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Read Ebook: The Farmer's Own Book: A treatise on the numerous diseases of the horse with an explanation of their symptoms and the course of treatment to be pursued; also a treatise on the diseases of horned cattle by Koogle J D
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Ebook has 83 lines and 5398 words, and 2 pages
"Thtsnawflyfnnyunsnt?"
"I can't understand you when you talk with your mouth full," replied Tommy.
The Gopher made a great effort, and swallowed so hard that his eyes fairly bulged. Then he said,
"That's an awfully funny one, isn't it?"
"What one?"
"The one next to you."
"Him?" said Tommy, pointing at the ex-Pirate.
"Um," continued the Gopher, nodding his head, for his mouth was full again. "Ain't he?"
"He is a very nice gentleman," remarked Tommy, for lack of anything more definite to say.
"What kind is he?" asked the Gopher.
"He's an ex-Pirate."
"A Pie Rat? Goodness, how he has changed!"
"Oh yes, he has changed," continued Tommy. "He is very good now. He has entirely reformed."
"Oh yes he does!" exclaimed Tommy, eagerly, although he realized as soon as he had spoken that he had never seen any real active pirate. But he added, "He is all fixed up just like a real pirate."
"Well, he isn't," said the Gopher, dictatorially. "The Pie Rat I knew looked like any other rat, but he only ate pie. Does this one eat pie?"
"Did you say rat?" asked Tommy.
"I said Pie Rat," answered the Gopher.
"Well, you don't want to let him hear you say rat. You must say ex-Pirate; that means that he is not a pirate any more."
"That's just what I said," persisted the Gopher. "I said he did not look like a Pie Rat, and so he is not a Pie Rat, and that's all there is to it." Then he threw up his hands and shouted, "Oh my! look at that!"
Tommy glanced up toward the head of the table, and saw that the Lion was helping himself to fully half of what had been placed before him.
"What a lot he takes!" remarked the little boy, in surprise.
"Always," said the Gopher. "But it's the Lion's share, and I suppose he is entitled to it. I wish I was a Lion."
"I don't," said Tommy, hastily, for he felt that he much preferred a small animal like the Gopher for a neighbor to a possible Lion.
"Well, I don't really believe I would like to be a Lion, after all," the Gopher went on to say. "If I could make myself all over again, I should be part Elephant, part Camel, and part Giraffe."
"What a funny-looking creature you would be!"
"Oh, I would not mind that. I don't care much about appearances. Eating is what interests me."
"I should think so," commented Tommy.
"And then think of the advantages of such a combination," pursued the Gopher. "If I were part Elephant I should be as big as any animal; and if I were part Camel I should have four stomachs; and then I should want a Giraffe's neck. Just think of how long things taste good in a Giraffe's throat. Why, it's two yards long! And mine is only about half an inch. How many times better does a piece of pie taste to a Giraffe than it does to me?"
"I don't know," answered Tommy Toddles, very promptly.
"Well, I've figured it all out many a time," added the Gopher, "and I can tell you. A throat two yards long is twice thirty-six inches long, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"That's seventy-two inches. And if my throat is only half an inch long, the Giraffe's throat is one hundred and forty-four times as long as mine, and so the pie tastes one hundred and forty-four times as good."
Tommy marvelled at the Gopher's proficiency in arithmetic, but his mind soon reverted to the question at hand, and he began to wonder how much better pie would taste if his own neck was one hundred and forty-four inches
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