Read Ebook: Our Battalion Being Some Slight Impressions of His Majesty's Auxiliary Forces in Camp and Elsewhere by Raven Hill L Leonard

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Ebook has 85 lines and 19614 words, and 2 pages

Rather a lark after mess; got young B. down and christened him "Violet de Parme," while Jackson played "Taint all lavender." Suspected B. of harbouring thoughts of revenge, so collared a syphon of soda, and after putting out my light crawled outside and waited for him. Just as he started letting the tent down, sallied forth and let fly the soda at him. Stirred up the Colonel, so had to lie awfully doggo.

Went over to the Wildshires in the evening. Awfully sporting lot. Found 'em having chariot races in armchairs with obstacles. Being a guest, was asked to be passenger; nothing broken but the chair. Musical lot, too. Have great formula when they want a song from anyone, "Will you come to the piano, or will you be fetched?" They generally come. Rather late before I got back. Never knew a camp with so many confounded tent ropes.

Find we're to act as rearguard to something. Got told off to occupy a bit of a wood right away on the flank. Thank goodness they haven't told me what to do or how long to hold on, or anything, so I shall get out of touch as soon as I can and play off my own bat. Rather good little wood. Men awfully keen on the job. Soon after we occupied position, spotted party of the enemy coming through gap in the hills. Couldn't see them very well on account of the haze, so waited till they got fairly near, and then gave 'em a volley. They sent an orderly over to know what the deuce I meant by firing on the ambulance. Felt rather an ass, but found out afterwards every party they had passed had paid them the same compliment. Soon after scout came in with news of enemy. I wanted to ambush 'em, but some silly fool fired without orders, so it became a regular attack. Put three companies out of action before we retired, but cut it rather too fine, and a few of my chaps got collared. Found the rest of the rearguard had cleared before. Some of 'em mistook us for the bally foe, and blazed into us like old boots. Rotted 'em no end when we got up to them. Everything got in the most awful muddle after a bit; no one knew who was which. After the "Cease fire" sounded came across a lot of chaps firing like mad at anybody who came near. Told 'em the "Cease fire" had gone. "'Cease fire' be damned!" said one of them. "We ain't had a look in till now!"

Rather rough time getting back to camp. Thought at one time half my lot were going to fall out, so went for 'em like anything. Called 'em a "bally lot of school-girls out for a Sunday-school treat," which upset them somewhat, so they bucked up and not one caved in, although we were all pretty well "baked."

Awfully festive night. The Wildshires had a camp fire, nearly all the Brigade turned out. Any amount of choruses. Had fearful "rag" afterwards. Scotson got hold of a wheelbarrow, formed a machine-gun detachment, and rushed the Southshires' lines. Awfully "pi" lot, and got very sick. Whenever they started to object charged 'em with the "Maxim," and drove 'em to earth. When I got back found my tent struck and a note on it begging me not to disturb the Colonel when pitching it. Got out my blankets, rolled up in them, and slept outside.

Home again. Feel rather tired. Jolly good camp, though. Hope next year's will be as good.

No. 4.

Pte. TIMOTHY SIMMONS.

That there Houghton got hold of the wrong kettle at dinner an' come back with No. 5's grub, which, as they're only seven in their tent to our eight, warn't good enough. Complained to the off'cer as come round. 'E said if we couldn't look after ourselves better than that, we must take the consequences. That's all very fine, but it don't feed us. Made Houghton stand 'arf a gallon to the tent. 'E ses camp's a bloomin' swindle. If there's one thing I 'ates it is cleaning up the camp; the other companies chucks their rubbish into our lines, but t'aint no use to say so, you only gets shut up.

Got jawed at for a bit o' dirt in my rifle as you couldn't see. "Clean it again," ses our Leftenant. "I've cleaned the thing forty times," I ses. "Forty-one's your lucky number," 'e ses; "try again." Went for a stroll in the evenin', but these 'ere camps is too far away from anything to please me.

Thought nothing would satisfy our off'cers to-day. We was trying all sorts of things like they does 'em at the war, an' we was fairly sick of it, but the Colonel 'e rides by an' sings out as we was the best company 'e'd seen that morning, so that was all right, an' we didn't mind being shoved about.

After breakfast we was out again doin' outposts. Wish they wouldn't 'ave so much make believe about it. Supposin' now they puts yer in a group as sentries. "The henemy," they ses, "is somewhere over there, an' you've to watch that bit o' country in front of you; the countersign's 'Bunkum,' an' you've to keep under cover." Well, there aint no henemy, an' nothin' aint goin' to 'appen, an' yer wouldn't know wot to do if it did, so you just lies down an' smokes till the "assembly" goes, an' then you comes back. It may teach officers something, but it don't teach us much.

As we was out for the day only 'ad a sort o' bread an' water picnic instead of dinner, which we 'as when we gets back to camp. We was put through what they calls an attack drill after, but I didn't think much of it; started off with about twenty yards between you an' the next man, an' then as we advanced, they comes crowdin' up from be'ind till the firin' line were like a bloomin' football scrimmage, with about four different Battalions all atop o' one another, an' loosin' off right an' left whether they was in front or be'ind. "'Ere," I ses to Ted Parminter, "this aint no place for us, it's too bloomin' dangerous. I'm going to be a casualty." An' we drops be'ind. "Wot bally rot!" I 'eard one off'cer say, an' I quite agreed with 'im.

Got sent out with a patrol again. Saw a General ridin' along our way, so we got be'ind an 'edge till 'e'd gone by. Just after we got back to the picket another General comes along an' asks all sorts of questions, an' didn't seem to think much of the answers 'e got. We was all 'oping it were over for the day, when along comes a whole lot o' Generals all together, and one of 'em calls out to us to fall in. We gets up an' begins dusting ourselves down a bit, when 'e yells at us for not being in our places at once, an' goes for us 'ot an' strong; then 'e starts asking questions as made me shiver. All of a sudden 'e ses: "Who was in charge of the last patrol as went out?" The Captain calls me up, and the General ses, "Where did you go?" I tells 'im I went as far as the wood. "See anything of the enemy?" 'e ses. "There weren't none there," I ses. "How do you know?" ses 'e; "you ar'n't allowed to enter the woods about here." "Well, Sir," I ses, "we didn't go in, but there's only two places where anybody could get in without doing damage, and there weren't no footmarks there." "What forage can I get down there?" 'e ses. "There's about three ton o' bad 'ay, Sir, at one of the cottages, but it aint worth 'aulin'," I ses, an' 'e tells me to fall back in the ranks, which I was precious glad to do. Our Captain said, when they was gone, as 'ow I'd answered very well, an' 'ow I ought to go for a stripe. I said as I should like to.

Paraded in the afternoon for the reg'lar inspection; was kept out in the burnin' sun standing still for about two hours while another General walked round an' looked at our buttons an' boots, an' found fault with every blessed thing. They seems to think yer kit is made to look at, not to use. As I ses to Ted in the canteen after, "We comes to camp for trainin', an' this 'ere's nothing but wastin' time, as could be done at 'ome anywhere."

Felt quite sorry when we fell in on p'rade for the last time. Camp's stiffish work an' everybody grumbles, but it aint bad fun on the whole; an' after all a chap as 'as been to camp is worth half-a-dozen as 'asn't, you learns things there that you can't learn nohow else, no matter 'ow clever you are.

What the service would be without the Junior Subaltern the Junior Subaltern cannot imagine.

Do not anathematize the genius who formulates the Regulations. He is quite right, if you could but understand him.

Gun practice with obsolete weapons is instructive. One cannot know too much of the history of one's country.

A sealed pattern at the War Office is something different from the kit you have just purchased.

The expenses of the officer's dress should be reduced whenever possible. Abolish ten shillings worth of lace, and substitute three buttons at three-and-sixpence apiece. There is only a slight difference, but every little helps.

Rifles should be cleaned very carefully: one man should hold the rifle, and the other should manipulate the "pull-through."

The difference between field service kit and parade dress is very marked. You wear out the one and grow out of the other.

You may be traffic manager of a railway, but you cannot know as much about a baggage train as a Second Lieutenant in the Army Service Corps who has been at it for a week.

Now this is the creed of the Subaltern.-- The Subaltern knows everything and does everything. The Captain knows everything and does nothing. The Major knows nothing and does nothing.

There is such a thing as too much enthusiasm, and when, after joining the Signalling section, Edwin's fond epistles took the above form, Angelina decided that it was time to break off the engagement.

No water-cart is perfect. You may abuse it without incurring rebuke.

When in doubt say you have received no instructions.

Many rules apply equally well in civil and military life. If you are in a responsible position, never do anything till you are absolutely pushed.

Presenting arms never killed the enemy, neither has physical drill, but each helps to make a soldier.

It is curious how an indifferent shot always gets a badly sighted rifle issued to him.

"Intelligence in the obeyin' of commands," said "Tiny," "is of the utmost importance. If you are with an off'cer as knows 'is work you may close yer eyes and rest in peace, an' just do as you're told without worryin'. But they differ. There's that little devil with the eyeglass now, if 'e's takin' you an' you see me convenient to 'is elbow you can be easy in your minds an' jump to the word, but if, by misfortune, 'e's out there alone, keep yer wits about yer an' step off slow, for 'As you were' an' 'Mark time' is favourite commands with 'im.'"

Transcriber's note:

The original hyphenation, spelling and grammar have been preserved.

Page 21, "Reglashuns" changed to "Reg'lashuns" Page 99, 'anywhere.' changed to 'anywhere."' Page 111, "isself" changed to "'isself"

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