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Read Ebook: The Journal of Prison Discipline and Philanthropy (New Series No. 50) November 1911 by Pennsylvania Prison Society
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Ebook has 174 lines and 8154 words, and 4 pages
PUNCH,
VOL. 147.
OCTOBER 28, 1914.
CHARIVARIA.
Reports that Germany is not best pleased with Austria-Hungary are peculiarly persistent just now. There would indeed seem to be good grounds for Germany's displeasure, for a gentleman just returned from Budapest says that the Hungarian MINISTER OF THE INTERIOR has actually issued an official circular to the mayors and prefects throughout the land enjoining upon them the duty of treating citizens of hostile states sojourning in their midst with humanity and sympathy.
Inquisitive people are asking, "What is the KAISER'S quarrel with the Bavarians?" He is reported to have said, the other day, "My wish for the English is that one day they will have to fight the Bavarians."
The King of BAVARIA, by the way, has been operated upon for a swelling of the shoulder blade. We are glad to hear that he is progressing favourably, and it is hoped that the swelling will not, as in the case of another distinguished patient, spread to the head.
For the following little story we are indebted to the German army:--"Fears are now entertained of an epidemic breaking out among the German troops in Antwerp, as, the German artillery having destroyed the municipal waterworks, there is no drinkable water available."
Several striking suggestions have reached the authorities in connection with the danger from Zeppelins. One is that St. Paul's Cathedral and Westminster Abbey should be covered over with dark cloths every night, and that shoddy reproductions of these edifices should be run up in another part of London, and be brilliantly illuminated so as to attract the attention of the enemy.
Another method of confusing the airships, it is pointed out, would be to drain the Thames, and to flood a great thoroughfare, say that from the Bank to Shepherd's Bush, and to place barges on it so that it would be mistaken for the river and cause the airmen to lose their bearings.
Meanwhile the authorities who are responsible for the safety of London are said to be anxious to hear of an intrepid airman who will undertake to paint out the moon.
It has suddenly become more imperative than ever that the War should be finished quickly. A publishing firm has issued the first volume of a history of the war with an announcement that it will be completed in four volumes at a fixed price. If the war should last longer than a year the last volume threatens to achieve such a size that the publisher would either have to go back on his word or be ruined.
The L.C.C. has just produced a new, revised, up-to-date and fully detailed map of London, and the German War Office is furious to think that it has been put to the needless expense of compiling a similar document itself.
In spite of the War our Law Courts pursue the even tenour of their way, and the Divisional Court has just been asked to decide the important question, Is ice-cream meat? Personally we should say that, where it is made from unfiltered water, the answer is in the affirmative.
"DE WET OF THE SEA."
We should have thought this well-known characteristic was hardly worth mentioning.
"DISGUISED SPIES"
was the title of a paragraph in a contemporary last week. These cases must surely be exceptional. We always think of spies as wearing a recognised uniform, or at least a label to indicate their profession.
This war is shattering many of our illusions.
Mr. FRED EMNEY, who is now appearing at the Coliseum, would like it to be known that he is not an Alien Emney.
THE NEW CENSORSHIP.
No apparent harm, but you can't be too careful. If the news gets round to the Germans that they are not there, they might at once set about to correct this defect.
THE TANDEM.
"Mr. F. Marsham-Townshend's Polygamist, 3, 6-2, E. Crickmere 0
Mr. F. Marsham-Townshend's Polygamist, 3, 6-2, O. Grant 0"
CANUTE AND THE KAISER.
He knew it wasn't any good Talking like that; and when the foam Made for his feet He turned at once and made for home; And "I'm no god, but just a man," he cried, "And you, my sycophants, are sorry rotters, Who told your KNUT that he could dare the tide To damp his heavenly trotters."
The scene was changed. Another strand; Another god was there ;-- "O element designed for German ships, Whose future lies," said he, "upon the water, I strike at England! Ho!" and licked his lips For lust of loot and slaughter.
And just as old CANUTE Stopped not to parley when he found His line of exit nearly cut, But moved his feet to drier ground, So too that other Monarch, much concerned About his safety, looked no longer foam-ward, But said, "This sea's too much for me," and turned Strategically home-ward.
O. S.
WAR AND THE HIGH HAND.
"They do say as this old Keyser or Geyser or whatever 'e calls 'isself be goin' to 'op it."
"Afraid of 'is life, if t'other side should win--that it?"
"Likely 'e is--an' well may be. T'other side be our side in that case, bain't it?"
"That's it. An' it's 'im for 'isself an' the rest for theirselves, from what I can see."
"This old Keyser, 'e's to blame for most ev'rythin' happenin' nowadays. Reg'lar firebran' in our midst, 'e do seem."
"Daresay 'e was drove to it, if we could but see all."
"Some woman nagged 'im into it--if you ask me."
"They do say 'e craves for peace with 'is whole mind."
"Parson 'e says on Sunday as the hypocrit' cries for peace where there is no peace."
"This war seems to take people out of their true selves, makin' of 'em ravenin' beasts."
"Men, too, as otherwise acts quiet an' well-meanin' enough. You 'eard what Doctor done?"
"What 'e done?"
"Not to old Sally's son, Jim?"
"'Im as 'urted 'is 'and blackberry time--a year ago this very month?"
"'Im. Ill unto death, 'e were, with blood poisonin', and Doctor 'e says what a shockin' state 'is blood must 'ave been in for the poison to serve 'im so."
"An' old Sally been a-keepin' of 'im ever since. 'Er needle been at it reg'lar, but 'ardly earnin' a livin' wage owin' to the meanness of them who 'as it to pay."
"An' a poisoned and, when the worst be over, ain't no bar to the appetite."
"Glad she's been to do it sooner than lose 'im, as she lost 'is brother with 'oopin'-cough."
"That must be a matter of twenty-five year ago--before ever Jim was born."
"You ain't told us yet, dear, what Doctor done."
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