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Voyages and Travels of Count Funnibos and Baron Stilkin, by William H G Kingston.
This book is definitely intended for the younger ones. Kingston does not really show how humorous he can be in most of his books, but this book is definitely meant to be funny and succeeds.
Two elderly minor nobles agree that they will set out on a voyage to see the world. They set out on it, but their adventures take them no farther than Holland, which is where they already are. They have various mishaps, and even at one point get separated, only coming together again by chance. The whole thing is so absurd that we can relax and laugh at the adventures of the two noblemen. It is curious, the different mindset one has to have when reading the exploits of a couple of plainly idiotic buffoons, compared with that taken on when reading practically any other book.
The book is illustrated profusely, and we feel you will enjoy reading or listening to it.
VOYAGES AND TRAVELS OF COUNT FUNNIBOS AND BARON STILKIN, BY WILLIAM H G KINGSTON.
"What shall we do with ourselves, my dear Stilkin?" exclaimed Count Funnibos, yawning and stretching out his legs and arms, which were of the longest.
"Do! why, travel," answered Baron Stilkin, with a smile on his genial countenance.
"Travel! what for?" asked the Count, yawning again.
"To see the world, to be sure," answered the Baron.
"The world! why, don't we see it by looking out of the window?" asked the Count.
"That's what many people say, and fancy they know the world when they have looked out of their own windows," observed the Baron.
"Ah, yes, perhaps you are right: you always are when I happen to be wrong, and you differ from me--unless you are wrong also," replied the Count. "But where shall we go?"
"Why, round the world if we want to see it;--or as far round as we can get," said the Baron, correcting himself; "and then we shall not have seen it all."
"When shall we start?" asked the Count, brightening up; "next year?"
"Next fiddlesticks! this afternoon, to be sure. Don't put off till to-morrow what can be done to-day, still less till next year. What's to hinder us? We have no ties."
"Yes, there are my neck-ties to come from the laundress," said the Count, who was addicted to taking things literally; "and I must procure some new shoe-ties."
"Never mind, I'll get them for you in good time," said the Baron. "You have plenty of money, so you can pay for both of us, which will simplify accounts."
"Yes, to be sure, I hate complicated accounts," remarked the Count, who thought the Baron the essence of wisdom, and that this was an especially bright idea. "And what luggage shall we require?"
"Let me see: you have two valises--one will do for you and the other for me," said the Baron, putting his fore-finger on his brow in a thoughtful manner. "All, yes; besides the ties you will require a shirt-collar or two, a comb to unravel those hyacinthine locks of yours, a pair of spectacles, and a toothpick. It might be as well also to take an umbrella, in case we should be caught out in the rainy season."
"But shouldn't I take my slippers?" asked the Count.
"What a brilliant idea!" exclaimed the Baron. "And that reminds me that you must of course take your seven-league boots."
"But I have only one pair, and if I put them on I shall be unable to help running away from you, and we could no longer be called travelling companions."
"Ah, yes, I foresaw that difficulty from the first," observed the Baron. "But, my dear Funnibos, I never allow difficulties to stand in my way. I've thought of a plan to overcome that one. You shall wear one boot and I'll wear the other, then hand in hand we'll go along across the country almost as fast as you would alone."
"Much faster--for I should to a certainty lose my way, or stick in a quagmire," observed the Count.
"Then all our arrangements are made," said the Baron. "I'll see about any other trifles we may require. Now let us pack up."
"You have forgotten my ties," observed the Count.
"Ah, yes, so I had," observed the Baron, and he hurried off to the laundress for them. He soon returned, and the valises being filled and strapped up, the Baron tucked one under each arm.
"Stop," said the Count, "I must give directions to my housekeeper about the management of my castle and estates during my absence."
"Tell her to bolt the windows and lock all the doors of the castle, so that no one can get in; and as for the estates, they won't run away," said the Baron.
"Thank you for the bright idea; I'll act upon it," answered the Count. "Still, people do lose their estates in some way or other. How is that?"
"Because they do not look properly after them," answered the Baron.
"But mine are secured to my heirs," said the Count.
"Then they cannot run away unless your heirs run also, therefore pray set your mind at rest on that score; and now come along." The Baron as he spoke took up the two portmanteaus, which were patent Lilliputians, warranted to carry any amount of clothing their owners could put into them, and they set off on their travels.
"In what direction shall we go?" asked the Count.
"That must depend upon circumstances," answered the Baron. "Wherever the wind blows us."
"But suppose it should blow one day in one direction and another in the opposite, how shall we ever get to the end of our voyage?" inquired the Count, stopping, and looking his companion in the face.
"That puzzles me, but let us get on board first, and see how things turn out," observed the Baron. "Ships do go round the world somehow or other, and I suppose if they do not find a fair wind in one place they find it another."
"But how are they to get to that other place?" asked the Count, who was in an inquisitive mood.
"That's what we are going to find out," observed the Baron.
"But must we go by sea?" asked the Count. "Could not we keep on the land, and then we shall be independent of the wind?"
"My dear Count, don't you know that we cannot possibly get round the world unless we go by sea?" exclaimed the Baron. "I thought that you had received a better education than to be ignorant of that fact."
"Ah, yes, to be sure, when I have condescended to look at a map, I have observed that there are two great oceans, dividing the continent of America from Europe on one side, and Asia on the other, but I had forgotten it at the moment. However, is it absolutely necessary to go all the way round the world? Could we not on this excursion just see a part of it, and then, if we like our expedition, we can conclude it on another occasion."
"But how are we to see the world unless we go round it?" exclaimed the Baron, with some asperity in his tone. "That is what I thought we set out to do."
"Ah, yes, my dear Baron, but, to tell you the truth, I do not feel quite comfortable at the thoughts of going so far," said the Count, in a hesitating tone. "Could not we just see one country first, then another, and another, and so on? We shall know far more about them than if we ran round the globe as fast as the lightning flashes, or bullet or arrow flies, or a fish swims; or you may choose any other simile you like to denote speed," observed the Count. "In that case we should only see things on our right hand, and on our left, and I do not think we should know much about the countries towards either of the Poles."
"Your remark exhibits a sagacity for which I always gave you credit," observed the Baron, making a bow to his friend. "But I tell you what, if we stop talking here we shall never make any progress on our journey. Let us go down to the quay and ascertain what vessels are about to sail, and we can accordingly take a passage on board one of them."
"We could not well take a passage on board two," observed the Count.
"Friend," said the Baron, making a bow to the latter individual, "can you inform me where we shall find a vessel about to sail round the world, and when she is likely to proceed on her voyage?"
The latter individual took a sidelong glance at the Baron, and then at the Count, and blew a puff of smoke, but made no answer.
"The poor man is perhaps deaf," suggested the Count. Whereon the Baron in louder tones exclaimed, "Can you tell me, friend,"--the burly individual blew another cloud of smoke--"where shall we find a vessel about to sail round the world, and when she commences her voyage?" continued the Baron.
The burly individual opened his eyes as wide as his fat cheeks would allow him, then blew a fresh cloud of smoke, and with the end of his pipe, evidently not wishing to fatigue himself by speaking, pointed along the quay, where the masts of numerous vessels could be seen crowded together.
"Thank you, friend," said the Count, making a bow, for he always piqued himself on his politeness. The Baron felt angry at not having his question answered more promptly, and only gave a formal nod, of which the burly individual took not the slightest notice.
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