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Read Ebook: Telescopic Work for Starlight Evenings by Denning William F William Frederick
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Editor: F. C. Burnand
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
VOL. 98.
FEBRUARY 8, 1890.
UNTILED; OR, THE MODERN ASMODEUS.
"Tr?s volontiers," repartit le d?mon. "Vous aimez les tableaux changeans: je veux vous contenter."
"A Late Symposium! Yet they're not engaged In compotations. Argument hath raged Four hours by the dial; But zealotry of party, creed, or clique Marks not the clock, whilst of polemic pique There's one unvoided vial."
So smiled the Shade. Dusk coat and gleaming head, Viewed from above, before my gaze outspread Like a black sea bespotted With bare pink peaks of coral isles; all eyes Were fixed on one who reeled out rhapsodies In diction double-shotted.
A long and lofty room, with pillars cold, And spacious walls of chocolate and gold; The solid sombre glory Of tint oppressive and of tasteless shine, Dear to the modern British Philistine, Saint, sceptic, Whig, or Tory.
"No Samson-strength of intellect or taste Shall bow the pillars of this temple chaste Of ugliness and unction. What is't they argue lengthily and late? The flame of patriot passion for the State Fires this polemic function.
"A caitiff Government has done a thing To make its guardian-angel droop her wing In sickened indignation: That is, has striven to strengthen its redoubts, Perfidious 'Ins,' to foil the eager 'Outs.' Hence endless execration.
"Hence all Wire-pullerdom is up in arms; With clarion-toned excursions and alarms The rival camp is ringing. Hence perky commoners and pompous peers, 'Midst vehement applause and volleying cheers, Stale platitudes are stringing.
"The British Public--some five hundred strong-- Is here to 'strangle a Gigantic Wrong,'-- So MARABOUT is saying. Watch his wide waistcoat and his wandering eyes, His stamping boots of Brobdingnagian size, Clenched hands, and shoulders swaying.
"A great Machine-man, MARABOUT! He dotes On programmes hectographed and Party votes. For all his pasty pallor And shifty glance, he has the mob's regard, And he is deemed by council, club, and ward A mighty man of valour.
"'Hear! hear!' That shibboleth of shallow souls Around his ears in clamorous cadence rolls; He swells, he glows, he twinkles; The sapient Chairman wags his snowy pate, Whilst cynic triumph, cautious yet elate, Lurks laughing in his wrinkles.
"And there sits honest zeal, absorbed, intent, And cheerfully credulous. MARABOUT has bent To the Commercial Dagon He publicly derides; but many here Will toast 'his genuine grit, his manly cheer,' Over a friendly flagon.
"Look on him later! There he snugly sits With his rich patron. Were it war of wits That wakes their crackling chuckles, They scarce were heartier. It would strangely shock MARABOUT'S worshippers to hear him mock The 'mob' to which he truckles.
"Truckles in platform speech. In club-room chat With WAGSTAFF, shrewd wire-puller, flushed and fat, Or DODD, the rich dry-salter, You'd hear how supply he can shift and twist, How BRUTUS with 'the base Monopolist' Can calmly plot and palter,"
"Whilst MARABOUTS abound, O Shade," I cried, "What wonder men are 'Mugwumps?'" Then my guide Laughed low. "The aesthetic villa Finds Shopdom's zeal on its fine senses jar; Yet the Mugwumps Charybdis stands not far From the Machine-man's Scylla.
"Culture derides the Caucus for its heat, Its hate--its absence of the Light and Sweet, So jays might flout the vulture. Partisan bitterness and purblind haste? Come, view the haunts of dilettante Taste, The coteries of Culture!
"Why? Because RUDDIMAN, the rude, robust, Has pierced with logic's vigorous vulgar thrust The shield of icy polish. CHAMPER, in print, is hot on party-hate, Here his one aim is in the rough debate His rival to demolish.
"Sweet Reasonableness? Another host Of sages see! The habits of the Ghost, The Astral Body's action, Absorb them, eager. Does more furious fire The councils of the Caucusites inspire, Or light the feuds of faction?
"And there? They argue out with toil intense A 'cosmic' poet's esoteric sense, Of which a world, unwitting, Recks nothing. Yet how terribly they'd trounce Parliament's pettifogging, and denounce 'Political hair-splitting'!"
"O Shade, the difference is but small, one dreads. Betwixt logomachists at loggerheads, Whether their theme be bonnets Or British interests. Zealot ardour burns Scarce fiercer o'er Electoral Returns Than over SHAKSPEARE'S Sonnets.
"At MARABOUT the Mugwump sniffs and sneers; Gregarious 'votes of thanks' and sheepish 'cheers' Stir him to satire scornful. But when sleek Culture apes, irate and loud, The follies of the Caucus and the Crowd, The spectacle is mournful."
"True!" smiled the Shade. "Yon supercilious sage, With patent prejudice and petty rage, Penning a tart jobation On practised Statesmen, must as much amuse As Statesmen-sciolists venting vapid views On rocks and revelation."
THE SOUTH-EASTERN ALPHABET.
THE NEW TUNE.
THE CAPTAIN OF THE "PARIS."
ON BOARD THE CHANNEL STEAMER "PARIS" .--"SHARP'S the word!"
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
"Co." furnishes some other notes in a livelier strain:--
BARON DE BOOK-WORMS & CO.
EPIDEMIOLOGICAL.
DEAR MR. PUNCH,--The Camel is reported to be greatly instrumental in the spread of cholera. This is evidently the Bacterian Camel, whose humps--or is it hump?--have long been such a terror to those who really don't care a bit how many humps an animal has.
Yours faithfully, HUMPHRY CAMPBELL.
MR. PUNCH'S MORAL MUSIC-HALL DRAMAS.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE.
With a pairosol, We'll protect our doll, Make a mossy bed For her wooden head!
ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.
THE LUXURY OF PANTOMIME.
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