Read Ebook: The Comic Latin Grammar: A new and facetious introduction to the Latin tongue by Leigh Percival Leech John Illustrator

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The nominative case comes before the verb, as the horse does before the cart, the "lieutenant before the ancient," and the superintendant of police before the inspector. It answers to the question, who or what; as, Who jaws? magister jurgatur, the master jaws.

The genitive case is known by the sign of, and answers to the question, whose, or whereof; as, Whose breeches? Femoralia magistri-- the breeches of the master, or the master's breeches.

The dative case is known by the signs to or for, and answers to the question, to whom, or to or for what; as, To whom do I hold out my hands? Protendo manus magistro-- I hold out my hands to the master.

The accusative case follows the verb, as a bailiff follows a debtor, a bull-dog a butcher, or a round of applause a supernatural squall at the Italian Opera. It answers to the question Whom? or What? as, Whom do you laugh at? Derideo magistrum-- I laugh at the master.

The vocative case is known by calling, or speaking to; as, O magister-- O master; an exclamation which is frequently the consequence of shirking out, making false concords or quantities, obstreperous conduct in school, &c.

+GENDERS AND ARTICLES.+

The genders of nouns, which are three, the masculine, the feminine, and the neuter, are denoted in Latin by articles. We have articles, also, in English, which distinguish the masculine from the feminine, but they are articles of dress; such as petticoats and breeches, mantillas and mackintoshes. But as there are many things in Latin, called masculine and feminine, which are nevertheless not male and female, the articles attached to them are not parts of dress, but parts of speech.

We will now, with our readers' permission, initiate them into a new mode of declining the article hic, haec, hoc. And we take this opportunity of protesting against the old and short-sighted system of teaching a boy only one thing at a time, which originated, no doubt, from the general ignorance of everything but the dead languages which prevailed in the monkish ages. We propose to make declensions, conjugations, &c., a vehicle for imparting something more than the mere dry facts of the immediate subject. And if we can occasionally inculcate an original remark, a scientific principle, or a moral aphorism, we shall, of course, think ourselves sufficiently rewarded by the consciousness-- et caetera, et caetera, et caetera.

Masc. hic. Fem. haec. Neut. hoc, &c.

The nominative singular's hic, haec, and hoc,-- Which to learn, has cost school boys full many a knock; The genitive 's hujus, the dative makes huic, ; Then hunc, hanc, and hoc, the accusative makes, The vocative-- caret-- no very great shakes; The ablative case maketh h?c, hac, and h?c, A cock is a fowl-- but a fowl 's not a cock. The nominative plural is hi, hae, and haec, The Roman young ladies were dressed ? la Grecque; The genitive case horum, harum, and horum, Silenus and Bacchus were fond of a jorum; The dative in all the three genders is his, At Actium his tip did Mark Antony miss: The accusative 's hos, has, and haec in all grammars, Herodotus told some American crammers; The vocative here also-- caret-- 's no go, As Milo found rending an oak-tree, you know; And his, like the dative the ablative case is, The Furies had most disagreeable faces.

Nouns are called doubtful when declined with the article hic or haec-- whichever you please, as the showman said of the Duke of Wellington and Napoleon Bonaparte. Anguis, a snake, is a doubtful noun. At all events he is a doubtful customer.

Epicene nouns are those which, though declined with one article only, represent both sexes, as hic passer, a sparrow, haec aquila, an eagle,-- cock and hen. A sparrow, however, to say nothing of an eagle, must appear a doubtful noun with regard to gender, to a cockney sportsman.

+DECLENSION OF NOUNS SUBSTANTIVE.+

There are five declensions of substantives. As a pig is known by his tail, so are declensions of substantives distinguished by the ending of the genitive case. Our fear of outraging the comic feelings of humanity, prevents us from saying quite so much about them as our love of learning would otherwise induce us to do. We therefore refer the student to that clever little book, the Eton Latin Grammar, strongly recommending him to decline the following substantives, by way of an exercise, after the manner of the examples there set down. First declension, Genitivo ae. Virga, a rod. --Second, i. Puer, a boy. Stultus, a fool. Tergum, a back. --Third, is. Vulpes, a fox. Procurator, an attorney. Cliens, a client. --Fourth, ?s-- here you may have, Risus, a laugh at. --Fifth, ei. Effigies, an effigy, image, or Guy.

Although we are precluded from going through the whole of the declensions, we cannot refrain from proposing "for the use of schools," a model upon which all substantives may be declined in a mode somewhat more agreeable, if not more instructive, than that heretofore adopted.

+DECLENSIONS OF NOUNS ADJECTIVE.+

Bonus, bona, bonum, Thou little lambkin dumb, Boni, bonae, boni, For those sweet chops I sigh, Bono, bonae, bono, Have pity on my woe, Bonum, bonam, bonum, Thou speak'st though thou art mum, Bone, bona, bonum, "O come and eat me, come," Bono, bonae, bono, The butcher lays thee low, Boni, bonae, bona, Those chops are a picture,-- ah! Bonorum, bonarum, bonorum, To put lots of Tomata sauce o'er 'em Bonis-- Don't, miss, Bonos, bonas, bona, Thou art sweeter than thy mamma, Boni, bonae, bona, And fatter than thy papa. Bonis,-- What bliss!

In like manner decline tener, tenera, tenerum.

RIDDLES.

N.B. Tu es unus alius, is not good Latin for "You're another," a phrase more elegantly expressed by "Tu quoque."

It is not very easy to conceive any thing in which sadness and comicality are united, except Tristis Amator, a sad lover.

Decline these three adjectives, and others of the same class, according to the following rules:

+COMPARISONS OF ADJECTIVES.+

Comparisons are odious--

Adjectives have three degrees of comparison. This is perhaps the reason why they are so disagreeable to learn.

The first degree of comparison is the positive, which denotes the quality of a thing absolutely. Thus, the Eton Latin Grammar is lepidus, funny.

Enumerate, in the manner following, with substantives, the exceptions to this rule, mentioned in the Eton Grammar.

Bonus, good. A plain pudding.

Melior, better. A suet pudding.

Optimus, best. A plum pudding.

Malus, bad. A caning.

Pejor, worse. A spatting.

Pessimus, worst. A flogging. &c. &c.

Agilis, nimble.-- Madlle. Taglioni. Agilior, more nimble.-- Jim Crow. Agillimus, most nimble.-- Mr. Wieland.

Docilis, docile.-- Learned Pig. Docilior, more docile.-- Ourang-outang. Docillimus, most docile.-- Man Friday.

Gracilis, slender.-- A whipping post. Gracilior, more slender.-- A fashionable waist. Gracillimus, most slender.-- A dustman's leg. &c. &c.

Pius, pious.-- Dr. Cantwell. Magis pius, more pious.-- Mr. Maw-worm. Maxim? pius, most pious.-- Mr. Stiggins.

Sancho Panza called Don Quixote, Quixottissimus. This was not good Latin, but it evinced a knowledge on Sancho's part, of the nature of the superlative degree.

+OF A PRONOUN.+

There are fifteen Pronouns.

Ego, tu, ille, I, thou, and Billy, Is, sui, ipse, Got very tipsy. Iste, hic, meus, The governor did not see us. Tuus, suus, noster, We knock'd down a coster- Vester, noster, vestras. monger for daring to pester us.

To these may be added, egomet, I myself; tute, thou thyself, idem the same, qui, who or what, and cujas, of what country.

+DECLENSION OF PRONOUNS.+

Pronouns may be thus agreeably declined:

Ego, mei, mihi, Hoist the frog up sky-high. Tu, tui, tibi, In Chancery they fib ye. Ille, illa, illud, Cows chew the cud. Is, ea, id, Always do as you're bid. Qui, quae, quod, Or else you'll taste the rod.

Every donkey can decline is, ea, id. We heard one the other day on Hampstead Heath, repeat distinctly

E--o! e--a! e--o!

+OF A VERB.+

Verbs have two voices, like the gentleman who was singing, a short time since, at the St. James's Theatre.

In these two words is contained the terrestrial summum bonum-- In short, love beats everything-- cock-fighting not excepted. Amo! amor! How happy every human being, from the peer to the pot-boy, from the duchess to the dairy-maid, would be to be able to say so.

Verbs neuter and intransitive are never made passive. We may say, Crepo, I crack, but we cannot say, Crepor, I am cracked.

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