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Read Ebook: The Lay of the Sheriff by Lybbe Philip Lybbe Powys
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Ebook has 74 lines and 9011 words, and 2 pages
A somewhat abstruse and curious simile, at the first blush apparently paradoxical, somewhat akin to "Aut Caesar, aut nullus." The author can vouch for the truth of it, as he heard it delivered.
The break that occurs here in the MS. seems to prove that the Sheriff's promises were but partially fulfilled. There is ground for the hypothesis that a sort of mutual flooring took place between the sheriff and the bottle; in other words, that as the sheriff floored the bottle, so the bottle returned the compliment, and effectually floored the sheriff!
"Gentlemen from London; distinguished foreigners, anything."--PICKWICK.
'Twas noon, in fact old Tom had just rung out The mid-day hour. The crowd that hung about The doors of that once famous hostelrie, When 'neath the fostering sway of the Dupree, Had almost gaped and gazed their utmost fill, Yet linger'd there, and gaped and wonder'd still; As when in passing some secluded square, I've seen a crowd of ragged urchins stare With all attention and uplifted gaze At a small theatre, covered with green baize, Where Punch performs, with most discordant squeak, His merry antics; now on gibbet's peak Hanging the constable on high; Now whopping Judy, whose most piteous cry Rings through the square and stops the passers by-- So did the crowd expectingly surround, Jostling with push and thrust and oaths profound, Gathering from every part, both near and far, The gate of Oxford's fast declining "Star."
"Here are the cutlets and a pot of ale, And while you're eating, you shall hear the tale Of this High Sheriff!" "Who on earth is he? "Why, bless you, Sirs, 'tis Mr. Vanderstegen, But here we call him 'Van;' I just now seed him Dressing to go and bring the Judges in." "How does he look?" "Why, really, quite the thing-- Barring his flurry--which is not surprising; But bless my life! why here he's coming down Ready for starting! here! Jack, Dick, and Brown, Way for the Sheriff! Let the Sheriff pass!"
Old Tom, not the Old Tom of London Gin notoriety, but the veritable Tom of Christ Church, Oxford.
The famous landlady of the "Star" in the olden time. The Queen of landladies.
The then excellent head-waiter at the Star.
They are on foot now .
THE DINNER.
"Hold hard there, your eyes on me, gen'lemen."--MR. WELLER, SENIOR. Pickwick.
John Fane of Wormesly, late M.P. for Oxfordshire, father of the Colonel, now M.P. for Oxfordshire--known as honest John Fane, Master of Harriers, and "king of the most celebrated and successful Wormesly Tournament."
The author begs to say that this expression must be taken metaphorically. The worthy heads of the different Colleges would be doubtless unable, from the expanse of waistcoat, to "top a tree," nor would their sense of dignity allow it, if they could. He must except the most Rev. the Prases of St. John's College, both from the tree and dozing business; he is without dispute an honour to our College, our University, and our County,
His brother, late Fellow of All Souls, Oxford.
The Right Honourable J. W. Henley, M.P., &c. senior member for Oxfordshire; and long may he so continue.
The author not having been present at this dinner cannot be responsible for the concluding scene. He can only say that from his personal knowledge of the parties, he thinks it might most likely have occurred.
'Tis pass'd, and all is silence, o'er that scene, Which of forensic eloquence has been The fit arena; where with subtle brain, Counsel have plied in nicely fitting train Their logic's art, or press'd their rhetoric's aid This to convince, the other to persuade A doubting jury, where with anxious care, Lest they in vain Justitia's sword should bear, The upright guardians of our country's laws, With practised eye, in each successive cause, Watching the varying points, the tangled clue Of facts explaining to the jury's view, Have shown their power, unsullied to maintain The sway of Justice, in her peaceful reign. Can it be fitting, think ye, e'er to bend Justice to Pleasure's gay voluptuous end? Is such a time for mirth and revelry, Is't in a Christian country we should see The gay Assize Ball? Reader, pray reflect, can this be correct? I know the warmth and kindness of your nature, Mercy and pity gleam from every feature; Your sex's innate modesty will aid My words far more than countless offerings paid To Fashion's shrine! Oh, think me not too vile For your attention; stay the withering smile That seems to say, "This is some scribbler's cant; Some low born Reptile's Methodistic rant; Or else, some Fallen Star, condemn'd to dwell With swaggering ostlers, or to bear the bell In drunken riots; banish'd from the sphere Where one of us, he once had his career, Now dares, in hate, his slanderous venom raise, In envious longing for his bygone days." Pardon me if I break discretion's chain In daring thus your pretty selves t' arraign, To curb your pleasures, and to draw the rein Of better feelings, o'er your giddy race. Look on this picture first, then try to face The other! Here, with art's consummate care, Deck'd and adorn'd with gold, her jewell'd hair Glistening as sunbeams o'er the rippling tide Reflected from some towering mountain's side, Proud beauty seeks, with brightly flashing een, The miscall'd glories of that heartless scene; Where Weippert proudly wakes his dulcet strains, And pleasure's cold, unfeeling sceptre reigns. Turn to the other; mark that darkening gate, That fearful structure, brooding o'er the fate Of fellow creatures! There in loathsome cell A wretched felon counts each passing bell That marks the hours, as in their noiseless speed They near the fatal morn, and bid him heed His soul's salvation, ere that sun shall rise, Which last on earth shall meet his dying eyes. Say, can ye still unfeelingly forbear To shed for pity's sake one sorrowing tear. I know that youthful blood beats high to thread Those mystic mazes, fairies love to tread; This is but Nature's province, she bestows Your limbs and beauty, these she bids you use At proper seasons; will ye dare abuse Her precious favours? that can never be The time for dances and frivolity, When open-handed Justice wields the scale That rights the just, and bids offenders quail. But to our Sheriff; we have strangely bent A wandering course in search of sentiment. Back to the "Star;" we want no Advertiser, My lords being gone, he'll prove no early riser. Hah! here we have him, slumbering sweetly still, We must not wake him, lest he take it ill; And when his dander's up, let them stand by-- Who'd singe a lion! I've no wish to try. Steady a moment, just pull up the blind, The sun breaks out, right on him, very kind; May be 'twill wake him; ah, one other ray Will do the trick; but, I say, look this way, This jug, with water fill'd, so cold, so big, I wish we dared to give him a cold pig. But sheriffs stand not gammon, in a crack I'd have his rapier walking through my back; Good! he awakes, without our intervention, And having rubb'd his eyes, and clear'd his throat, Apostrophizes thus his Sheriff's coat:-- "O thou bless'd emblem of my shrievalty, Perpetual witness of my dignity; In which I've braved the concentrated gaze Of wondering myriads, for the last few days; How can I thanks sufficiently express For thy assistance, for I here confess How much I owe thee, when I lay thee by; Thou at Cane End in lavender shalt lie, Snug in a chest, secure from curious eye, Save mine; and I whene'er the lid I raise, Will laud thy virtues, and renew thy praise. Now, on my pony, straightway I'll depart, Lighter in pocket, lighter far in heart, Back to Cane End; I fear my anxious mother In rapturous joy her boy will almost smother; But this I'll risk, and should the Fates prove kind, Should they restore my long lost peace of mind, In slumbers light I'll close my wearied eyes, And doze in quiet till the next Assize."
The name of Weippert recalls the memory of many happy balls in Upper Harley Street, where Weippert always conducted in person. The memory of the host lives in the author's mind. The hostess still lives, and long may she live.
The author is happy to say that Assize Balls are now "gone out;" when he wrote this opusculum they did exist.
Should any fair reader be at a loss for the meaning of this expression, ask any school-boy brother, if you have one, for a practical illustration thereof, and mark the result.
The author remembers that "being pretty considerably walked into at Collections," was a favourite phrase with undergraduates. Hence he thus ventures to describe the undesirable transit of the sheriff's toasting fork through his body.
From this sentiment of the Sheriff he seems to differ from William of Wykeham, who, if the plates at New College high table are to be relied upon, held that "manners makyth man." The Sheriff, on the contrary, would seem to hold that "the coat makes the sheriff."
PRINTED BY WHITINGHAM AND WILKINS, TOOKS COURT, CHANCERY LANE.
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