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A BILL OF DIVORCEMENT

A BILL OF DIVORCEMENT

A PLAY IN THREE ACTS

BY CLEMENCE DANE

LONDON: WILLIAM HEINEMANN

This play was produced on Monday, March 14th, 1921, at the St. Martin's Theatre, with the following cast:

THE PEOPLE OF THE PLAY

MARGARET FAIRFIELD. MISS HESTER FAIRFIELD. SYDNEY FAIRFIELD. BASSETT. GRAY MEREDITH. KIT PUMPHREY. HILARY FAIRFIELD. DR. ALLIOT. THE CHRISTOPHER.

MARGARET. Yes, she is late.

MISS FAIRFIELD. As usual!

MARGARET. Oh, well, she was dancing till three. I hadn't the heart to wake her.

MISS FAIRFIELD. Till three, was she? Who brought her home?

MARGARET. Kit, of course.

MISS FAIRFIELD. Three o'clock on Christmas morning! I wonder what the Rector said to that.

MARGARET. Oh, Kit's on holiday.

MISS FAIRFIELD. I heard you tell her myself to be in by twelve. If anything could make me approve of this marriage of yours--

MARGARET. Oh, don't begin it again, Auntie!

MISS FAIRFIELD.--it's that the child will have a strong hand over her at last. A step-father's better than nothing--if you can call him a step-father when her father's still alive.

MARGARET. Oh, don't!

MISS FAIRFIELD. Well, I'm only telling you--if it's got to be, I'm not sorry it's Gray Meredith.

MARGARET. Yes, Sydney knows just how far she may go with Gray.

MISS FAIRFIELD. I see nothing to laugh at in that.

MARGARET. It's so funny to think how circumspect you all are with him. He's the one person I've always felt perfectly safe with. I'd ask anything of Gray.

MISS FAIRFIELD. You always have, my dear!

MARGARET. I don't know why you should be unkind to me on Christmas morning.

MISS FAIRFIELD. I suppose it's because I've only got another week to be unkind to you in.

MARGARET. Oh, I wish you didn't hate it so.

MISS FAIRFIELD. My dear, when you see a person you care for, and she your own nephew's wife, on the brink of deadly sin--

MARGARET. Must we begin it again?

MISS FAIRFIELD. I do my duty. If you'd done yours your daughter wouldn't be late for breakfast, and I shouldn't be given the opportunity.

MISS FAIRFIELD. Everything getting cold--and so disrespectful! She ought to be taught.

MARGARET. You're quite right. Sydney, darling, shall I bring you up your coffee?

SYDNEY'S VOICE. It's all right, Mother! I'm coming.

MISS FAIRFIELD. And I suppose that's all you'll say.

SYDNEY. Merry Christmas, everyone! I'm not late, am I? Morning, Auntie! What, no post?

MARGARET. It gets later every year.

MISS FAIRFIELD. I'm very much obliged to you, Sydney, for the--card-case.

SYDNEY. It's a cigarette case, Auntie dear. You see, I thought if you gave me a prayer-book again we might do a deal. Ah, I thought so! Thanks most awfully. It's sweet of you. Shall we?

MISS FAIRFIELD. What?

SYDNEY. Swop.

MARGARET. Sydney, dear, that's rather rude.

SYDNEY. Well, Mother, I hate being hinted at.

MARGARET. Hint? What hint?

SYDNEY. Oh, Mother, you're such a lamb. You never see anything. I'm sorry, Auntie, but I'm seventeen, and I've left school, and I am not going to church to-day, or any day any more ever, except to chaperon Mother and Gray next week, bless 'em!

MISS FAIRFIELD. I do think, Margaret, she ought at least to call him Uncle.

MARGARET. Aren't you coming with us to-day, darling? Christmas Day?

SYDNEY. Sorry, Mother. It's against my principles. I refuse to kneel down and say I'm a miserable sinner. I'm not miserable and I'm not a sinner, and I cannot tell a lie to please any old--prayer-book. Besides, I'm expecting Kit.

SYDNEY. She'll be finding herself up against me soon.

MARGARET. Oh, Sydney, has he--?

MARGARET. Then--then--?

SYDNEY. I'm not actually engaged, if you mean that-- but I'm going to be.

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