Read Ebook: The Seaside Sibyl; Or Leaves of Destiny: A Fortune Teller in Verse by Anonymous

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Ebook has 178 lines and 13050 words, and 4 pages

And 10 Cents for a set of large size SCRAP BOOK CARDS in colors; amusing, instructive, beautiful.

And 35 Cents for Song and Chorus of "ROUGH ON RATS." This is immense. Just out. Everybody crazy for it.

All together, 50 Cents.

They say when Bismarck greeted Grant, he smiled one of those fatherland grins, held out his hand and exclaimed: "Vegates, sheneral? I vas overcome mit gladness by myself to see you; sit mit yourself down. Adolph, two beers, right away, quick, so helup you gracious!"

It has cost 3,000,000 to look after the Indians during the past ten years. The Indians may be poor, but so are several persons in New York and other large cities.

"What I'd like to know," said a schoolboy, "Is how the mouths of rivers can be so much larger than their heads." The boy has evidently not yet seen much of our congressmen.

The supper was laid on a table trim When out comes, roaring, my young son, Jim, "Oh! daddy, the rats! A dozen or two, Are gobbling the supper, and baby too." My wife, with a scream, seized iron and broom, I clutched a bottle, and made for the room. Never was heard such a hullabaloo! It woke up the cat, and terrier too. The terrier thought we were hunting the cat, Got a grip of her tail, as she went for the rat. Jim, with his hatchet, tumbled over a pail, And tried to hold terrier back by the tail. I caught Jim by the wool, but rather too late-- The table received such a bump from his pate That teapot, plates, lamp, chairs, baby and all, Were upset on the floor, 'mid crash and squall. The people about shouted "Murder! Fire!" And the Police rushed in the cause to inquire; They'd listen to nothing we wanted to state, But to the next station lugged me off straight. Swore I was drunk--nearly murdered my wife, And of my poor infant endangered the life, Broke tables, chairs, and the crockery ware; When the Justice said, "What a savage old bear," Not heeding a word my poor wife did swear. Imprisoned and fined, I cursed my sad fate, When lately I learned, but rather too late, Instead of depending on traps, dogs or cats, My only protection was "Rough on Rats."

A gentleman was examining an umbrella and commenting upon its fine quality. "Yes," said a person present, "he fancies everything he sees." "And," added a third party, "is inclined to seize everything he fancies."

If there is anything in this world calculated to make a man forget that he's been to hear Moodey and Sankey on the previous evening, is to bounce cheerily out of bed in the morning and light on the business end of a tack.

A New Jersey female institute contains thirty-four red-headed girls, and the principal dispenses with gas and all other artificial light.

The Lady Habberton's divided skirt for females is to be exhibited at Kate Field's co-operative dress association establishment in New York. It won't do. The only divided skirts in vogue are those worn by ballet girls, which divide high, the upper quarter only being worn.

A New York hotel proprietor, who thought of raising his rates, has wisely concluded to retain his present prices-- and .50 a day. This will be hailed with gratitude by clerks and others, who make only or a week.

The editor who said his mouth never uttered a lie, probably spoke through his nose.

Great Triumph.--The universal success of WELLS' THROAT AND LUNG BALSAM, in Consumption, Coughs, Bronchitis, Asthma and Pulmonary diseases, is attracting notice throughout the country. It is without question a remarkable preparation, and has given abundant evidences of peculiar efficacy in controlling Pulmonary diseases. Cures of severest forms of long standing throat and lung affections reported every day. Relief is immediate and certain.

To be Permanently Esteemed, a medicine must possess virtues so marked as to be plainly apparent. The good name attained by WELLS' THROAT AND LUNG BALSAM is evidence of worth. It has proved a thoroughly reliable, trustworthy family cough cure. Can never be given amiss. The best possible remedy in any and all affections of Throat, Chest and Lungs. Even if every other means fail this gives relief. The only remedy of any service in whooping cough; being always reliable and safe, is such as one friend can take pleasure in recommending to another.

E. S. WELLS, JERSEY CITY, N. J.

"Pa, I guess our man Ralph is a good Christian." "How so, my boy?" "Why, Pa, I read in the Bible that the wicked shall not live out half his days, and Ralph says he has lived out ever since he was a little boy."

"What is that dog barking at," asked a fop, whose boots were more polished than his ideas. "Why," said a by-stander, "he sees another puppy in your boots."

A popular writer, speaking of the ocean telegraph, wonders whether the news transmitted through the salt water will be fresh.

Spanish women are great S'noras.

FALSE MODESTY.

Every one of ordinary intelligence knows that Kidney Disease, Affections of the Bladder and Urinary Complaints, are as legitimate and common to both sexes , as those involving any other portion of the economy. Therefore, a remedy possessing unprecedented virtues in treatment of these diseases should have a respectful hearing. If afflicted, you will have reason to rejoice over the day you commenced the use of PROF. CHAPIN'S BUCHU-PAIBA . .00 per bottle, at Druggists. Sent to any address on receipt of price, ; 6 bottles, .

BUCHU-PAIBA.

PROF. CHAPIN'S BUCHU-PAIBA.--A quick, complete cure for all Urinary, Kidney, Bladder and Genital Diseases, in male or female, as Paralysis, Diabetes, Gravel, Difficulty of holding or passing Urine, Gleet, Turbid Urine, Brick Dust and other Deposits, Stricture, Irritation, Inflammation, Inaction, Whites, Impure or Diseased Discharges, Contagious Diseases, Pains in the Back and Thighs, Dragging Down, Dripping, Ulcers, Tumors, Dropsy, Enlargement of Prostate, Bloody or Puss-Matter discharges, &c. .00.

CHAPIN'S INJECTION FLEUR is to be used with BUCHU-PAIBA in cases of Impure or Diseased Discharges. Price , . His "CONSTITUTION BITTER SYRUP," drives all traces from the blood. Price, .

Either Remedy to be had of druggists, or a bottle by express, to any address, on receipt of .00; 6 bottles of one kind, or assorted, .00. ADDRESS,

E. S. WELLS, 22 Summit Ave., Jersey City, N. J.

What is the difference between a tube and a foolish Dutchman? One is a hollow cylinder, and the other is a silly Hollander.

A man may forget his business, his family, and all the sacred obligations of life, but he always remembers where he got that counterfeit bill.

The furniture recently sold at the Astor House in New York, was rich with historical reminiscences and insects.

A Washington man who was treated to a "25-center," slipped back to the cigar store, the other day, and economically exchanged it for "three for a quarter."

A paper watch, in good running order, has been exhibited by a Dresden watch-maker. Made, we suppose, from promissory notes which had been running on forever.

"Every Little helps," said old man Little, when he called his wife and two daughters out to assist him split up a cord of hickory wood.

In Alaska you can buy whisky for 14 cents a quart; and murder and villainy are correspondingly cheap.

"Belles" call a great many people to church.

What's in a name? D. Seaver drives a St. Louis milk wagon.

WELLS' HEALTH RENEWER.

CURES

HEADACHE, DYSPEPSIA, NERVOUSNESS, DECLINE,

SOUR STOMACH, AGUE, NIGHT SWEATS, MALARIA,

JAUNDICE, WIND ON STOMACH, HEARTBURN, FEMALE WEAKNESS,

NERVOUS WEAKNESS, DEBILITY, LIVER COMPLAINT, IMPOTENCE,

INDIGESTION, CONSTIPATION, WEIGHT in STOMACH, PILES,

RESTLESSNESS, SEXUAL DEBILITY, FORGETFULNESS, CHILLS,

WEAKNESS OF THE GENERATIVE FUNCTIONS.

A Leeds paper says that a young widow in that city, who writes well, is training herself for an editor. Who is the editor?

Did you ever know a country town that hadn't the best brass band in the State?

It is difficult to tell how much a fish will weigh by looking at the scales.

A statistician estimates that courtships average three tons of coal each.

The easiest way to pay a gas bill is to burn kerosene.

Lament of the sidewalk: "Everybody is down on me."

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