Read Ebook: Jesse James' Desperate Game; Or The Robbery of the Ste. Genevieve Bank by Ward William Author At Arthur Westbrook Co Cleveland Ohio

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A true marriage implies love and confidence, and in the vast majority of marriages these qualities can be regarded as tangible, and may be used as any other business equity is used, for a certain time. The length of time depends upon the use to which this asset is put during the early months of marriage. It is the utilization of this time, how best to employ it, that concerns us here.

A word as to a wife's true position in the household may be opportune. There is no question but that her status has changed in the last generation. Whether this change is for the better is a matter of opinion. It is too large and too intricate a problem to be fully discussed in a book of this character. Any opinion on such a subject must of necessity, in our judgment, be a warped one. There are few, very few, absolutely happy and congenial homes. It has been estimated that only five per cent. of all marriages are successful. If five per cent. make a success of marriage why could not the other ninety-five? The reasons are not fundamental or serious--they are trivial as a rule. It is making the right beginning that counts. If this is the secret, and every married person of experience will testify to this truth, the young wife should give the matter her serious consideration. In the life history of every couple there is a period of adaptation, which is sooner or later passed through at the expense of one or the other, or both, resigning themselves to an acceptance of the stronger, or positive, elements in the other's disposition.

DIFFERENCES OF OPINION.--If a woman discovers, for example, that her husband has very decided views upon certain matters, and these views do not in any way conflict with the law, moral or otherwise, and the adoption of them does not necessitate the denial of a principle, it would be far better for her to acquiesce in these views, rather than to obstinately adhere to her opinions,--especially if she cannot, in a friendly way, offer an argument strong enough to convince him he is wrong. One or the other of every married pair will have to be willing to give in, in all trivial matters that come up from day to day, if a harmonious degree of existence is to be reached.

It is certainly natural to assume that ordinarily the wife will be the one to concede most. She is supposed to be endowed with all the gentler attributes. Therefore our advice,--irrespective of all the arguments which may be made, and which we need not even hint at, here, but which are at the tongue's end of every so-called advanced woman,--is for the young wife to gratefully concede a great deal to her husband.

If a man's daily life is clean, and if his ambition is to work in order to provide a comfortable home for his wife and children, he is deserving of the love and confidence of any true woman. And inasmuch as you have chosen this man for your husband, for your guide and for the father of your unborn children, it behooves you to find out how you may quickly accommodate yourself to be his helpmate, his friend, his confidant and companion, throughout all the years of your life. Let us assure you without fear of contradiction, that you will endear yourself to him by your willingness to be advised and guided by him. Such an attitude will engender a tangible confidence that may be drawn upon to weather temperamental contests that might otherwise prove to be serious obstacles in building up a mutual respect and trust and which is essential to peace and happiness. He will look for your word of cheer, and he will willingly tell you more and more of his inmost thoughts and ambitions, and unconsciously he will rely upon your judgment, your womanly intuition, your help, in every move he makes. The time when you will have to "give in" will have passed away. You will have made yourself part of his life, his mentality, you will have reached the goal of domestic happiness, and that is as near paradise as most of us reach in this world. It all depends upon "how you go about it" in the first few months of married life.

Consider the other picture. If a wife cultivates, or has the inherited inclination to argue trifles, to bicker over mere matters of opinion, even if she wins occasionally, what does she gain? Nothing! The husband resents the tendency to argument. His pride is wounded at the thought that his wife needs to be convinced of every opinion he advances. Such an attitude completely breaks down the tangible confidence that is essential to peace and happiness. Soon he begins to keep his opinion to himself; the serpent enters the home; the wife finds he is interested in things of which he does not inform her. Jealousy, lack of confidence, doubt,--the skeletons of all domestic peace and happiness soon accomplish their terrible and tragic work, and the end is not difficult to imagine.

Most of the things regarding which husbands and wives quarrel are of no special moment. They are not momentous subjects,--it is usually a trifle that mars the domestic peace. It takes but a few years for most women to appreciate that many of the things that cause heartaches are not of any consequence at all. They originate, as a rule, in one or the other failing to appreciate that the other has certain individual rights which demand some degree of respectful consideration. The ego element in human nature is responsible for a very considerable portion of the domestic infelicity that mars the home life of a large proportion of the people.

TRIVIAL DIFFERENCES.--Many homes have been broken or rendered permanently wretched by trivial differences. The husband may like to play games, the wife may want to read. One may like to go out to parties and theaters, the other may want to stay at home. Before marriage these differences appear to merest trifles and are the subjects of good-humored bantering; after marriage they cause constant dissension, constant friction. A trifle is the usual beginning, a divorce may be the end. A little lack of tact, an unwillingness to sacrifice self in a small measure "at the right moment" and friction would have ended.

It is a reflection upon our intelligence, and it is rather significant that it should be the little, trifling things that cause most of the troubles and heartaches in the world. We rarely quarrel over the important episodes Of life; the real things, the things that constitute the measure of our manhood and womanhood. Ask any of your friends, be they Jew or Gentile, Catholic or Protestant, Baptist or Episcopalian, Democrat or Republican, whether, in their best judgment, it is better to be honest or dishonest, clean or dirty, false or true, intelligent or ignorant, an idler or a worker; whether it is better to be gentle and kind or brutal and cruel, a gossip and scandal monger or to mind our own business and to speak kindly of our fellow-man, whether, in short, it is better to be good or bad? And yet these are the real, the fundamental qualities that brand a man, or a woman, or a race of people, as worthy and true and Christ-like.

To the eugenist, a thought obtrudes itself at this point. It is the logical, the link between the cause and the effect. Why do we waste so much time arguing and fighting over non-essentials? Why is the world such a big quarreling-pot over nothing? And the eugenist suggests, if it is not possible, that the explanation may be found, in the fact, that the human family, as a race, is below par; that so many of us are incomplete; that it is the product of the combined mental effort of the unworthy element that makes all the trouble? It is scarcely logical to assume, that an individual who has been brought into the world by healthy, worthy parents, and whose ancestry for generations have been clean, honest people; and whose upbringing and education has been adequate to fit him to become a respectable, decent citizen, could, or would be a trouble maker. On the other hand, can we expect, or are we justified in hoping that an individual whose ancestral record is bad, whose environmental conditions are faulty, whose education has been neglected, who is in all probability physically and mentally deficient, will be capable of conforming to the standards of the other individual? From an imperfect whole, may we not naturally expect bad parts? From a diseased body and mind, may we not look for a low standard of thought and action? And may not these conditions account for the greater part of the little, as as the big, troubles that mar the peace and progress of the race? Will not the elimination of the eugenically unworthy rid the world of its heartaches and sorrows? It is not only a suggestive thought, it is an inspiration for the exercise of the supreme intelligence of the statesman, the sociologist, the teacher and the preacher alike.

DIFFERENCES OF PRINCIPLE.--There are more serious differences than those of taste, however. There are differences of principle.

They do not reveal themselves before the promise "for better or for worse." The sentimental days of courtship did not bring them out. But now that they have settled down to the routine of ordinary living, nature brings them to the surface and the issue must be met. It is discovered that the wife is a devout Christian and a faithful church attendant while the husband insists on his wife spending Sunday in the country, or at the seashore. The woman tries to get her husband to go to church but she fails. He tried to get her to accompany him but he does not succeed. There is a rift in the lute, little sorrowful heart pangs on the part of the woman, and the man feels sore and grouchy and wanders away alone, then finally open quarrels and indifference. Two lives are pulling apart. Someone must give in; but which one? The observance of her religious duties to the wife is a matter of principle. The husband's method of spending Sunday is simply habit. He has no right to interfere with her liberty in this respect. The one to give in is the one whose conscience is not trampled upon. If the husband refuses to go to church with his wife, he can do so amicably, and in such a tactful way that his wife cannot reasonably feel permanently offended, but he must not object to his wife going to church, nor has he the right to insist on being accompanied in his outing by his wife. On the other hand, the wife must not nag or quarrel with him continuously on the subject of religion. Those little incidents will come up in the experience of every married couple. They are not serious or insurmountable in themselves, but they can be made serious by mismanagement.

The true wife is the home-maker, not simply the housekeeper. She is responsible for its attractiveness and its comfort, its morals and its existence. The marriage vow "does not make a wife, but comradeship in the bearing of the burdens of life, does." She must be Love and Justice and Truth to her children, and companion and friend and helpmeet to her husband.

We, therefore, advise the young wife to begin wedded life with definite plans and ideals.

THE ATTAINMENT OF SUCCESS.--In the first place, you do want your particular matrimonial venture to be a success. Success in one sense is getting what you want. You must, however, know exactly what you want. Very few people know what they want, but those few are the ones who manage to "get there." If you ask a dozen of your friends what their plan of life is, what they are working for, what they really want, not one of them probably could tell you with any degree of exactness. Most people go along in an indefinite way, working from day to day, more or less dissatisfied, and with absolutely no feeling of certainty as to what the future holds in store for them.

Human effort is an example of energy misdirected and it is the greatest potential energy in the universe. Really to want something means that we must be willing to sacrifice everything necessary to attain our wish, and to concentrate and direct all our efforts in its attainment. To do this, we must be efficient, we must be healthy, we must strive day and night, and we must want intensely to achieve success.

During the first few weeks of married life the young wife, if she is a wise little lady, will take stock. She will begin to think, and she will naturally speculate about the future. She will try to determine the facts in her particular life that are the important ones so far as the attainment of success is concerned. Her material success of course is dependent upon the efficiency of her husband. Now, a married man's efficiency depends almost entirely on his wife. If a man attains great material success, he will acknowledge, if he acknowledges the truth, that his wife is deserving of most of the credit. The husbands of most good, sensible wives are successful. If a man is, unfortunately, married to a woman who is not a helpmeet, who is not a well-balanced wife and mother, and achieves success, he does so by reason of his innate strength of character and in spite of the unjust drain on his efficiency. Most men under these circumstances however lose heart and interest and become failures.

The young wife, therefore, will definitely plan in just what way she can contribute to her husband's efficiency.

WHAT ARE THE REQUISITES OF EFFICIENCY? GOOD HEALTH.--He must have regular meals. The food must be carefully selected and suitable to his personal needs according to the character of the work in which he is engaged. The food must be properly and thoroughly cooked. If he does not understand the science of eating, the wife must educate him. Remember his success means your success, his failure, your failure. If you were in charge of a highly complicated machine, you would not allow it to be ruined by careless misuse. You may have married a healthy animal, but animals are tricky and uncertain. He is still your lover and he will do anything reasonable for you, if you "go about it in the right spirit and in the right way." Be sure you "go about it in the right way." Be tactful, be patient, don't nag. Don't tell him of his faults, simply note them then determine what you want to accomplish. In a little while, he will become enthusiastic and will be telling his friends how to eat, and what to eat, and, later, he may try to convince you that he thought of the idea first. This is the typical man. You will learn how to manage him, and your first success will encourage you--he will be a child in your hands--if you only "go about it right." And this applies to everything you do that has any relation to domestic peace and happiness and final success.

The woman who grasps the meaning of the following truism and determines to practice it, is well on her way to happiness and success. "It is the man that has a system in both life and business that wins the battles." The struggle of life has become so strenuous that most everyone's nerves are always near the explosive point,--the man who has a system in life has discovered that there is nothing to be gained by being disrespectful or discourteous, or by butting rough-shod into the affairs or interests of other people; tact, diplomacy, flattery, the temperamental capacity to wiggle around the explosive corners of other peoples' irascible nerves to gain your point, is "having a system," and it wins battles. The young wife who knows how to do this, is so far ahead of the army of ordinary young wives, that she need not take time to look around to see if the others are gaining ground. They will never overtake her.

REST AND SLEEP.--The husband must get enough rest each night, so don't drag him away to parties and balls and late suppers. Be a philanthropist--give him the care you would give a thoroughbred horse with which you hoped to win a big stake. Let him think, however, that you are doing it for his sake. To you the prize is a greater stake--it means life's failure or success. Remember you are in this fight to win. The gratification of whims and fancies during the first year of married life leads to the establishment of expensive habits, and may be the one factor that will mean failure in the future, when you will wish, with all your heart that you had begun differently. The time to sacrifice, to work hard, to plan ahead, is when one is young; when hope is strong and health is good--not when ambition falters, when age grows weary, when efficiency is impossible, and when regrets crowd in on us and failure crushes energy and hope and happiness. The struggle of life is a real one to every soul born, but it is worth the fight, and the glory of a fight won is the greatest human satisfaction this side of the grave. Try it, try to win.

ENOUGH EXERCISE.--Be sure your husband is getting enough exercise. If his work is desk work, think out some plan to compel him to take the exercise every healthy animal requires. Make up your mind definitely what is necessary and exactly what it is you want him to do, and then begin to work in your own successful way with that object in view. It may be systematized gymnastic work he needs. If so, suggest to him the advisability of becoming a member of a club or gymnasium, or get two sets of exercisers and begin work on them yourself if necessary. Devote ten minutes every morning and night to exercise. He will soon follow you, and many happy contests you will have and profitable ones too. Working together is the secret of domestic peace. Even if this reads like slavery or self-immolation, what do you care? You are happy, you are working for something, the time will come when you will have realized your ambition. Domestic happiness and material success are worth all we are asked to pay for them and they are never obtainable on the bargain counter.

It may be outdoor exercise he needs, try golf, swimming, baseball, tennis, anything to gain your point; and, all the time, remember you are leading him by your apron-string because you have discovered the secret of "how to go about it."

FREEDOM FROM WORRY.--A man cannot work efficiently and worry at the same time. Modern business methods are conducted on such a strenuous basis that, to keep "in the ring," a man needs every ounce of reserve he can command. Don't imagine your husband is totally free from cares and responsibilities just because he is not at business. He may have left his office a few minutes earlier than usual to get away from trouble. Encourage the system. When a man feels in his heart that there is one person in the world to whom he can always turn, and be sure of a loving, sympathetic greeting, one who understands and believes in him, one place he can always go and feel certain of enjoying peace, and comfort and contentment, there is little danger of any friend supplanting the wife, or any club or saloon taking the place of home.

DO YOUR PART.--The moment you know your husband is in the house, change the expression on your face, smile, even if it pains you, and go to him with a familiar word of greeting and give him a kiss. Do this every day of your life, unless when you are sick in bed, when he will go to you. Establish this habit, and if ever the day comes when he returns from work and there is no greeting, no kiss, stop the whole domestic ship, regard it as a tragedy. Don't let the first entering wedge of discord come into your life. If there is no first quarrel, there will never be a second. If you are at fault you had better right matters at once or take the consequences. Take our advice. Don't experiment with a man. Deep down, every man is a brute. There is a certain elemental devil in every male animal. Don't rouse it. You are only a woman. Don't invite a quarrel. You will get the worst of it. Keep on the peaceful side of the street. It is always a mistake to talk too much. Words are poison when silence is golden. You cannot make a mistake by leaving the husband alone if he is at fault. Time is a wonderful physician; she will heal almost any wound. Your tact, your silence, your seeming fear , and an opportunity to think it over, will make him ashamed of himself. He will want to crawl back into your good graces and the lesson will be a long remembered one to him,--if, and this is tremendously important--the wife does not glory in her triumph and nag him about it. The temptation to err is great and there are few young wives who can resist it. Keep silent, however. Don't refer to it and you will win more than you know. Blessed is she who can forget what is not worth remembering.

You will have averted the first quarrel and, inasmuch as the "first quarrel" is an historic event in every married woman's experience, it may be worthy of a little further consideration.

Having safely piloted your craft through the troubled waters, don't prove weak and silly when you reach a safe harbor. When the moment of passive reconciliation arrives, when it is necessary to resume the domestic routine, don't show the spirit of resentment. Be pleasant, don't cry, don't become hysterical. Be strong, ignore the whole affair, leave it in the hands of time and forget it. The victory is yours, don't lose it.

FAULT FINDING.--At a later date, when, in all probability, the wife will be the one whose conduct will incite trouble because of the worries incident to her more or less monotonous, domestic existence, much care will have to be exercised so that an unwitting fretfulness may not cause quarrels. When a man comes home at night tired and hungry, longing for peace, and comfort, and pleasant conversation, it is worse than anarchy to not only get no greeting, but to note the discontent on his wife's face, and to listen to a tirade of fault finding. Your husband has troubles of his own. The maid's impudence, the crossness of the baby, the noise of the neighbor's children, the toughness of the meat from the butcher, do not interest him. He is hungry, he wants to eat, and above all, he wants rest and peace. We are considering this subject from the economic standpoint. The young wife must recognize that if she is a fault finder, if she worries her husband, she interferes with his efficiency and jeopardizes the attainment of success,--her own success. From a purely selfish standpoint, it is a bad investment.

It may interest many young wives to know, that a number of large corporations have recently begun to systematically investigate the domestic environment of their employees. If it is found that they are not happy, or that they do not enjoy a restful and congenial home life, they discharge them. They claim that a man who is worried cannot be efficient, and if he is not efficient he is not a dependable individual to have in their employ. Some railroads will not allow an engineer to drive a passenger train after it is discovered that he is unhappily married. The young wife should, therefore, appreciate that she may be directly responsible for her husband's efficiency and success. If a woman is guilty of conduct that interferes with the earning capacity of her husband she is erecting an obstacle to happiness and success that is fundamental, permanent and insurmountable. In justice to herself and to her husband and to the future she should promptly decide if the conditions are such that a change is impossible, and if so she should, in order to avert a tragedy, seek a separation.

Even menial work is interesting if we regard it as a stepping-stone to something better. It must be done thoroughly, however, to justify this hope. Life is a struggle, a struggle in which many are vanquished and few survive. Only those few survive who fit most perfectly to their environment. If a man is getting proper nourishment and sufficient exercise, and is free from worry, if in other words he has vitality, he cannot possibly fail to give full value for what he receives. His work will at least be satisfactory. If his lack of interest in his work is because it does not fully satisfy his ambition, this is a splendid opportunity for the tactful and resourceful wife.

It was suggested to an enterprising little wife, whose husband was earning a small salary as a bookkeeper, to advise him to study stenography and correspondence at the Y. M. C. A. He did so, and is now the private secretary of the president of a large corporation, at a salary of six thousand dollars per year. His wife encouraged and cajoled him during the long winter nights when he studied late. She sacrificed herself by giving up all social entertainments and other pleasures. She catered to his tastes and comfort, and she talked so entertainingly during spare moments of what the future would be when he was a great success, that he was simply compelled to make good. She got her reward, and the very struggle and effort strengthened their characters, broadened their sympathies, and taught them the true meaning of love and affection.

Other young wives may achieve similar success if they "go about it right." That is the secret. That was the secret of this young wife's success. She first knew what she wanted, she then prepared the way by tactfully showing her husband how he could increase his efficiency. She kept the subject diplomatically before him by directly praising him, assuring him that he had the ability, that he would find it easy, that he was meant for "higher things." Then she drew word pictures of where they would live, the kind of house she would like and the new furniture she would buy, and where they would spend their vacations when he was earning the salary which she knew he was worth. They began to live in this future, it became part of their life, his pride was awakened, he would be ashamed to fail, he was whipped to the post and spurred to the finish and he won the race, because he had married the right kind of a woman. "The right kind of a woman,"--the woman who knows that "the marriage vow" does not make a wife, but that comradeship in the bearing of the burdens of life does.

THE WIFE'S PART.--Having read the preceding pages some young wives may ask if that is really what being married means? If it is all work and sacrifice and no pleasure? That is exactly what it means and if there is no pleasure in work and sacrifice, then there is no pleasure in married life. The young wife who fails to see the significance of this interpretation of what has been written has a fundamentally wrong idea of what married life means.

A woman who begins her wedded life with less loyal ideals than are depicted in the performance of the duties we have enumerated is imposing on her husband and is false to herself. She will not attain happiness and success. To marry in order to have a good time should be a state's prison offence.

Happiness and contentment and success are products of duty well done. They are the logical recompense for effort and sacrifice. Individual happiness is not the chief object of existence in this life. To work efficiently is the supreme obligation. It is naturally to desire happiness and to labor for it; but it is absurd to be annoyed and angry because we do not find it. Happiness through marriage is never attained except by never-ending self-abnegation and effort.

We must struggle or we will degenerate. A correct interpretation of racial progress proves this truth. Effort is the supreme law. All good things have been given to man at the price of labor.

ADVICE TO YOUNG WIVES

"Being forced to work, and forced to do your best, will breed in you temperance, self-control, diligence, strength of will, content, and a hundred virtues which the idle will never know."

CHARLES KINGSLEY.

HOW TO ACHIEVE

WHAT THE YOUNG WIFE OWES TO HERSELF.--If the young wife is making a conscientious effort to do her duty, there are certain things she owes to herself, to her husband, to her unborn children. She too must preserve her health, her efficiency. In guarding the health and contributing to the efficiency of her husband, she will have done much in this direction. She will, however, have many spare moments at her disposal. We have already remarked that these are the moments of destiny. In the coming years she will look back upon these moments with real pride, or regret, according to how she spent, or misspent them. Let us begin all over again, with renewed interest and enthusiasm, and try to understand just what is meant by this.

Every human being asks himself, or herself, at some time in life, the questions, "Why was I born? For what purpose was I created and put upon this earth? Is there any real object or purpose in living, except to pass the time from day to day, and year to year?" To most, the reply is perplexing,--and not at all satisfactory. All great minds who have deeply studied this problem, unanimously agree that there is a purpose in life. We are not a thing apart,--an isolated entity. We are part of the living whole; every thought, every deed, every spoken word, every sentiment, every passion, every prayer, is inter-related with every other thought, deed, word, sentiment, passion and prayer of every other living thing in all eternity. We have an ideal to maintain, and if we are untrue or fail, we interrupt, we desecrate the everlasting scheme of the universe. We will therefore be held responsible for our manner of living,--for the sum total of our existence. We have a purpose to fulfill, a responsibility to sustain. If we are false to that purpose, and fail in our responsibilities, we rob the world of the help we should bestow, and, in a far larger measure, we deprive ourselves of benefits and pleasures, every moment of our lives, greater than we can conceive.

The world is many centuries old, and many millions of human beings have lived and died during that time. A certain percentage of these men and women lived lives which bettered the world. They left a thought which will live through all the ages. They proved the truth of some basic unchanging principle. They drew the attention of mankind to the reality of a certain immutable fact. These truths, these principles, these facts, have all been tested, and they have been found to be everlasting. In other words, we find there are certain truths, certain principles, certain facts, that every living thing must obey, must subscribe to, must live up to or perish. Every thought, every deed, every movement, of every living thing, is regulated by unalterable laws which govern our lives and to which we must conform or pay the penalty in failure. Human nature is God's riddle!

WHAT ARE THE PERSONAL QUALITIES THAT EXPERIENCE HAS SHOWN TO BE NECESSARY IN THE ATTAINMENT OF HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS?--Experience has taught us that certain personal qualifications are essential to the attainment of success and happiness. We must, for example, be master of ourselves. We must have acquired the art of self-control. Self-control is an evidence of a high intelligence. There are many gradations of mental progress before complete self-control is reached. Complete self-mastery in matrimonial conflicts is a long and difficult acquisition. Probably it is fully acquired in the fewest possible cases. The one who acquires self-control, who gives in during the adaptative period of which we have written, is not the weaker. The young wife should always keep in mind that the underlying principle to be vigorously adhered to in the home, is justice. There will arise many occasions that will severely test your disposition and your patience, but, if you have yourself well in hand, if you understand yourself, you will emerge from the conflict successfully and as a consequence a little stronger. When we acquire the determination to efface self in these domestic squabbles we begin the building of a character.

WHAT IS A THOUGHT?--The greatest product of creative inspiration is the human brain. The very fact that each human being possesses one of these marvelous products implies responsibility, the responsibility of what we will do with it. A thought is a creation of brain or mind activity. It may be a bad or evil thought or it may be a good thought. Let us now go back to the young wife just as she is about to begin the hour or so of recreation in the afternoon. Her work being done for the time, let us suppose she elects to do a little fancy needle work. She finds a comfortable seat and is soon apparently engrossed in her work. Is she? Doubtless she is, and a very commendable, harmless, inviting picture she presents, but a thousand thoughts are passing through her mind. It is not the sewing that she does, that will be weighed in the balance, it is not the patient stitch, stitch, stitch, that she takes, that will mark the hour well spent. It is the one thought that will predominate over all the others, that will tell the ultimate tale, because of its effect on her own mind. A thought once created, even if it is never expressed, is as much a created entity as a deed executed.

Suppose this young wife attended a social gathering in some friend's house the evening before, and for some trifling reason she formed an unfavorable impression of another lady guest; during the hour of her sewing, which we are discussing, she goes over in her mind all the incidents of the gathering, and because of the previous impression, she still thinks unkindly of the lady in question. She passes judgment upon her in her own mind. What has she really done? She has created a thought an opinion, which now becomes a part of her mind, because it is recorded in her brain cells forever, and, inasmuch as she was not justified in passing judgment upon a person's character in this hasty way, she harmed herself by establishing a bad habit,--a habit of hasty judgment,--which will have an effect on her method of judgment as long as she lives. The evil effect may not end here,--it seldom does. A chance remark,--still the product of the hasty opinion,--made to some other woman regarding this lady, will give this other woman an unfavorable impression of the person, and if you could trace all the little gradations of the first unjust opinion, through all the stages of a gossiping community, you would be astonished at the growth, and the evil accomplished by the thought, born amidst the apparently innocent and commendable surroundings of an hour's sewing. If you educate your mind to create bad thoughts you will become a victim of the habit. Each bad thought makes the creation of another bad thought more easy, because a bad habit is, as we all know, a difficult thing to live down. Therefore a bad thought unexpressed does harm only to the individual who creates the thought. If the bad thought is expressed to another party, it is impossible to tell or estimate the harm it may do. Life is what we make it. If we get into the habit of thinking unjust, unkind, selfish, bad thoughts, we live in that atmosphere. Your whole life will be a reflection of your mental attitude. If you feed your mind on such food how can you hope to grow into a contented, happy woman? Let us not dwell upon the dark side. There is another picture, one more inviting, more difficult to realize, it is true, but more perfect as a consequence.

TRAINING THE MIND.--There never was a time in the history of the world when so many people were striving after definite knowledge,--some scheme of mentality, some mental atmosphere,--some spiritual or idealistic phenomena,--which would satisfy the craving, the hunger of the restless and dissatisfied human mind for absolute enlightenment regarding the mysteries of life. It is a curious fact that to attain such knowledge, all these various bodies, no matter how they may differ as to the method of procedure, concede that the education of the human mind and the recognition of its exact capabilities is the ultimate province through which final enlightenment must come.

We must, therefore, recognize that on whatever we do with our mind, in our own little way, will depend the measure of success and happiness to which we may aspire. Success is not attained without effort, but every little effort we expend will help wonderfully in the task. Train your mind to think just, kind, good thoughts. Do not dwell upon the bad side of any problem, search for the good side, because every problem has a good side. So also has every human soul. When the unkind, the unjust, the bad thought is conveyed to you by another, do not admit it, do not dwell upon it, render it negative at once by assuring yourself that there is another side to the question. We all know how easy it is to kick the under dog. We all have in mind some friend, some acquaintance, some old lady, perhaps, who is famous in her community for her kindly ways, and for her kindly thoughts. The two go together. It is well known among her friends that she will not tolerate any unkind, unjust, evil report, of even the humblest or lowest member of society to be expressed in her presence, without instantly defending the maligned victim, by picturing the possible other side. Her life has been an example, an inspiration in the community, because she has always exerted a kindly, sympathetic, helpful influence. It is this atmosphere, this environment, that checks gossip, stifles scandal, saves heartaches, and prevents domestic tragedies.

The most interesting study you will ever engage in, if you are true to yourself, will be the working of your own mind.

The resourcefulness of your brain will be a constant pleasure to you. You will be aided by books and you will find a lesson in every thing you see and hear. Life will appear different, and you will rise above the plane in which the little routine annoyances of daily life seem burdens and sorrows. A woman, if she goes about it "in the right way," can do with her lover-husband what she pleases. If she uses that power for selfish motives, or for a wrong purpose, in the end she will be the loser. If she is far seeing, and uses her power to build up a home, and is just, and respects her husband, and honestly gives him his true place in her scheme, and loves and honors him, and is tactful, there is no limit to what she may accomplish, so far as the personal happiness of herself and husband and children are concerned. We all know that law is not always justice. We likewise know that there is no such anomaly as a perfect human being. The ability to gain a point, without apparent coercion, or a sacrifice of truth or honor, depends upon the successful qualities that go toward the building up of a complete and harmonious personality. It is an axiom in psychology that to attain the highest success, one must first understand, and, understanding, conquer the bad, and develop the good features in one's own temperament, before attempting to rule the conduct of any other person. You must understand yourself before you attempt to understand your husband. Many of his best qualities,--qualities that if rightly understood, will go a long way toward making your life a happy one,--can be misunderstood, misinterpreted, and become incessant factors for doubt, jealousy and quarreling.

Because your husband prefers to do a thing in a way that does not quite satisfy your taste, does not necessarily mean that he is wrong, and such a condition does not justify an argument. Consider the matter seriously, in silence argue it out with yourself and give his side the same justice you hope to get. If you can develop convincing proofs, that his way is not the best way, even though it isn't really wrong ethically, he will probably concede the point, provided,--and don't overlook this,--you "go about it in the right way, and in the right spirit." It isn't likely you will be given a patient hearing, if in the past you have been in the habit of nagging and browbeating him. Don't look upon tactful ways of gaining your point as evidence of weakness. It is distinctly an evidence of strength of character, and, each time you win a point in a friendly debate with your husband, you will have gained much. He will respect you all the more because of your justice; and will secretly admire you because of your ability to protect yourself. You will gain confidence in your judgment, and you will see things in a broader, and from a less selfish standpoint.

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