Read Ebook: True Politeness: A Hand-book of Etiquette for Ladies by Anonymous

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Ebook has 193 lines and 10930 words, and 4 pages

Abjure punning, and exercising even the most refined RAILLERY: the latter requires both observation and talent, and most people mistake satire for raillery; the one may be the offspring of a vicious, the former must be of an enlightened and benevolent mind.

Do not appear abstracted while another person is speaking; and never interrupt another by intruding a remark of your own.

Avoid pedantry and dogmatism. Be not obtrusively positive in the assertion of your opinions--modesty of speech, as well as manner, is highly ornamental in a woman.

Rather be silent than talk nonsense, unless you have that agreeable art, possessed by some women, of investing little nothings with an air of grace and interest; this most enviable art is indeed very desirable in a hostess, as it often fills up disagreeable pauses, and serves as a prelude for the introduction of more intellectual matter.

Flattery is a powerful weapon in conversation; all are susceptible to it. It should be used skilfully, never direct, but inferred; better acted than uttered. Let it seem to be the unwitting and even the unwilling expression of genuine admiration, the honest expression of the feelings.

Do not introduce subjects with which you are but superficially acquainted. If you should do so with the idea that all others present are equally or more ignorant than yourself, you may be very disagreeably undeceived, by some quiet, unpresuming person, who may have been listening to the development of your ignorance.

It is not good taste for a lady to say "Yes, Sir," and "No, Sir," to a gentleman, or frequently to introduce the word "Sir" at the end of her sentence, unless she desire to be exceedingly reserved toward the person with whom she is conversing.

Do not introduce proverbs and cant phrases; a well educated lady can always find words to express her meaning, without resorting to these.

Never introduce your own affairs for the amusement of the company; such discussions cannot be interesting to others, and the probability is that the most patient listener is laying the foundation for some tale to make you appear ridiculous.

It is not contrary to good-breeding to laugh in company, and even to laugh heartily when there is anything amusing going on; this is nothing more than being sociable. To remain prim and precise on such occasions, is sheer affectation. Avoid, however, what is called the "horse-laugh."

Never laugh at your own remarks; it may be a very agreeable excitation, but it invariably spoils what you are saying.

If you are a wit, do not let your witty remarks engross the whole conversation, as it wounds the self-love of your hearers, who also wish to be heard, and becomes excessively fatiguing.

Do not address persons by the initial of their names; "Mrs. A. says this;" "Mrs. B. does that;" it is a mark of vulgarity.

VISITS.

A morning call should not exceed from a quarter of an hour to twenty minutes in duration; the most proper time for such visits is between eleven and two o'clock; if your friends are people of fashion, from twelve to three will be the best hours.

If the persons called on be not at home, leave a card for each person to whom the visit was designed, or beg the servant to mention that you inquired for so many persons.

The subjects for conversation should harmonize with the character of your visit, and prevent your introducing a gay conversation, when paying a visit of condolence; or subjects requiring deep thought, upon casual visits or calls of ceremony.

In making friendly calls almost all ceremony should be dispensed with. They are made at all hours, without much preparation or dressing.

Visits of ceremony should be paid after a nearly similar interval has elapsed from when they were made. People in this way give you notice whether they wish to see you seldom or often.

Never display the visiting cards you may receive, by placing them in the frame of your looking-glass. It is usual to have an ornamental card-basket on the centre table.

If the person you call upon is preparing to go out, or to sit down at table, you ought, although asked to remain, to retire as soon as possible. The person visited so unseasonably, should on her part be careful to conceal her knowledge that the other wishes the visit ended quickly.

A lady is at liberty to take either a gentleman or another lady to pay a morning visit to a friend, without asking permission; but she should never allow a gentleman the same liberty; if he desires to make any of his friends known to her, he must first ask if the acquaintance would be agreeable.

When a lady visits another for the first time, her visit should be returned within a week.

If when paying an evening visit you should find a party assembled, enter as you would otherwise have done, but remain only a few minutes, and escape in as quiet a way as possible. Let it be known shortly after, in such a way that it will reach the family, that you were unaware of company being assembled.

In calling upon a person staying at a hotel, if she is not at home add your address to your name, else your visit may be fruitless.

When about to be absent a long time, make your farewell visit short, announcing the fact; if necessary to leave your card, mark on it T. T. L. or P. P. C. When you return, those upon whom you have called will pay you the first visit; those whom you have neglected, will properly conclude the acquaintance is discontinued. If you are married while abroad, this is especially the case.

Visits after a party or dinner should be paid within the week.

RECEIVING VISITS.

Avoid all appearance of anxiety; yet let nothing escape your attention.

When visitors enter, rise immediately, advance toward them, and request them to be seated. If it is an elderly person, insist upon his occupying the arm-chair; if a lady, beg her to be seated on the sofa.

In winter the most honorable place is the corner of the fireplace; therefore, if a married lady enters, offer her that seat. If this place is occupied by a young lady, she ought to rise and offer her seat to the other, taking for herself a chair in another part of the room.

In proportion as the visiter is a stranger, you will rise, and any persons already there, should do the same. If any withdraw, conduct them as far as the door of the parlor.

As hostess, in your attentions, consider all your guests equal; the greatest stranger or person of least rank should, if any, receive more attention than others.

If your guests are about to remain on a visit of any length, see before their arrival that their room is furnished with everything which can contribute to neatness, and their comfort. Congratulate them upon their arrival, and express the pleasure it gives you; inquire kindly about the incidents of their journey, and request them to make your house their home. Be assiduous in your attentions, and show them every object of interest about the house and neighborhood.

If your guests express an intention of leaving you, affectionately endeavor to detain them; if not successful, renew your invitation for another visit, and express your regret at parting so soon.

The art of receiving company can only be acquired by education, experience, or close observation. Have a determination to act naturally, not hurried, and let a desire to please be a ruling principle; you will then generally act correctly.

THE BALL-ROOM.

XC.

Invitations to a ball or evening party should be given in the lady's name, and answers to such invitations should be addressed to her, cards of invitation are usually issued from one to three weeks previous to the entertainment.

The hours for the arrival of the guests vary from nine to twelve o'clock: in this you will be guided by the usages of the circle in which you move.

Never go early to a public ball; and do not be frequently seen at such. When you do attend, do not dance from the time you enter the room until you leave; it may leave the impression that you have few opportunities of dancing except at such balls.

As the fashion for a lady's dress for a ball is so constantly changing, it is impossible to prescribe. But we may remark, that the handkerchief should be "fine as a snowy cobweb," and perfumed just sufficiently to render it agreeable. Your gloves should be of white kid, your shoes small and fitting with the nicest exactness.

When you enter the drawing-room, immediately advance and pay your respects to the ladies of the house; until this is done, do not recognise any one you may know. If, as it sometimes happens, the lady is not in the room when you enter, though the position may be rather embarrassing if you do not meet any acquaintances, do not show that it is so, but enter into conversation with your partner or the lady nearest you, until the lady returns, when you immediately pay your respects; which should be a little more marked than when paying a morning visit.

If possible, do not enter a room alone. If you have no brother or near relation, you may at any time request a gentleman of your acquaintance, who has not been invited by the lady of the house, to accompany you.

The lady of the house should dance, if at all, but little, unless there is a distinguished stranger present to whom it is desirable to pay a compliment. This is necessary, that you may be enabled to attend to your guests, and make the evening agreeable to them. If you do dance, you may select your partner, who should feel honored by the act.

If the hostess intends to dance, it is customary for her to open the ball: if she does not, the host opens it with the lady of the highest rank present.

When a gentleman who has been properly introduced requests the honor of dancing with you, you will not refuse unless you have a previous engagement.

At the ordinary public balls, it is desirable to make up a party sufficiently large to render you independent of the introductions of the master of the ceremonies, as, in spite of his best efforts, objectionable individuals will gain access to such. When a party is thus formed, you can easily and without rudeness refuse to be introduced to any gentleman, by stating that you are engaged; as of course you would be to your friends for that evening.

If a gentleman presumes to ask you to dance without an introduction, you will of course refuse. It is hardly necessary to supply the fair reader with words to repel such a rudeness; a man must have more than ordinary impertinence if he was not satisfied by your saying, "I must decline, sir, not having the honor of your acquaintance;" and recollect that his previous rudeness ought to be punished by your refusing to be introduced.

Draw on your gloves in the dressing-room, and do not take them off during the evening, except at supper-time, when it should be invariably done.

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