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Read Ebook: Lady Huntworth's Experiment: An original comedy in three acts by Carton R C Richard Claude
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Ebook has 1626 lines and 58707 words, and 33 pages
BOY. All right. Keep your 'air on.
LUCY. Good morning, Mr. Thorsby!
THOR. Good morning!
LUCY. You're an early visitor.
GAN. Bird's nestin'!
LUCY. What does he mean?
THOR. He caught me standing up on that seat. I had just found your letter, and I had to give some explanation.
LUCY. And couldn't you rise to anything better than that? My dear Harry, what an idiot you are.
THOR. You see, I greatly dislike any deviation from the truth.
THOR. Darling!
LUCY. Oh, Harry, do shut up a minute. You object to shams, how is a properly organised household to be carried on without 'em? Suppose I'm up to my neck in something important--putting finishing touches to a new ball-dress, we'll say--and some female horror calls--mustn't I be out because I happen to be at home? Deviation from the truth! My dear boy, I should deviate for all I was worth. So you got my letter?
THOR. Yes.
LUCY. And your answer?
THOR. I posted it in our usual letter box.
LUCY. All right, I'll get it directly. Does it give full directions?
THOR. I think so.
LUCY. Got the special license?
THOR. Yes.
LUCY. You've arranged with old Bristowe?
THOR. Yes.
LUCY. And we bike over to Ingledene Church--what time? Early of course?
THOR. I said nine.
LUCY. Very well. Now you'd better go. They'll be coming out to breakfast.
THOR. Darling!
LUCY. Back windows!
THOR. I was going to say that I can't help regretting the way we are treating Captain Dorvaston.
LUCY. You mind your own business. Captain Dorvaston is in my department.
THOR. I never fully understood how you came to be engaged.
LUCY. Simple enough. My father was a colonel who did some rather big things on the Indian frontier, and in a dust up with one of the native Princes got himself into rather a tight corner. Jack Dorvaston--he was only a subaltern then--pulled him out of it, and in fact saved his life; so when the governor died a year or two later, he left a strong wish behind that the Captain should marry me.
THOR. I understand.
LUCY. It was a queer way of showing his gratitude, seeing that I was then a particularly unattractive child, all elbows and knees.
THOR. Lucy!
LUCY. Mean business! No, with the exception possibly of Cook.
THOR. Cook!
LUCY. Somehow I've a notion she's tumbled to it.
LUCY. Prattle about it? No, I think she rather likes me--tolerates would be a better word.
THOR. Tolerates? A woman of that class?
LUCY. Cook is a very great personage; she rules the vicarage. Auntie made a show of resistance at first, but Uncle and Jack have been abject slaves from the start.
THOR. Really?
LUCY. Oh yes; when a woman is striking in appearance, evidently has a past history, and can make an omelette, I don't see what's going to stop her.
THOR. What's her history?
LUCY. How should I know? She was recommended to us by the Duchess of Sturton at the time she opened the bazaar--you remember. Local philanthropic?
THOR. Then you've nothing tangible to go on?
LUCY. Not from a masculine standpoint. Cook doesn't give herself away, but, like Achilles, she has one vulnerable point, and in the same locality.
THOR. How is that?
LUCY. She wears the neatest, quietest shoes imaginable, only I happened to notice they have Louis heels. That tells you nothing--the inference is too subtle; but it's quite enough for me. Make a dignified clerical exit--here comes Gandy.
THOR. I think I won't wait, Miss Lucy. So will you kindly give my message to Mr. Pillenger?
LUCY. Certainly!
THOR. Thank you. Good morning!
LUCY. Good morning. Gandy! what is there for breakfast?
GAN. H'eggs!
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