Read Ebook: A Book About Doctors by Jeaffreson John Cordy

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Ebook has 342 lines and 43924 words, and 7 pages

reet to a friend's house, followed by Williams, who fired another pistol at him. Such was the demoniacal fury of Williams, that, not contented with this outrage, he drew his sword, and ran Bennet through the body. But this last blow was repaid. Bennet managed to draw his rapier, and give his ferocious adversary a home-thrust--his sword entering the breast, coming out through the shoulder-blade, and snapping short. Williams crawled back in the direction of his house, but before he could reach it fell down dead. Bennet lived only four hours. A pleasant scene for the virtuous capital of a civilized and Christian people!

The example of Dr. Bennet and Dr. Williams was not lost upon the physicians of our American cousins. In the August of 1830, a meeting took place, near Philadelphia, between Dr. Smith and Dr. Jeffries. They exchanged shots at eight paces, without inflicting any injury, when their friends interposed, and tried to arrange the difficulty; but Dr. Jeffries swore that he would not leave the ground till some one had been killed. The principals were therefore put up again. At the second exchange of shots Dr. Smith's right arm was broken, when he gallantly declared that, as he was wounded, it would be gratifying to his feelings, to be killed. Third exchange of shots, and Dr. Smith, firing with his left arm, hits his man in the thigh, causing immense loss of blood. Five minutes were occupied in bandaging the wound; when Dr. Jeffries, properly primed with brandy, requested that no further obstacles might be raised between him and satisfaction. For a fourth time the mad men were put up--at the distance of six feet. The result was fatal to both. Dr. Smith dropped dead with a ball in his heart. Dr. Jeffries was shot through the breast, and survived only a few hours. The conduct of Dr. Jeffries during those last few hours was admirable, and most delightfully in keeping with the rest of the proceeding. On seeing his antagonist prostrate, the doctor asked if he was dead. On being assured that his enemy lived no longer, he observed, "Then I die contented." He then stated that he had been a school-mate with Dr. Smith, and that, during the fifteen years throughout which they had been on terms of great intimacy and friendship, he had valued him highly as a man of science and a gentleman.

"THE DUBLIN DOCTORS.

"My gentle muse, do not refuse To sing the Dublin Doctors, O; For they're the boys Who make the joys Of grave-diggers and proctors, O.

We'll take 'em in procession, O, We'll take 'em in succession, O; But how shall we Say who is he Shall lead the grand procession, O?

Least wit and greatest malice, O, Least wit and greatest malice, O, Shall mark the man Who leads the van, As they march to the gallows, O.

First come then, Doctor Big Paw, O, Come first then, Doctor Big Paw, O; Mrs Kilfoyle Says you would spoil Its shape, did you her wig paw, O.

Come next, dull Dr Labat, O, Come next, dull Dr Labat, O; Why is it so, You kill the doe, Whene'er you catch the rabbit, O?

Come, Harvey, drunken dandy, O, Come, Harvey, drunken dandy, O; Thee I could paint A walking saint, If you lov'd God like brandy, O.

Come next, Doctor Drumsnuffle, O, Come next, Doctor Drumsnuffle, O; Well stuffed with lead, Your leather head Is thick as hide of Buffaloe.

Come next, Colossus Jackson, O, Come next, Colossus Jackson, O; As jack-ass mute, A burthen brute, Just fit to trot with packs on, O.

Come next, sweet Paddy Rooney, O, Come next, sweet Paddy Rooney, O; Tho' if you stay Till judgment's day, You'll come a month too soon-y, O.

Come next, sweet Breeny Creepmouse, O, Come next, sweet Breeny Creepmouse, O; Thee heaven gave Just sense to shave A corpse, or an asleep mouse, O.

For I say, creep-mouse Breeny, O, For I say, creep-mouse Breeny, O; Thee I can't sing The fairy's king, But I'll sing you their Queen-y O;

For I say, Dr Breeny, O, For I say, Dr Breeny, O; If I for once Called you a dunce, I'd shew a judgment weeny, O.

Come, Richards dull and brazen, O, Come, Richards dull and brazen, O; A prosperous drone, You stand alone, For wondering sense to gaze on, O.

Then come, you greasy blockhead, O, Then come, you greasy blockhead, O; Balked by your face, We quickly trace, Your genius to your pocket, O.

Come, Crampton, man of capers, O, Come, Crampton, man of capers, O; . . . . .

And come, long Doctor Renney, O, And come, long Doctor Renney, O; If sick I'd fee As soon as thee, Old Arabella Denny, O.

Come, Tandragee Ferguson, O, Come, Tandragee Ferguson, O; Fool, don't recoil, But as your foil Bring Ireland or Puke Hewson, O.

Come, ugly Dr Alman, O, Come, ugly Dr Alman, O; But bring a mask, Or do not ask, When come, that we you call man, O. . . . . .

Come, Boyton, king of dunces, O, Come, Boyton, king of dunces, O; Who call you knave No lies receive, Nay, that your name each one says, O.

Come, Colles, do come, Aby, O, Come, Colles, do come, Aby, O; Tho' all you tell, You'll make them well, You always 'hould say may be, O.

Come, beastly Dr Toomy, O, Come, beastly Dr Toomy, O; If impudence Was common sense As you no sage ere knew me, O.

Come, smirking, smiling Beattie, O, Come, smirking, smiling Beattie, O; In thee I spy An apple eye Of cabbage and potaty, O.

Come, louse-bit Nasom Adams, O, Come, louse-bit Nasom Adams, O; In jail or dock Your face would shock It thee as base and bad damus, O.

Come next, Frank Smyth on cockney, O, Come next, Frank Smyth on cockney, O; Sweet London's pride, I see you ride, Despising all who flock nigh, O.

And bring your partner Bruen, O, And bring your partner Bruen, O; And with him ride All by your side, Like two fond turtles cooing, O.

Come next, Spilsberry Deegan, O, Come next, Spilsberry Deegan, O; With grace and air Come kill the fair, Your like we'll never, see 'gain, O.

Come, Harry Grattan Douglass, O, Come, Harry Grattan Douglass, O; A doctor's name I think you claim, With right than my dog pug less, O.

Come, Oronoko Harkan, O, Come, Oronoko Harkan, O; I think your face Is just the place God fix'd the blockhead's mark on, O.

Come, Christ-denying Taylor, O, Come, Christ-denying Taylor, O; Hell made your phiz On man's a quiz, But made it for a jailor, O.

Come, Packwood, come, Carmichael, O, Come, Packwood, come, Carmichael, O; Your cancer-paste, The fools who taste, Whom it kills not does nigh kill, O.

Come next, Adonis Harty, O, Come next, Adonis Harty, O; Your face and frame Shew equal claim, Tam Veneri quam Marti, O.

Here ends my song on Doctors, O, Here ends my song on Doctors, O; Who, when all damn'd In hell are cramm'd, Will beggar all the Proctors, O."

Brenan was as ready to fell a professional antagonist and brother with a bludgeon, hunting-whip, or pistol, as he was to scarify him with doggerel. He was as bold a fellow as Dr. Walsh, the Hibernian AEsculapius, who did his best to lay Dr. Andrew Marshall down amongst the daisies and the dead men. Andrew Marshall, when a divinity-student at Edinburgh, was insulted by a youngster named Macqueen. The insolence of the lad was punished by the professor giving him a caning. Smarting with the indignity offered him, Macqueen ran home to his father, imploring vengeance; whereupon the irate sire promptly sallied forth, and entering Marshall's lodgings, exclaimed:--

"Are you the scoundrel that dared to attack my son?"

An affair that ended not less agreeably was that in which Dr. Brocklesby was concerned as principal, where the would-be belligerents left the ground without exchanging shots, because their seconds could not agree on the right number of paces at which to stick up their man. When Akenside was fool enough to challenge Ballow, a wicked story went about that the fight didn't come off because one had determined never to fight in the morning, and the other that he would never fight in the afternoon. But the fact was--Ballow was a paltry mean fellow, and shirked the peril into which his ill-manners had brought him. The lively and pleasant author of "Physic and Physicians," countenancing this unfair story, reminds us of the off-hand style of John Wilkes in such little affairs. When asked by Lord Talbot "How many times they were to fire?" the brilliant demagogue responded--

THE LOVES OF PHYSICIANS.

Honour has flowed to physicians by the regular channels of professional duty in but scant allowance. Their children have been frequently ennobled by marriage or for political services. Sir Hans Sloane's daughter Elizabeth, and manor of Chelsea, passed into the Cadogan family, the lady marrying the second Baron Cadogan. Like Sir Hans, Dr. Huck Sanders left behind him two daughters, co-heiresses of his wealth, of whom one was ennobled through wedlock, the tenth Earl of Westmoreland raising her to be his second wife. Lord Combermere married the heiress of Dr. Gibbings, of Cork. In the same way Dr. Marwood's property came to the present Sir Marwood Elton by the marriage of his grandfather with Frances, the daughter and heiress of the Devonshire doctor. On the other hand, as instances of the offspring of physicians exalted to the ranks of the aristocracy for their political services, the Lords Sidmouth, Denman, and Kingsdown may be mentioned. Henry Addington, created Viscount Sidmouth, of the county of Devon, was the eldest son of Anthony Addington, M.D., of Reading--the physician who objected to fighting any brother physician who had not graduated at either Oxford or Cambridge. Dr. Anthony was the enthusiastic toady of the great Earl of Chatham. Devoted to his own interests and the Pitt family, he rose from the humble position of keeper of a provincial lunatic asylum to eminence in the medical profession. Coming up to town in 1754, under the patronage of Pitt, he succeeded in gaining the confidence of the Court, and was, with Dr. Richard Warren, Dr. Francis Willis, Dr. Thomas Gisborne, Sir Lucas Pepys, and Dr. Henry Revell Reynolds, examined, in 1782, by the committee appointed to examine "the physicians who attended his illness, touching the state of his Majesty's health." He took a very hopeful view of the king's case; and on being asked the foundation of his hopes, alluded to his experience in the treatment of the insane at Reading. The doctor had himself a passion for political intrigue, which descended to his son. The career of this son, who raised himself to the Speaker's chair in the House of Commons, to the dignity of First Minister of the Crown, and to the peerage of the realm, is matter of history.

Lord Denman was closely connected with the medical profession by family ties: his father being Dr. Denman, of Mount Street, Grosvenor Square, the author of a well-known work on a department of his profession; his uncle being Dr. Joseph Denman of Bakewell; and his two sisters having married two eminent physicians, Margaret being the wife of Sir Richard Croft, Bart., and Sophia the wife of Dr. Baillie. Lord Kingsdown's medical ancestor was his grandfather, Edward Pemberton, M.D., of Warrington.

"What's his title to be?" asked Sheridan, as he was playing at cards; "what's Sylvester Douglas to be called?"

"Lord Glenbervie," was the answer.

"Glenbervie, Glenbervie, What's good for the scurvy? For ne'er be your old trade forgot. In your arms rather quarter A pestle and mortar, And your crest be a spruce gallipot."

The brilliant partizan and orator displayed more wit, if not better taste, in his ridicule of Addington, who, in allusion to the rise of his father from a humble position in the medical profession, was ordinarily spoken of by political opponents as "The Doctor." On one occasion, when the Scotch members who usually supported Addington voted in a body with the opposition, Sheridan, with a laugh of triumph, fired off a happy mis-quotation from Macbeth,--"Doctor, the Thanes fly from thee."

Henry Bickersteth, Lord Langdale, was the luckiest of physicians and lawyers. He used the medical profession as a stepping-stone, and the legal profession as a ladder, and had the fortune to win two of the brightest prizes of life--wealth and a peerage--without the humiliation and toil of serving a political party in the House of Commons. The second son of a provincial surgeon, he was apprenticed to his father, and educated for the paternal calling. On being qualified to kill, he became medical attendant to the late Earl of Oxford, during that nobleman's travels on the Continent. Returning to his native town, Kirby Lonsdale, he for awhile assisted his father in the management of his practice; but resolved on a different career from that of a country doctor, he became a member of Caius College, Cambridge, and devoted himself to mathematical study with such success that, in 1808, when he was twenty-eight years old, he became Senior Wrangler and First Smith's prizeman. As late as the previous year he was consulted medically by his father. In 1811 he was called to the bar by the Inner Temple, and from that time till his elevation to the Mastership of the Rolls he was both the most hard-working and hard-worked of the lawyers in the Equity Courts, to which he confined his practice. In 1827 he became a bencher of his Inn; and, in 1835, although he was a staunch and zealous liberal, and a strenuous advocate of Jeremy Bentham's opinions, he was offered a seat on the judicial bench by Sir Robert Peel. This offer he declined, though he fully appreciated the compliment paid him by the Tory chieftain. He had not, however, to wait long for his promotion. In the following year he was, by his own friends, made Master of the Rolls, and created a peer of the realm, with the additional honour of being a Privy-Councillor. His Lordship died at Tunbridge Wells, in 1851, in his sixty-eighth year. It would be difficult to point to a more enviable career in legal annals than that of this medical lawyer, who won the most desirable honours of his profession without ever sitting in the House of Commons, or acting as a legal adviser of the Crown--and when he had not been called quite twenty-five years. To give another touch to this picture of a successful life, it may be added, that Lord Langdale, after rising to eminence, married Elizabeth, daughter of the Earl of Oxford, to whom he had formerly been travelling medical attendant.

"Nay," quoth the Duke, "in thy black scroll Deductions I espye-- For those who, poor, and mean, and low, With children burthen'd lie.

"And though full sixty thousand pounds My vassals pay to me, From Cornwall to Northumberland, Through many a fair countree;

"Well," said the king, at last grudgingly promising to make Eliot a baronet--"my Lord, since you desire it, let it be; but remember he shall not be my physician."

"No, sir," answered Lord George--"he shall be your Majesty's baronet, and my physician."

Amongst other plans Sir John resorted to, to scare away his patients and patronesses, he had a death's-head painted on his carriage-panels; but the result of this eccentric measure on his practice and on his sufferings was the reverse of what he desired. One lady--the daughter of a noble member of a Cabinet--ignorant that he was otherwise occupied, made him an offer, and on learning to her astonishment that he was a married man, vowed that she would not rest till she had assassinated his wife.

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