Homepage
Login
Profile
BookClubs
dmBox
Read Ebook: Punch or the London Charivari Vol. 105 December 9 1893 by Various Burnand F C Francis Cowley Editor
Font size:
Background color:
Text color:
Add to tbrJar First Page Next Page
Ebook has 67 lines and 11764 words, and 2 pages
Editor: Sir Francis Burnand
Punch, or the London Charivari
Volume 105, December 9, 1893.
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
Distinguished for his art gems, RAPHAEL TUCK AND SON are as Artful as ever with their variety show of cards and booklets.
In consequence of the high price of coals this winter, FAULKNER & CO. have turned our eyes to summer flowers and pictures. Winter being summarily dismissed, is not on the cards.
BARON DE BOOK-WORMS.
HOW TO WRITE A CHEAP CHRISTMAS NUMBER.
"A SINGLE-HANDED RUN."
Football at St. Stephen's looking up! Fine exponents of the Rugby game. Strong combinations, "Midlothian United" and "Unionists" met to decide great--postponed--fixture. Though weather favourable, failed somehow to attract the large crowd usual at matches between these two "sides" of far-famed amateurs. Enthusiastic followers of the game, however, who turned up in adequate numbers, rewarded by sight of good, if slow and unexciting game. Both sides well represented, and the homesters, who won the toss, played first half from pavilion end of ground, having wind, which was blowing across ground, a trifle in their favour.
"Midlothian United," famous team, better known as "GLADSTONE'S Men," play well together, and are strong lot, though less speedy perhaps than their opponents. "Unionists" indeed an extremely clever, not to say artful, combination. As pick of anciently opposed sides, wonderful how well they are together, and how unselfishly they play the game. "Midlothian United" team also fairly well together, and admirably captain'd.
From kick-off, ball was well returned, and play settled down in homesters' territory. Later, game of very equal character, each side looking like scoring, but nothing definite obtained before half time. Game then ruled a bit slow. Showing good combination, the visitors' forwards caused home-side some anxiety. Forwards, however, played very self-denying game, and game largely confined to the half and three-quarter backs, and in this visitors had advantage, as "Midlothian United" do not so greatly shine in this phase of game, whereas, among their opponents, BOWLES, LONG, LOWTHER, and one or two more, very smart and tricky. FOWLER, however, the great Midlothian forward, played with fine combination of energy and judgment, made some fine runs, and proved vastly effective in scrum. BALFOUR, GOSCHEN, and H. JAMES, played very artfully indeed, and "tackled" strongly, and although that mighty forward CHAMBERLAIN less prominent than usual, still, in doggerel of football-field, it may be said that,
JOE, the Brum, Shines in scrum.
CURPH. Before I go, let me say this: that I have no intention of giving up your daughter until she gives up me. I am in a position to marry and support her, and if you refuse your consent, you will only reduce us to the painful necessity of doing without it.
THE MODERN MEDUSA.
Gorgon Medusa of the snaky locks, Whose loathly lair was 'midst the wave-washed rocks, Thou wert less hideous than our monstrous, mad Belated birth of Nemesis and Nox.
Gendered of vengeful hatred and blind wrath, Crawling malign in Civilisation's path! Venomous vermin, of relentless fang, Foul spawn of wrong, oppression's aftermath.
Dark is the monstrous mystery of thy birth, Sinister scourge of a time-wearied earth; But all men's hands against thee must be raised, Foe of all love and murderer of all mirth.
Negation of all progress, hope's chill blight, Black bringer-back of Chaos and Old Night; The one unfaltering foe of humankind Which all that's human to the death, must fight.
With thee weak tenderness must make no truce, Parley with thee were pity's mere abuse. The hand that halts, the sword that shrinks or spares, But lets the Gorgon's snaky offspring loose.
Thou crawling horror of the coward soul! Thy snaking convolutions furtive roll. To track thy trail, to face thy stony glare, And smite and slay is general duty's goal.
Civilisation armed with trenchant Law Must play the Perseus with thy monster maw, And all mankind be banded in the quest Of the worst enemy mankind e'er saw.
The massacre of innocents, the blind Blasting of the best hopes of humankind; Hate's indiscriminate earthquake, letting loose Of all the fiends of blood, and fire, and wind:
Sheer wreck of hearth and altar, home and State, Rending of reverenced ties, love desolate, Order submerged; these are the Gorgon's hopes, Which Law must frustrate ere 'tis all too late.
Smite Perseus! Wield the unhesitating brand With steadfast heart and with unfaltering hand; And from the grosser Gorgon of our day Free, in Humanity's cause, each harried land!
AN ADVERTISER'S APPEAL.
NEW LIGHTS FOR OLD.
On religious instruction being entirely omitted from the School Board curriculum, the following suggestions towards the formation of a moral and physical catechism may possibly be of use:--
EUROPEAN CRISIS AVERTED!!
DEPTFORD HATH ITS DARLING.
A LAY OF LOYALTY.
Deptford hath its DARLING, its DARLING, its DARLING! O! Deptford hath its DARLING, the great Cav-il-ler!
If ASQUITH needs stern warning, Or MORLEY wants the spur, They'll find it in our DARLING, The great Ca-vil-ler! O! Deptford hath its DARLING, &c.
"With Liberty Caps upon their heads Shall Anarchists confer On treason in Trafalgar Square?" Demands the Ca-vil-ler! O! Deptford hath its DARLING, &c.
And it's by the Square's damp fountains, And it's in their Press, with pen, Tr-r-raitors daren't sputter treason, For DARLING, best of men!
Deptford hath its DARLING, its DARLING, its DARLING! O! Deptford hath its DARLING, the great Cav-il-ler!
ANACREONTICS FOR ALL.
THE DOCTOR'S DITTY.
Here's to the patient of hectic fifteen! Here's to asthmatical fifty! Here's to the port-soaked dyspeptic old dean! And here's to the slop-swigger thrifty!
Let the dose pass,-- Drink, lad or lass! I'll warrant ye'll soon love the glass!
Here's to the charmer whom wrinkles surprise! Now to the maid who has none, Sir! Here's to the girl with two lungs of full size, And here's to the nymph with but one, Sir!
Here's to "Old Purple," with port in his toe! Now to him who's gone saffron on sherry! Here's to the masher whose mind's on the go Through making nocturnally merry!
For let 'em be gamesome or let 'em be grim, Ill or hearty, I care not a feather; Fill 'em--with physic--bang up to the brim, And let us all dose 'em together!
NEW VERSION.--An amendment has been proposed in our National Anthem. It is suggested that instead of "Knavish," we should substitute "Navy-ish," when the line in question would read "Frustrate their Navy-ish tricks," which may be applied to a Home Governmental policy or to that of our Continental possible foes, just as circumstances may require.
TO MARJORIE.
Dear little maid, who in the Circle train Sat so demurely, daintily arrayed In sweet old-fashioned garment of delane-- Dear little maid.
Your merry smile, your laugh all unafraid Made me forget the daily stress and strain. To earth your childish prattle quickly laid The phantoms that to middle age bring pain, And life seemed more attractive, not so staid. Oh! some day soon ride with me once again, Dear little maid.
A CHANCE FOR THE BRIEFLESS.
What we briefless barristers want in these hard times is merely the chance. I look to Messrs. GATTI to give it to us. I ought to add that the above address, though, in point of fact, it is my own, is given purely by way of illustration, and in no way to advertise myself, though should anyone wish to consult--again, of course, purely with reference to this suggestion--the way to my chambers from the Strand is down Middle Temple Lane, whilst the Temple Station is just three minutes' walk. I am, Sir, your obliged servant.
THE LOST SMELL.
Seated to-day at a concert, I am weary and ill at ease, Though LLOYD and ALBANI are singing, Or anyone else you please; I know not what they are doing, For something is wanting there-- That old-fashioned concert-hall odour Which throbbed in the scented air.
Add to tbrJar First Page Next Page