Read Ebook: The Art of Kissing: Curiously Historically Humorously Poetically Considered by Rossiter Will

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A Kentucky authority insists that a man must be in humor for the business; you want to get the idea into your head that the girl is just dying to be kissed by you and is only waiting for you to make the break. Then you want to take a good view of her mouth and see just how much of it you can take in. If she has a regular rose-bud mouth, why, take it all in and throw your whole soul into one kiss, but if her mouth has the appearance of a landscape cut in two by a waterless river, then the safest plan is to take in the corners and byways, and sort of divide your kiss into sections. Most girls have no end of cheek, therefore a fellow can seldom miss fire in kissing a girl on the cheek. Do not kiss her ear as nine cases out of ten the girl will make a slight dodge so as to impress you with the idea that you are really surprising her in your action; the result is you miss the ear, kiss her hair and get your mouth full of ten-cent hair oil. Only actors kiss on the brow. If a girl has a pretty mouth kiss it every time, but if her mouth is so large that you endanger your life by getting too near it, then resort to the next best thing and kiss her on the cheek.

We repeat, to kiss a woman properly the size of her mouth must be carefully gauged before proceeding to the work. Large mouths put a man to the severest test; he will be driven to his wit's end whether to begin at one corner and conclude on the other, or to make a heroic dash at the middle and endeavor to reach both corners. The heroic dash is considered by students in the art of kissing to be the best, for it takes the least amount of time, and allowance should always be made for the struggle to get away from the kisser which, albeit only a mock effort, might inadvertently prove successful. Delicately-formed mouths with rounded lips and of a velvety color are the easiest to kiss, and most submissive.

You must never kiss a young girl if she doesn't want you to. The main ingredient that makes kissing endurable is a willingness on the part of the female. If it deepens into anxiety so much the better. When a girl claws a man's hair and scratches his face like a little fool drop her at once. As long as the girl doesn't claw and yell and struggle like a panther, it is perfectly safe to continue prospecting. If you are just beginning to teach a shy girl, who has only been kissed heretofore by her brothers and father, touch your lips gently to her forehead. She will take this as an exhibition of profound respect. That position gained, working the way down to the lips is as natural and easy as the course of a log sliding down the wood flume of a lumber company.

A popular comic song with the imperative title of "Sock her on the kisser" states that when a man falls in love with a little turtle-dove "he will linger all around her under-jaw" and goes on, in a chorus, to give directions, to wit:

If you want to kiss her neatly, very sweetly and completely, If you want to kiss her so's to kiss her nice, When you get a chance to kiss her, make a dodge or two and miss her, Then sock her on the kisser once or twice.

That rhyme will do for the "gallery gods"; those in the orchestra seats will appreciate the following:

The cutest trick in a kiss that's quick Is to put it where it belongs; To see that it goes below the nose And knocks at the gate of songs.

A kiss that is cold may do for the old, Or pass with a near relation; But one like that is a work--that's flat-- Of supererogation.

If you're going to kiss, be sure of this-- That the girl has some heart in her; I wouldn't give a darn for the full of a barn Of kisses without a partner.

The point of this rhyme is to take your time, Kiss slowly and do it neatly; If you do the thing right and are halfway bright, You can win her sweet heart completely.

Of course hugging is often a legitimate part of kissing. A Western writer has given us a humorous account of the dangers of hugging. He claims that hugging is a comparatively modern institution and draws the line between the hug and the embrace. The hug is an earnest, quick, impetuous contraction of the muscles of the arms and the chest when the object to be hugged lies within the circle bounded by the arms, while the chest is the goal or final point of the hug. The warmth of the hug is determined by the extent of the muscular contraction. But the hug is not, as anatomists assert, terminated when the object is brought in contact with the chest. On the contrary the sweeping in is but the shell of the operation. The kernel is reached when the space between the hugger and the huggee is annihilated, and the blade of a knife could scarcely be inserted between both surfaces. The release, if not skillfully managed, is attended with danger and should be as gradual as the elementary pressure. Expressions of anguish on the part of the huggee may, as a rule, be regarded as hypocritical, and should have no effect in inducing the hugger to diminish the pressure. Danger signals, from the huggee, without foundation may be punished by from two to three pounds additional pressure.

An American naval officer who, while in Japan, had become smitten with a Chinese girl, invited her to give him a kiss. Finding her comprehension of his request somewhat obscure, he suited the action to the word, and took a delicious kiss. The girl ran in another room exclaiming "terrible man-eater. I shall be devoured." But in a moment finding herself uninjured she returned to him, saying "I would learn more of your American rite, kee-es me." He knew it was not right but he kept on instructing her in the rite of "kee-es me" until she knew how to do it like a native Yankee girl. And after that she suggested a second course, remarking "kee-es me some more, Mee-lee-kee!" . And the lesson went on until her mamma's voice rudely awakened them from their delicious dream.

The concluding lines of a Chinese poem show that in some circles of China, at least, kissing is understood:

A man ought to know how to kiss and a girl ought to know how to receive a kiss. The Rev. Sidney Smith, the witty divine, says: "we are in favor of a certain amount of shyness when a kiss is proposed, but it should not be too long, and when the fair one gives it, let it be administered with a warmth and energy; let there be soul in it. If she close her eyes and sighs immediately after it the effect is greater. She should be careful not to slobber a kiss but give it as a humming-bird runs his bill into a honeysuckle, deep but delicate. There is much virtue in a kiss when well delivered. We have the memory of one we received in our youth which lasted us forty years, and we believe it will be one of the last things we shall think of when we die."

The poets have sung of long remembered kisses. One fugitive poem entitled "Three Kisses" describes the lover as sitting beneath the whispering trees and speaking the tender words that rose unbidden upon his lips.

I gently raised her sweet, pure face, Her eyes with radiant love-light filled. That trembling kiss I'll ne'er forget, Which both our hearts with rapture thrilled.

After ten years the sweetheart, now his wife, dies and he is gazing at the pale shape of clay, once warm with the throb of human life.

Softly I stoop those lips to kiss, That oft have thrilled with rapturous love, But they are cold and motionless, No power again can make them move.

The last farewell caress is o'er, E'en that cold touch is now denied; A grief, like waves on barren shore, Sweeps over me, an endless tide.

And so the bereaved one gives way to his sad thoughts and recognizes the fact that he must struggle on alone. But while his tearless eyes with madness shine he feels the arms of his baby child stealing round his neck and the baby lips laid against his own.

My bonds are loosed; I press the child Against my breast while fall the tears; Beyond the throes of passion wild A ray of living hope appears.

Sweet child, thy mother's very soul Was in that kiss. Through worldly strife Perchance men find a Heavenly goal, A purer love in death than life.

We have helped each other always, We always will. We shall reach until we feel each other, Beyond all time and space; We shall listen until we hear each other In every place; The earth is full of messengers Which love sends to and fro; I kiss thee, darling, for all joy Which we shall know!

The last kiss is given with the remembrance that they may die and never see each other.

Die with no time to give Any sign that our hearts are faithful To die as live. Token of what they will not see Who see our parting breath, This one last kiss my darling seals The seal of death.

A poetical apostrophe to the benefit of a wife's kiss is entitled "Angel food";

"Give me a kiss, 'twill cure the pain and ache Of the long day of weariness and toil; Like summer sunshine all life's shadows make, My burdens lighter, and my sins assoil."

So every day he lived on angel's-food; Made strong and valiant by her wifely kiss; To bravely put aside temptations rude, Yet knew not whence his armor came, I wis,

Nor knows he now, albeit she is gone, But lives his life in brave and saintly mood-- The kisses which he grew and strengthened on, Are still to him his daily angel-food.

And here is a description of "Two Kisses":

You bent your head, then close you pressed Your warm and glowing lips to mine; Your tender hand my hair caressed, When first you gave that kiss divine,

My heart was throbbing with delight, My soul was steeped in holy bliss; I gazed into your eyes so bright, When first you gave me that sweet kiss.

In all the after years of pain, When from my side you I did miss, I think I see your face again, When you first gave me that sweet kiss.

I stand again in that old lane. But now the leaves are sere and yellow, And with a heart of grief and pain, I see you kiss another fellow.

In the ceremony of betrothal a kiss has played an important part in several nations. A nuptial kiss in church at the conclusion of the marriage services is solemnly enjoined by the York Missal and the Sarum Manual. In the old play of "The Insensate Countess," by Marston, occurs the line:

The kiss thou gav'st me in church here take,

It was also considered an honor to be the first to kiss the bride after the ceremony, and all who would might contend for the prize. In the "Collier's Wedding," by Edward Chicken, we read:

Four rustic fellows wait the while To kiss the bride at the church stile.

When ladies' lips were at the service of all it became usual to have fragrant scented comfits or sweets, of which we find frequent mention. In Massinger's "Very Woman" occurs the following:

Faith! Search our pockets, and if you find there Comfits of amber grease to help our kisses, Conclude us faulty.

Pliny describes the introduction of the custom to the degeneracy of the Roman ladies who, in violation of the hereditary delicacy of the females of Rome, descended to the indulgence of wine. Kissing was resorted to by husbands as the most courteous process to ascertain the quality of their wives' libations; and Cato, the elder, recommends the plan to the serious attention of all careful heads of families.

There is much significance in kisses. To kiss the lips is to adore the living breath of the person saluted; to kiss the feet or the ground is to express humiliation; to kiss the garments to express veneration. The kissing of hands is of great antiquity, and seems to have been equally employed in religion and in social life. It was thus that the sun and moon were worshipped from the remotest ages. Job alludes to this custom when he says: "If I have looked upon the sun when he was shining forth, or at the moon advancing bright, and my heart have been secretly enticed, and my hand have kissed my mouth, this also were an iniquity," etc. Lucian relates of Demosthenes that, having fallen into the hands of Antipater and obtained permission to enter a temple in the neighborhood, he carried his hand to his mouth on entering, which his guards took for an act of religion, but, when too late, found he had swallowed poison. Among the Romans, persons were treated as atheists who would not kiss their hands when they entered a temple. In the early days of Christianity, it was the custom of the primeval bishops to give their hands to be kissed by the ministers who served at the altar. This custom, however, as a religious rite, declined with paganism.

In society, the kissing of hands has always been regarded as a mute form of compliment, and used in asking favors, in thanking those from whom they have been received, and in showing veneration for superiors. Priam, in Homer, kissed the hands and embraced the knees of Achilles in conjuring him to restore the body of Hector. This custom prevailed in ancient Rome, but it varied. In the first ages of the Republic it seems to have been only practiced by inferiors to their superiors; equals gave their hands and embraced. In the progress of time, even the soldiers refused to show this mark of respect to their generals; and their kissing the hand of Cato when he was obliged to quit them was regarded as an extraordinary circumstance, at a period of such refinement. Under the emperors, kissing hands became an essential duty, even for the great themselves; inferior courtiers were obliged to be content to adore the purple by kneeling, touching the robe of the emperor by the right hand, and carrying it to the mouth. Even this was thought too free; and at length they saluted the emperor at a distance by kissing their hands, in the same manner as when they adored the gods. Solomon says of the flatterers and suppliants of his time, that they ceased not to kiss the hands of their patrons till they had obtained the favors which they had solicited. Cortez found the custom in Mexico, where upwards of a thousand of the nobility saluted him by touching the earth with their hands, which they carried afterwards to their mouths.

Kissing the hand is a national custom in Austria. A gentleman on meeting a lady friend kisses her hand, and does the same at parting from her. A beggar-woman to whom you have given an alms, either kisses your hand or says: "I kiss your hand." The stranger must expect to have his hand kissed not only by beggars, but by chambermaids, lackeys, and even by old men.

In Ben Jonson's play, "Cynthia's Revels," Hedon says to his friend: "You know I call Madam Philantia, my Honor; and she calls me her Ambition. Now, when I meet her in the presence, anon, I will come to her and say, 'Sweet Honor, I have hitherto contented my sense with the lilies of your hand, but now I will taste the roses of your lips;' and, withal, kiss her; to which she cannot but blushingly answer, 'Nay, now you are too ambitious.' And then do I reply: 'I cannot be too Ambitious of Honor, sweet lady. Will't not be good?'"

And his friend assures him that it is "a very politic achievement of a kiss."

When the gallant Cardinal, John of Lorraine, was presented to the Duchess of Savoy, she gave him her hand to kiss, greatly to the indignation of the irate churchman. "How, madam," he exclaimed, "am I to be treated in this manner? I kiss the Queen, my mistress, who is the greatest queen in the world, and shall I not kiss you, a dirty little Duchess?" Without more ado he caught hold of the princess and kissed her thrice in the mouth. He was apparently of the mind of Selden, who thought "to kiss ladies' hands after their lips, as some do, is like little boys who, after they eat the apple, fall to the paring."

It was a custom among the Greeks and Romans to drink from the same cup as their lady friends, and from the spot where the fair one had touched the brim. Ben Jonson borrows this idea from a Greek poet when he says:

Or leave a kiss within the cup, And I'll not ask for wine.

One of the older poets referring to this custom, writes:

Blest is the goblet, oh! how blest, Which Heliodorus' lips have pressed! Oh, might thy lips but meet with mine, My soul should melt away in thine.

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