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Read Ebook: Punch or the London Charivari Volume 107 August 11 1894 by Various
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Ebook has 72 lines and 10236 words, and 2 pages
"MOWING THEM DOWN!"
If BALFOUR would only fight fair; And impose that condition on BARTLEY; If JOE would not ravage and shriek like a savage; Did TOMMY talk less, and less tartly; Were GOSCHEN less eager for scalps, And kept a tight rein upon HANBURY; Why then 'twere all right; we'd soon get through our fight And hatred in love's flowing can bury.
AIRS RESUMPTIVE.
My heart is like a driver-club, That heaves the pellet hard and straight, That carries every let and rub. The whole performance really great; My heart is like a bulger-head, That whiffles on the wily tee,-- Because my love distinctly said She'd halve the round of life with me.
My heart is also like a cleek, Resembling most the mashie sort, That spanks the object, so to speak, Across the sandy bar to port; And hers is like a putting green, The haven where I boast to be, For she assures me she is keen To halve the round of life with me.
Some wear their hearts upon their sleeve, And others lose 'em on the links; Therefore my heart is like to some Lost ball that nestles on the lea, Because my love has kindly come To halve the round of life with me.
Raise me a bunker, if you can, That beetles o'er a deadly ditch, Where any but the bogey-man Is practically bound to pitch; Plant me beneath a hedge of thorn, Or up a figurative tree, What matter, when my love has sworn To halve the round of life with me?
THE YELLOW AGE.
A LITTLE HOLIDAY.
SATURDAY POPS.
NEW SERIES.
"I am a bachelor, therefore I say, men, you are welcome to my very simple hospitality if it is of any use to you. I can do with a limited number every or any Saturday. Any creed or class is welcome. All I stipulate for is honest souls. Come and smoke and talk under the trees and spend a quiet time away from the town. I simply condition--no publicity or fuss, the giving and acceptance of the invitation quietly, honestly, brother to brother. Would you, Sir, forward any letters on to me?"
SIR,--Owing to the Death Duties, I am no longer a rich man, but I have a little house in Piccadilly, not more than a twopenny 'bus ride from Charing Cross. It has occurred to me that some hungry working-man might like to drop in to a quiet little dinner some night. I am a Duke, therefore I say, comrades in depression, you are welcome to my roof, if it's of any use to you. I can dine a hundred or so of you any or every night. All I stipulate for is that there shall be no speaking, for speaking bores me horribly.
D-V-NSH-RE.
LOWERED!
Rates, rates, rates, Of an exigent L. C. C.! And I'm glad they can't hear the language We utter so frequentlee!
O well for the excellent Chairman For trying to reduce them a bit! O well for those Councillors wary Who on costly "improvements" sit!
And "demand-notes" still go on, And our pockets are steadily bled; But "O for a tenpenny rate, And the sins of a 'Board' that is dead!"
Rates, rates, rates! Thanks, men of the L. C. C.! We trust the farthing now taken off Will never go back to ye!
"AFTER THE HEALTH CONGRESS IS OVER."
QUERY.--"The Lancashire Rubber Company"--is this something new in the way of Massage? or is it a Company got up for the express purpose of supplying Society with Whist-players?
THE LATEST MADE OF HONOUR AT RICHMOND.--SIR JAMES W. SZLUMPER, Knight.
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