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Read Ebook: Titanicin perikato Romantillinen kuvaus Titanic-laivan haaksirikosta yöllä vasten 15 päivää huhtikuuta 1912 by Calamnius Edvin
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Ebook has 1526 lines and 46772 words, and 31 pages
Editor: Owen Seaman
VOLUME 147.
November 25, 1914.
CHARIVARIA.
ENVER PASHA, in a proclamation to the Turkish troops, says: "The army will destroy all our enemies with the aid of Allah and the assistance of the Prophet." It is rumoured that the KAISER is a little bit piqued about it.
We learn from a German paper that, since the brave Ottomans have discovered that their Culture and that of the Germans are one, many Englishmen who live in Crescents are crying out in fury for an alteration of their addresses.
According to a Berlin journal, about 2,000 players of orchestral instruments have been thrown out of employment by the war. It is suggested that, with a view to providing them with more employment, reverses as well as victories should be musically celebrated in the capital.
We are glad to see that the names of battles in Belgium show a tendency to become more cheery. The other day, for instance, we had the battle of the Yperlee--and we may yet have a battle of Yip-i-yaddy-i-yay.
It is rumoured that a compromise has been arrived at in regard to the proposal, emanating from America, that the war shall be stopped for twenty-four hours on Christmas Day. The combatants, it is said, have agreed to fire plum-puddings instead of cannon-balls.
Among the promotions which we do not remember seeing gazetted is that of KARL GUSTAV ERNST, a German barber-spy. At the Old Bailey, the other day, Mr. Justice COLERIDGE promoted him to be a Steinhauer or stone-hacker.
This is unfortunate for the Germans, for if ever they needed a miracle it is now.
A cynic sends us a tip for the recruiting department of our army. "Why go for the single man?" he asks. "We may expect just as much courage from the married man. He has already proved his pluck."
The Germans, who have already been calling the Allied forces "The Menagerie," should appreciate this item.
Angry newspaper men are now calling a certain institution the Suppress Bureau.
A solicitor having announced that he is prepared to make the wills of the men of a certain regiment free of charge, another enterprising legal gentleman, not to be outdone, would like it to be known that he is willing to act as residuary legatee without a fee.
It came as quite an unpleasant surprise to many persons to learn from Mr. ASQUITH that the War is costing us a million pounds a day, that being more than some of us spend in a year.
The End of the Press Bureau.
If this had got about, there would have been a bigger crowd at the ceremony. As it was, Fleet Street was taken by surprise, and only had time to prepare a few fireworks for the evening.
"Among other public buildings in a certain town which for many reasons it will be prudent to refrain from mentioning ... on a day and date which I need not trouble to repeat...."
Teuton Anatomy.
So that's where they wear them.
It's a very silly name anyway.
Not so premature as the WOLFF method.
More Information for the Enemy.
We insist on providing one of them.
A good song, but a clumsy title.
Extract from Army Routine Orders, Expeditionary Force, Nov. 9th:--
"It is notified for information that shooting in the Forest of Clairmarais and certain portions of the adjacent country is preserved."
Clever Germans are now disguising themselves as pheasants.
THE PRICE OF PATRIOTISM.
Helen and I are economising; so the other evening we dined at the Rococo.
"That's no economy," you cry; so let me explain.
In common with most other folk who are not engaged in the manufacture of khaki, or rifles, or Army woollens, or heavy siege-guns , we have found it necessary to adopt a policy of retrenchment and reform; and one of our first moves in this direction was to convert Evangeline from a daily into a half-daily. Evangeline is not a newspaper but a domestic servant, and before the new order was issued she had been in the habit of arriving at our miniature flat at 7.30 in the morning , and retiring at 9 in the evening.
Now, however, Evangeline goes after lunch, and Helen, who has bought a shilling cookery book, prepares the dinner herself.
On the day in question Helen suddenly decided to spend the afternoon repairing a week's omissions on the part of Evangeline. It proved a veritable labour of Hercules, the flat being, as Helen with near enough accuracy gave me to understand, an "Aegaean stable." Tea-time came, but brought no tea. Shortly before seven Helen struck, and declared that she wasn't going to cook any dinner that evening. Not to be outdone, I affirmed in reply that even if she did cook it I wasn't going to clear it away. So we cleaned and adorned ourselves and groped our way to the Rococo.
Weary and unappeased we crept home through the City of Dreadful Night. I found a remnant of cold beef and some pickles in the kitchen, and on this we went to bed. I slept but little, and on five occasions watched Helen, who has dreams, get out of bed and stand to attention.
Of course it might have been worse; for the musicians of the Rococo evidently had not learnt the national airs of Serbia and Montenegro; and Portugal had not then been drawn into the War. But until the trouble is over I shall avoid restaurants which harbour an orchestra. As you say, it is no economy.
TO MR. BERNARD JAW.
Thus, bent on getting back at any cost Into the limelight you have lately lost, And, high above war's trumpets loudly blown On land and sea, eager to sound your own, We find you faithful to your ancient plan Of disagreeing with the average man, And all because you think yourself undone Unless in a minority of one.
Vain to the core, thus in the nation's need You carp and cavil while your brothers bleed, And while on England vitriol you bestow You offer balsam to her deadliest foe.
Extract from a commercial traveller's letter to his chief:--
"DEAR SIR,--On Wednesday next I want you to allow me the day off. My wife having lost her mother is being buried on that date and I should like to attend the funeral."
Extract from a child's essay on CROMWELL:--
"In his last years, Cromwell grew very much afraid of plots, and it is said that he even wore underclothes to protect himself."
We wonder if the KAISER knows of this.
THE AWAKENING.
"Here no howitzers speak in stern styles, Light and gay is the leathern bomb, We pay our sixpences down at the turnstiles, And that is our centre, name of Tom; Wild thunder rolls When he scores his goals, And up in the air go Alf and Ern's tiles; But what is this rumour of war? Whence cometh it from?"
So said Bottlesham, best of cities Watching the ball from seats above. "Belgium ruined? A thousand pities! Bother the KAISER'S mail?d glove!" But it left no stings When they heard these things, Though they wept as the brown bird weeps for Itys On the day that the Wanderers whacked them two to love.
Suddenly then the news came flying, "English mariners meet the Dutch, Tars interned, with the neutrals vieing, Beaten at Gr?ningen." Wild hands clutch At the evening sheets And the swift pulse beats; Is the fame of HAWKE and FROBISHER dying? The heart of the town is stirred by the NELSON touch.
Six--five. It's true. And the tears bedizen The smoke-stained cheeks, and there comes a scream, "If our English lads in a far-off prison Are matched one day with a German team And the Germans win, They will say in Berlin That a brighter than all our stars has risen; Will even the Bottlesham Rovers stand supreme?
"Infantry, cavalry, guard and lancer-- Who on that day will bear the brunt, With twinkling feet like a tip-toe dancer Dribbling about while the half-backs grunt? There is only one Who can vanquish the Hun!" And Bottlesham town with a cry made answer, "There is only one; we must send our Tom to the front."
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