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Ebook has 28 lines and 5935 words, and 1 pages
Transcriber's note:
A LITTLE BOOK OF BORES
OLIVER HERFORD
London Gay and Hancock, Ltd.
All Rights Reserved
A is the Autograph Bore Whom Authors and Actors deplore, Tho' it's evident quite If the Dears ceased to write They'd deplore even more than before.
D is a Decadent Dreary Whose Works are depressing and eerie; If you ask his excuse For existence, or use, I'm afraid I can't answer your query.
F's a Frankly Familiar Friend Who loves free advice to extend; He declares, for his part, He knows nothing of Art, But he thinks that your time you misspend.
G is a Grumbler gruff Whom everything puts in a huff; If he chances to gain Heaven's gate, he'll complain Of his Halo or Harp, like enough.
H is a Humorist glum. Why sits he so silent and dumb? He's concocting some Gay Impromptu to say When the Opportune Moment shall come.
J is the "Johnnie"--a Thing Much affected by Fairies who sing. He is human in shape, With the brain of an ape, And generally tied to a string.
L's the Loquacious variety, That is found in all sorts of society. He will drink in the sound Of his own voice--till drowned In a species of self-inebriety.
M's a Methodical Man Who prates with precision and plan. Beware, how you balk The stream of his talk, Lest he go back to where he began.
N is a Newly-rich boor, Whom no one pretends to endure. Some cases with care And complete change of Heir Take three generations to cure.
O is an Optimist glad Who doesn't know how to be sad; If he wakes up some day In Hades, he'll say, "Well, really it isn't so bad."
P's a Poetical bore Who recites his own things by the score. The ladies, poor dears, Are all moved to tears, While strong men are moved--to the door.
Q is a Quoter who'll cite His favourite authors all night. Tho' teeming with Thought, Like the Moon he is naught But a second-hand dealer in Light.
S is a Satirist rude Who subsists on Leguminous Food, Which he shyly maintains So enforces his brains, Even Shakespeare beside him seems crude.
T is a Terrible Tot Who says things he'd much better not. A child of that age Should be kept in a cage, And fed--if at all--through a slot.
W's a Well-informed Wight Who aims to set every one right; If you chance to misspell Or misquote, he will swell With holy and chastened Delight.
X is Old Xmas, a dear Old Impostor who comes once a year, With wassail, and wishes, And death-dealing dishes, And chilblains, and chimes, and good cheer.
RICHARD CLAY & SONS, LIMITED, BREAD STREET HILL, E.C., AND BUNGAY, SUFFOLK.
ARTFUL ANTICKS
THE BOLD BAD BUTTERFLY
LONDON: GAY AND HANCOCK, LTD.
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