Read Ebook: Punch or the London Charivari Vol. CL April 26 1916 by Various Seaman Owen Editor

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Preface 11

Documents of 1759-1765

Bibliographical Data 347

Plan of Manila Bay, October, 1762; photographic facsimile from copy in British Museum Frontispiece Manila and the Philippines, 1762; from Scots Magazine, 1763, xxv, facing p. 224; photographic facsimile from copy in library of Harvard University 35 Chart of Philippines, showing path of Manila galleon; from London Magazine, 1763, xxxii, p. 292; photographic facsimile from copy in Library of Congress 49 Plan of city of Manila, showing sites occupied by the British in 1762; photographic facsimile of original manuscript in Archivo general de Indias, Sevilla 95 Plan of city of Manila and its fortifications, 1762; from Le Gentil's Voyage , ii, plate 6; photographic facsimile from copy in library of Wisconsin Historical Society 107 Plan of port of Cavite and its fortifications, by Tom?s de Castro y Andrade, ca. 1762; photographic facsimile of original manuscript , in Archivo general de Indias, Sevilla 183 Plan of Mariveles Bay, 1764; in collection of Charts by Alexander Dalrymple , ii, p. 63; photographic facsimile from copy in Library of Congress 199 Autograph signature of Simon de Anda y Salazar; photographic facsimile from original manuscript in Archivo general de Indias, Sevilla 285

PREFACE The theme of the present volume is throughout the conquest of Manila by the British in 1762, and events consequent to it. The various accounts we have drawn from both Spanish and English sources, in order that we might present the matter from the standpoints of each nation, and we have aimed to give the story in great detail from as many points of view as possible. The subject must have special interest for Americans by reason of the operations of 1898. In some measure the captures by both the British and the Americans are analogous, because in each case it was rather a side demonstration than the main object of the war, and because of the ease with which it was accomplished. Here, however, the analogy ends, for British occupation was at the best precarious while it lasted, and made scarcely any headway outside of Manila; and while naturally the questions of religion, commerce, and civil affairs generally were discussed, nothing lasting was done. It may well be that the ease with which Manila was taken by the British gave the Filipinos some idea, though slight, of separation from Spain, or a desire for a larger degree of independence; although, in truth, all such ideas appeared to be effectively stifled with the strengthening power of the religious orders. Of special interest will be found the operations of Anda y Salazar, a true patriot, though like the Count de Frontenac, of Canada, of a hasty and impetuous nature; and his contest with the incapable archbishop. It is to be noted throughout that all English dates are one day in advance of the Spanish dates, as the English had the same dates as the Portuguese, who reached the Orient by way of the Eastern route. This is a momentous period in many parts of the world.

The first document in this volume consists of a plan outlined by an unknown writer, but one who has been among the Philippines , for the conquest of the southern islands, evidently received at London November 23, 1762--a good prelude to the conquest of Manila. Weighing the arguments as to the expediency of such a conquest, the author decides in favor of it, as the silver which is taken from the Philippines to India in the Manila-India trade, and which comes direct from America, will pass to India direct from the latter country if the islands are conquered. The present plan, however, does not contemplate the reduction of Manila. The islands could be held either permanently or only until the conclusion of peace, the advisability of taking them to rest upon either one of the following reasons: that they are important enough to meet the expenses of the expedition; or that the enemy can be harassed thence. The chief end for which Spain holds the Philippines is religious, and if the missions are considered, Manila might be ceded, though if that does not happen, the holding of them will be an important item in the peace conclusions. Operations carried on among the southern islands would have especial point, for the Spaniards would fear an alliance between the restless Moros and the enemy. The Spaniards care only about the Acapulco galleon and do not trouble themselves about the rest of the islands, which are governed badly. The natives, in danger from Moro raids, are ripe for revolt. Proceeding directly to a consideration of the southern islands, the writer names and describes the most important of them, making use to some extent, in his description, of Colin and San Antonio. The population that the British would receive by such a conquest would be an advantage. The expedition should proceed first against the fort of Zamboanga, which can be easily taken, and then abandoned and demolished or left in charge of the present Spanish garrison if they will take the oath of allegiance. Next the forts of the islands of Misamis and Ceb? should be taken, both of which are important. They can count upon the help of the Moros, and of the Boholans, the latter of whom are now in revolt. All this can be done with one European ship with about fifty soldiers, and several smaller ships, the best time for the expedition being the northeast monsoon.

THE WATCH DOGS.

MY DEAR CHARLES,--One of these days I will tell you the more intimate history of the Corps to which I have the honour to belong, and this will give you some cause for mirth. Its members are of all sorts, ages and origins, and they have had between them some odd experiences since that first day when, parading hastily in Kensington Gardens, they wished they hadn't been quite so glib, in their anxiety to get to war, about professing full knowledge of the ways and wiles of the motor bicycle. One at least of them paid the price of inexactitude then and there; he still shudders to think how, put to the test, he unintentionally left the Park for a no less fashionable but much more crowded thoroughfare, to arrive eventually, in the prone position, in a byway of Piccadilly, where small fragments of the machine may still be collected by industrious seekers of curios.

Another, whom the low cunning of the Criminal Bar enabled to avoid the immediate test, paid the full price, with compound interest, later on. Casual observers of the retreat, had there been any, would have become familiar with the sight of him bringing up the rear--a very poor last. To see him arrive, perspiring, over the brow of a hill, with his faithful motor at his side, was to know that the Huns were at the bottom of it. On one occasion they even beat him in the day's march, but were too kind or too blind to seize their advantage. As usual he was taking his obsession along with him, though, if he had but known, he might have got it to do the work by the simple formality of turning the petrol tap from OFF to ON. His was ever a curious life, from the first moment of his joining the Army in tails, a bowler hat, and a large sword wrapped in a homely newspaper. But the inward fun of it all is not for the present, Charles; our clear old friends, the Exigencies, forbidding.

So on to the box he got and, with the General's eye always upon his back, he did his best as guide, a task for which his previous career of stockbroker had ill qualified him. The first thing to happen was that the car, proceeding down a narrow lane, got well into the middle of a battalion on the march, which, when the car was firmly jammed amongst the transport, ceased to be on the march, and took a generous ten minutes' halt.... The second thing to happen was a level crossing; which, as they approached it, changed its mind about being a road and became a railway. A nice long train duly arrived, and stayed there, with a few restless movements, for twenty minutes by the clock.... The third thing to happen was that he lost himself ; the fourth was the falling of dusk, and the fifth a ploughed field, with which my friend, alighting, had to confess that he was not so intimately acquainted as he could have wished.

Had there been a scene, he could, he says, have endured the worst bravely, standing to attention and taking it as it came. Not so, however; his was the wrong sort of General for the purpose. As does the partner at the dance, over whose priceless gown you have upset the indelible ice, he said it didn't matter. He said he'd give the division a miss, and return whence they had come. This they began to do, when they had got the car out of the ploughed field, and this they went on doing until the sixth thing happened, which was a burst tyre.

It never rains but it pours, and the area seemed to be infested with Generals of quite the wrong sort. He couldn't have hit upon a more kind and genial and inappropriate one than this. No, he wouldn't allow a word of apology or explanation from this exhausted lieutenant until the latter had rested and refreshed himself with a cup of tea. No, not out of that pot; it had been standing too long. Tea which had stood should not be drunk, for reasons detailed at length. No doubt the Colonel, whose guest he was, would order some more to be made. It would take two minutes--it did take twenty. No, no; there was nothing to say and nothing need be said. It was this General's particular wish that he should be at peace and make himself at home. Let him make his explanations and apologies later.

Whatever you would have done, my overwhelmed friend temporized. He was just edging the conversation round to the other General, waiting alone in the dark wet road, when the General in the nice warm room rose to go, commanding my friend not to disturb himself on that account. Being a man of some years he was a slow goer; being a General, he was not to be interrupted in his going....

I don't know exactly how it all ended, nor, you may not be surprised to learn, does my friend, though he is always expecting to hear.

There was also on our boat a subaltern, coming to France for the first time. He wanted me to tell him all about it. How well I know these subalterns who want to know all about it. I was one myself once. Does he ask you what it's like in the mud? Does he listen if you give him details of bloodshed? Does he inquire about the food, the washing facilities, parapet or parados; what a time-fuse does when its time has expired, or even as to the use and abuse of the entrenching tool? No, he's for war only, and there's only one question in war: Do you or do you not need a Sam Browne belt in the trenches?

It is an old question; there is no solution. I told him that some say one thing and some say another, and, as both are authorities with whom you are not in a position to argue, the only way to get out of the difficulty is to keep out of the trenches.

Yours ever, HENRY.

From a hotel advertisement:--

The WISE KING must have had a presentiment of this arrangement when he wrote: "Better a dinner of herbs, where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith."

Strong language for a Premier! But the printer has done his best to tone it down.

NURSERY RHYMES OF LONDON TOWN.

The fruit hangs ripe, the fruit hangs sweet, High and low in my Orchard Street, Apples and pears, cherries and plums, Something for everyone who comes. If you're a Pedlar I'll give you a medlar; If you're a Prince I'll give you a quince; If you're a Queen, A nectarine; If you're the King Take anything, Apricots, mulberries, melons or red and white Currants like rubies and pearls on a string! Little girls each Shall have a peach, Boys shall have grapes that hang just out of reach-- Nothing's to pay, whatever you eat Of the fruit that grows in my Orchard Street.

Th. is rl. wd. plp. ecnmy.

A NIGHT OUT WITH A ZEPPELIN.

BY KARL VON WEEKEND

Beneath us--beneath, in a manner of speaking, the iron heel of the all-conquering Fatherland--lay perfidious England. I, as a mere layman, had, of course, not the vaguest idea as to precisely what vital portion of the doomed island was immediately below us. Not so my host, the Captain Sigismund von M?nchhausen, who suddenly snapped together the stethoscope through which he had been gazing and rapped out a monosyllabic order down the speaking tube at his right hand.

"We are now," he said, turning courteously to me, "diametrically above the entrenched camp of Little Tillingham-under-Hill." A fearful crash sounded from the depths below and a voice muttered something through the speaking tube. "A hit!" cried the Captain without emotion. "Ober-Leutnant von Dachswurst reports that the Arsenal, three munitions factories and two infant schools are in flames. Ah! Now we have reached Birmingham!" Another crash rent the abysm. "Now Glasgow!" A third terrific explosion was audible.

"But," I cried, "we can't have got from Birmingham to Glasgow in thirty-five seconds." For a moment the Captain's eyes flashed angrily. He clenched his feet, and, remembering the horrible fate of the seasick sailor, I crouched against the bulwark. With an effort, however, the man mastered himself. I was relieved to see an enigmatic smile overspread his countenance.

"It is plain," he said, in the voice of one patiently rebuking a child, "that you do not know what a German airship can do. Ah! ha! There goes Bristol!" he added, as further detonations smote upon our ears.

And so the hideous carnage proceeded. Grasmere, Aberystwith, Stratford-on-Avon, Freshwater Bay and the Lizard--with dreadful precision these teeming hives of English industry were laid waste, incinerated, scattered to the winds in fine impalpable dust. I thought sadly of the brave men in khaki that were being cut off by the thousand in their prime . But, after all, I mused, they will soon be replaced by intelligent Germans, a blessing that civilization will not be slow to appreciate.

At this moment the Captain approached me with an object in his hand. "You neutrals," he said, "have been deceived before now by the ridiculous reports disseminated by our enemies as to the results of these raids. But here is the proof." He then explained to me that to every Zeppelin was attached a large sinker or plummet, which was covered with grease and lowered from a drum to a few yards above the spot where the bomb was destined to fall. To this plummet adhered fragments of various objects, animate or other, which the explosion of the missile hurled into the air. Such a fragment the Captain was now extending for my observation. I admitted that to my uninitiated eye it closely resembled a portion of the outer surface of a cow or some kindred animal. "You are indeed ignorant," said my host, smiling in the same enigmatic way. "The object is undoubtedly a fragment of the propeller shaft of a large vessel, which satisfies me that at Swanage, where our last bomb was dropped, a portion of the High Seas Fleet was anchored. And as a matter of fact," he added, producing a small dark object from his pocket, "here is a part of Sir JOHN JELLICOE'S necktie. Notice how precisely it tallies with the descriptions furnished by our secret agents, one of whom is actually engaged about the Admiral's person disguised as a pastry-cook."

I smiled--enigmatically.

It would be much better for him to meet an athletic lady not holding similar views.

THE OCC. POET'S APOLOGIA.

Where the moon's unmitigated crescent, Sailing through the amethystine deeps, With a smile sardonic and senescent Down upon our Armageddon peeps; Thither, drawn by sympathy ecstatic, Like a shooting star my spirit flies From the company of gross, lymphatic Souls entangled by terrestrial ties.

Where the sombre azimuths are booming, Flecked with argent elemental foam, And the stately colocynths are blooming In a salicylic monochrome; There, transported on pellucid pinions, Sick of common sense I seek repose, Far from the disconsolate dominions Tainted by the tyranny of prose.

O'er the whole translunar gamut ranging. There my astral body slides and skims, Choriambic melodies exchanging With the apolaustic cherubims; Weaving in a polyphonic pattern Harmonies that mock at clefs and bars; Toying with the shining rings of Saturn, Throwing star-dust in the eyes of Mars.

For our "Glimpses of the Obvious":

A very curious treatment. Personally we always use a safety-pin.

We ourselves should take our chance of this contingency.

Mr. MCKENNA surely cannot have realized this.

MR. PUNCH'S POTTED FILMS. THE SENTIMENTAL DRAMA.

MORE EYE-WASH.

Whene'er I see some high brass-hatted man Inspect the Dep?t with his ribboned train, When all seems spick and absolutely span And no man spits and nothing gives him pain, I think what blissful ignorance is theirs Who only see us on inspection days, And wonder, could they catch us unawares, Would they be still so eloquent of praise?

They think the soldiers are a cleanly type, For all their brass is bright with elbow-fat, Burnished their bayonets and oiled their hyp; Do they suppose they always look like that? They see the quarters beautiful and gay, Yet never realise, with all their lore, Those bright new beds were issued yesterday And will to-morrow be returned to store.

They doubtless say, "Was ever drill so deft? Were ever rifles so precisely sloped? Observe that section change direction left So much, much better than the best we hoped;" But little know with what grim enterprise For week on week that clever-looking crew Have practised up for their especial eyes The sole manoeuvre they can safely do.

And I could tell where many a canker gnaws Within the walls they fancy free from sin; I know how officers infringe their laws, I know the corners where the men climb in; I know who broke the woodland fence to bits And what platoon attacked the Shirley cow, While the dull Staff, for all their frantic chits, Know not the truth of that distressing row.

These are the things I think they should be taught, But, since I know what ages must elapse, What forms be filled, what signatures be sought, Ere I have speech with such exalted chaps, I here announce that they are much misled, That they should see us when we think them far, Should steal upon us, all unheralded, And find what frauds, what awful frauds we are.

The older bankers, we must presume, are all from the provinces, and not so shy.

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

Some anxiety is felt on the Treasury Bench owing to the marked shortage of Members from Ireland. Hitherto, whenever the Government has seemed to be in danger, Mr. REDMOND'S followers have trooped over from Dublin to the rescue. But to-day most of them are absent. Some attribute their defection to chagrin at their shortsightedness in resisting the appointment of Mr. CAMPBELL as Lord Chancellor of Ireland. As Attorney-General they fear he will exert a much more potent influence in Irish affairs.

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