Read Ebook: The Briary Bush: A Novel by Dell Floyd

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Ebook has 3168 lines and 134347 words, and 64 pages

"I mean," Felix went on hastily, "I've got in a rut. I go through my work mechanically. I don't use my brains. I'm dull. And it's getting worse. I simply can't take any interest in my work."

"You mean you want to be fired?" Hastings asked severely.

It was absurd. In fact, it was preposterous. This was not the way to do it at all. But it was too late now.

"Yes, sir," he said.

"Well, then, you are." Hastings looked coldly at the ungrateful and rather sheepish-looking youth standing before him. "Have you got another job?" he asked suspiciously.

"No--I'm going to Chicago to look for one."

As soon as he said that, he wished he hadn't. It committed him to going. He couldn't back out now. He had to go.

"And I haven't any money except my pay-check for this week."

He hadn't thought of that before. How could he go without money?

"Will you lend me fifty dollars?"

It had slipped out without his intending it. Felix blushed. He was certainly behaving like a fool. After proving himself to Hastings an utter incompetent, to ask him for money.... He would go on a freight train....

"Fifty--what are you talking about? Chicago!" Hastings was embarrassed, too. "Why--why--yes, I can lend you some money, if you really want it.... Chicago--I don't know but what you're right, after all.... When are you going?"

Felix was trying to think now before he spoke. He just managed to check himself on the point of saying, "Tonight!"

All this was happening too swiftly. He needed time to consider everything, to make his plans. A month would be none too much.

"Next m--Monday," he said.

When Felix left the office he went home by a round-about way which took him up through one of the quiet residential streets of the town. He turned a corner, and walked slowly down past a row of cheerful little houses set back within well-kept lawns. There was nothing magnificent or showy about these houses--they did not betoken any vast prosperity or leisure, but only a moderate comfort and security. They might perhaps suggest a certain middle-class smugness; but even that was no reason why Felix should have looked at them from under his slouching hat-brim with such a grimace of hostility. As he neared a particular one of these houses, he walked faster and bent his head, casting a furtive glance at its windows. But there was no one to be seen at those windows, and so Felix looked again and slowed his step a little. In front of the house he paused momentarily and looked at it with an apparently casual glance.

He had gone past that house, in this manner, a dozen times in the past year, savoring painfully each time the hard, unmistakable, disciplinary fact that there, contentedly under that roof, the wife of its owner, lived Joyce--his Joyce of only a year ago. He had come, now, to read that lesson in realism for the last time.

He did not want to see the girl who had taught him that lesson. He only wanted to look at this house in which she lived as another man's wife.

But, as he walked on past, he did see her. She was standing on the little side verandah. And in the vivid picture of her which Felix's eyes caught before he looked hastily away, he saw that she had a baby in her arms.

She was looking down at the baby, shaking her head teasingly above it so that stray locks of her yellow hair touched its face. It uttered a faint cry, and she shook her curly head again, and looked up, smiling.

But she did not see Felix. She was looking down the street past him. She was waiting for someone--for the owner of this house, her husband; waiting for the man who was the father of her child.

This Felix saw and felt with a bewildered and hurt mind in the moment before he turned his eyes away to stare at the sidewalk in front of him. He walked on, and in another moment he must perforce enter the field of her vision as he passed along the street in which her eyes were searching for another man. He braced himself, threw his head back, and commenced to whistle a careless tune.

If she saw him, if she noted the familiar slouch of his hat as he passed out of her sight, she would never know that he had seen--or cared.

THE family were apparently not at all surprised when, at the supper-table, Felix announced his sudden decision.

"Well, I knew you'd be going one of these days," his brother Ed remarked.

That seemed strange to Felix, who had kept his Chicago intentions carefully to himself all that year....

And his brother Jim, who was working again in spite of his lameness, was quite converted from his supper-table querulousness by the announcement. "When I was in Chicago--" he said, and told stories of the Chicago of ten years ago, where he had tried briefly to gain a foothold. It remained in his mind, it seemed, not as a failure, but as a glorious excursion....

Alice, Ed's wife, was enchanted. Her cheeks glowed, and she asked endless questions. It appeared that none of them had the slightest doubt of Felix's ultimate, and splendid, success. It really seemed as if they envied him!

And all the while, Felix was thinking what an ironic spectacle he would present if he returned home in a month or two. He clenched his fists under the table-edge, and swore to himself that he would never--never--make that confession of failure....

"You must write to your mother and tell her all about it, Felix," said Alice.

His mother and father were down on the farm in Illinois where Mrs. Fay had lived as a little girl. She had never adjusted herself to town life; nor had her husband. They were best content in the country, where she could grow flowers in the front yard and he could fatten and butcher and salt down a couple of hogs for the winter.... Their only grievance was that their children found so little time to come and visit them. Ed usually came once a year, in the slack season, and Jim when he needed a rest; but Felix, it seemed, was always too busy....

"Why bother her about my going to Chicago?" Felix grumbled.

"Why, Felix!" Alice reproached him. She could never understand why it was so hard for him to write to his mother.

"I don't want her worrying about me," Felix explained uncomfortably.

"She won't worry about you," Alice insisted. "She'll be proud of you!"

Felix wondered if people always had to lie to themselves about their prospects before they could do anything.... Perhaps he ought to lie to himself; but he preferred to face the facts as they were. He would have to embellish them a little, however, in writing to his mother....

When supper was cleared away, and Jim had gone out to sit on the front steps, and Ed and Alice were in the front room playing one of the newest records on the phonograph, Felix wrote briefly and shyly to his mother--explaining that he was fairly certain to get something to do in Chicago very quickly.... And then, by way of savouring in advance the grim realities of his adventure, he wrote a long letter to Helen Raymond in New York--a letter in which he made clear the wild recklessness of his plans. He felt that the woman who had befriended him when she was the librarian at Port Royal and he a queer boy who worked in a factory and wrote poetry, would understand this newest folly of his.

But what a waste of time, writing letters, when he had only six days left in which to prepare for going to Chicago!... He determined to use those remaining days very carefully and sensibly.

He bought a street map the next morning, and went home to study it. But it was hard to give it due attention at home. His sister-in-law was mending and pressing his clothes, and collecting and inspecting his shirts, and talking excitedly about his trip. "If you run short of money, Felix, you just write to us for it. Ed and I will see that you get it somehow." Felix was fiercely resolved not to be a burden to them after he went to Chicago, and these offers made him uncomfortable. Why should Alice be so interested in this expedition of his anyway? She was as concerned about it as though it were she herself who was going. She wanted to know his plans; and when he did not seem to have any, she persisted in trying to make them for him.

He was not going to get any opportunity to study that street map at home. He decided that he would go and spend a few days at his friend Tom Alden's little place in the country, where he would find a more congenial atmosphere.

Too congenial! Tom was the same perfect companion of an idle hour--instinctively expert in gilding that idleness with delightful talk until it ceased to seem mere idleness--the same old Tom that Felix had loafed away long evenings with last summer, when they were supposed to be writing novels. Tom was still desultorily working upon his novel; but he put it aside to walk in the woods and talk with Felix about Chicago. It was not, however, of the grim Chicago which loomed in Felix's mind, that Tom talked.

Tom, as Felix now realized, was a romantic soul. Chicago had been to him a series of brilliant vacation-trips, a place of happy occasional sanctuary from the dull realities of middle-class life in Port Royal: an opportunity for brief, stimulating human contacts, not at all a place to earn a living in.

Lying in the cool grass beside the creek where he and Felix had spent so many illusioned hours a summer ago, he talked with dreamy enthusiasm of genial drunken poets and philosophers and friends met at the Pen Club--and of their girl companions, charming and sophisticated, whose loves were frank and light-hearted.

Felix walked up and down impatiently. A year ago he too had dreamed of Tom's Chicago--

But he knew better now. He could imagine the Pen Club, with its boon-companionship of whiskey and mutual praise. These, he told himself, were the consolations of failure. He might, he reflected grimly, have to fall back on these things at forty. But in the meantime he would try to learn to face reality.

And those light Chicago loves--he suspected that the romantic temperament had thrown a glamour over these also. He was not going to Chicago for Pen Club friendship nor the solace of complaisant femininity.... While Tom Alden reminisced of glorious nights of talk and drink and kisses, Felix was brooding over a scene inside his mind which he called Chicago--a scene in which the insane clamour of the wheat-pit was mingled with stockyards brutality and filth. This was what he must deal with....

"What's on your mind?" Tom asked.

"Nothing. Except--I came here to study my street map, and I haven't looked inside it."

"Never mind your street map just now," Tom said. "We're going to the station to meet Gloria and Madge."

Madge was a cousin of Tom's, and Gloria her especial--and beautiful--friend. They were just back from a trip abroad, and Tom had asked them out to dinner to hear what they had to tell.

"You mustn't be prejudiced against Gloria because of her eyelashes," Tom urged. "She has rather a mind, I think."

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