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Read Ebook: The Blind Musician by Korolenko Vladimir Galaktionovich Kennan George Author Of Introduction Etc Garrett Edmund H Edmund Henry Illustrator Delano Aline Translator
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Ebook has 2058 lines and 58254 words, and 42 pages
"I didn't decide. I took the matter under advisement."
"Which means that you did decide after all."
Armstrong grimaced in a mannerism all his own, an action that ended in an all-expressive shrug. "I suppose so," he admitted reluctantly.
"I hardly see where I can be of service then," commented the other. "If you were ten years younger and a minor and I your guardian--"
"You might point out with your yardstick how many kinds of an idiot I am and stir me up."
His companion smiled; as suddenly the look passed.
"I'd do so cheerfully if it would do any good. As it is--" The sentence ended in comprehensive silence. "What, by the way, did Graham offer?"
"Five thousand dollars a year, and if I made good an interest later in the business. He said four thousand dollars to begin with and gradually crawled up."
"You're getting now from the University--"
"Twelve hundred."
"With ultimate possibilities,--I emphasize possibilities--"
"I'll be dean of the department some day if I stick."
"With a salary of two thousand a year."
Armstrong nodded.
"And that's the end, the top round of the ladder if you were to remain until you were fifty and were displaced eventually without a pension."
"Yes; that's the biggest plum on the university tree. It can't grow anything larger."
In his place Darley Roberts dropped back as though he had nothing to say. Involuntarily, with a nervous impatience distinctive of him, his fingers tapped twice on the edge of the chair; then, aroused to attention, the hand lay still.
"Well?" commented Armstrong at length.
Roberts merely looked at him, not humorously nor with intent to tantalize, but with unconscious analysis written large upon his face.
"Well?" repeated Armstrong, "I'm waiting. The floor is yours."
"I was merely wondering," slowly, "how it would seem to be a person like you. I can't understand."
"No, you can't, Darley. As I said a moment ago, we're different as day is from night."
"I was wondering another thing, too, Armstrong. Do you want to know what it was?"
"Yes; I know in advance I'll not have to blush at a compliment."
"I don't know about that. I'm not the judge. I merely anticipated in fancy the time when you will wake up. You will some day. It's inevitable. To borrow your phrase, 'it's written.'"
"You think so?" The accompanying smile was appreciative.
"I know so. It's life we're living, not fiction."
"And when I do--pardon me--come out of it?" The questioner was still smiling.
"That's what I was speculating on." Again the impatient fingers tapped on the chair, and again halted at their own alarm. "You'll either be a genius and blossom in a day, or be a dead failure and go to the devil by the shortest route."
"You think there's no possible middle trail?"
"Not for you. You're not built that way."
The prediction was spoken with finality--too much finality to be taken humorously. Responsively, bit by bit, the smile left Armstrong's face.
"I won't attempt to answer that, Darley, or to defend myself. To come back to the point, you think I'm a fool not to accept Graham's offer?"
As before, his companion shrugged unconsciously. That was all.
"Does it occur to you that I might possibly have a reason--one that, while it wouldn't show up well under your tape line, to me seems adequate?"
"I'm not immune to reason."
"You'd like to have me put it in words?"
"Yes, if you wish."
"Well, then, first of all, I've spent ten years working up to where I am now. I've been through the mill from laboratory handy-man to assistant demonstrator, from that to demonstrator, up again to quiz-master, to substitute-lecturer, until now I'm at the head of my department. That looks small to you, I know; but to me it means a lot. Two hundred men, bright fellows too, fill up the amphitheatre every day and listen to me for an hour. They respect me, have confidence in my ability--and I try to merit it. That means I must study and keep up with the procession in my line. It's an incentive that a man can't have any other way, a practical necessity. That's the first reason. On the other hand, if I went to work for Graham I'd be dubbing around in a back room laboratory all by myself and doing what he wanted done whether it was interesting in the least or not."
"In other words," commented Roberts, "you'd be down to bed rock with the two hundred admirers removed from the bed."
"I suppose so--looking at it that way."
"All right. Go on."
"The second reason is that my employment as full professor gives me an established position--call it social position if you wish--here in the University that I couldn't possibly get in any other way. They realize what it means to hold the place, and give me credit for it. We're all human and it's pleasant to be appreciated. If I went to work in a factory I'd be an alien--outside the circle--and I'd stay there."
"I know it's limited; but there's an old saying that it's better to be a big toad in a small puddle than a small toad in a large pond."
"I recall there's an adage to that effect."
"Lastly, there's another reason, the biggest of all. As it is now the State employs me to deliver a certain number of lectures a semester. I do this; and the rest of the time is mine. In it I can do what I please. If I accepted a position in a private enterprise it would be different. I should sell my time outright--and be compelled to deliver it all. I shouldn't have an hour I could call my own except at night, and the chances are I shouldn't have enough energy left for anything else when night came. You know what I'm trying to do--that I'm trying to work up a name as a writer. I'd have to give up that ambition entirely. I simply can't or won't do that yet."
"You've been keeping up this--fight you mention for ten years now, you told me once. Is anything definite in sight?"
"No; not exactly definite; but Rome wasn't built in a day. I'm willing to wait."
"And meantime you're getting older steadily."
"I repeat I'm willing to wait--and trust a little."
Tap, tap went the impatient fingers again.
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