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: Punch or the London Charivari Vol. 150 March 8 1916 by Various Seaman Owen Editor - English wit and humor Periodicals Punch
I inquired as to the possibilities of recovery.
"There is hope," said the large man, "that the trouble may not last beyond the duration of the War. But we shan't feel that we've made a fair start until we've cured him of getting up in the night and tapping his artificial teeth with a button-hook. He fancies he's dictating 'Answers to Correspondents.'"
Clerical Candour.
"In order to satisfy my mind I spent over two hours in a certain cinema ... Frankly I was disappointed. I saw nothing which could in any way be called indecent."
THE WORLD SET FREE.
Long, long ago, when I had not attested, I prized the liberties of this proud race, The right of speech, from haughty rulers wrested, The right to put one's neighbours in their place; I liked to argue and I loved to pass Slighting remarks on Robert, who's an ass, To hint that Henry's manners were no class, Or simply say I did not like his face.
But things are changed. To-day I had a tussle With some low scion of an upstart line; Meagre his intellect, absurd his muscle, I should have strafed him in the days long syne; I took a First, and he could hardly parse; I have more eloquence but he more stars; Yet I must say "Yessir," and salute the swine.
And it was hard when that abrupt Staff-Major Up to the firing-line one evening came , And said quite rudely, "You are much to blame; Those beggars yonder you should enfilade." I fingered longingly a nice grenade; I said those beggars were our First Brigade, But might not call him any kind of name.
That will be great; but what if such intentions Are likewise present in the Tenth Platoon? What if some labourer of huge dimensions Meet me defenceless in a Tube saloon, And hiss his catalogue of unpaid scores, How oft I criticised his forming fours, Or prisoned him behind the Dep?t doors, Or kept him digging on the Fourth of June?
Painful. And then, when all these arm?d millions Unknot with zest the military noose, Will the whole world be full of wroth civilians, Each one exulting in a tongue let loose? And who shall picture or what bard shall pen The crowning horror which awaits us then-- That civil warfare of uncivil men In one great Armageddon of abuse?
A Pluralist.
FRANK.
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