regiment a day of boys in blue left Harrisburg for the front. Colonel McClure is one of the group of great Celt-American editors, which included Medill, McCullagh and McLean.

"ABE" LINCOLN'S YARNS AND STORIES.

LINCOLN ASKED TO BE SHOT.

Lincoln was, naturally enough, much surprised one day, when a man of rather forbidding countenance drew a revolver and thrust the weapon almost into his face. In such circumstances "Abe" at once concluded that any attempt at debate or argument was a waste of time and words.

"What seems to be the matter?" inquired Lincoln with all the calmness and self-possession he could muster.

"Well," replied the stranger, who did not appear at all excited, "some years ago I swore an oath that if I ever came across an uglier man than myself I'd shoot him on the spot."

A feeling of relief evidently took possession of Lincoln at this rejoinder, as the expression upon his countenance lost all suggestion of anxiety.

"Shoot me," he said to the stranger; "for if I am an uglier man than you I don't want to live."

TIME LOST DIDN'T COUNT.

Thurlow Weed, the veteran journalist and politician, once related how, when he was opposing the claims of Montgomery Blair, who aspired to a Cabinet appointment, that Mr. Lincoln inquired of Mr. Weed whom he would recommend, "Henry Winter Davis," was the response.

"David Davis, I see, has been posting you up on this question," retorted Lincoln. "He has Davis on the brain. I think Maryland must be a good State to move from."

The President then told a story of a witness in court in a neighboring county, who, on being asked his age, replied, "Sixty." Being satisfied he was much older the question was repeated, and on receiving the same answer the court admonished the witness, saying, "The court knows you to be much older than sixty."

"Oh, I understand now," was the rejoinder, "you're thinking of those ten years I spent on the eastern share of Maryland; that was so much time lost, and didn't count."

Blair was made Postmaster-General.

NO VICES, NO VIRTUES.

Lincoln always took great pleasure in relating this yarn:

Riding at one time in a stage with an old Kentuckian who was returning from Missouri, Lincoln excited the old gentleman's surprise by refusing to accept either of tobacco or French brandy.

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