Homepage
Login
Profile
BookClubs
dmBox
Read Ebook: Punch or the London Charivari Vol. 150 March 8 1916 by Various Seaman Owen Editor
Font size:
Background color:
Text color:
Add to tbrJar First Page Next Page Prev Page
Ebook has 88 lines and 11332 words, and 2 pages
And yet I think his pupils may In after years, at camp or college, Admit that in his rambling way He added to their stock of knowledge; And, as they ruefully recall His "jaws" on CLAUSEWITZ and JOMINI, On BALZAC, HEINE and JEAN PAUL, Think kindly of their dug-out dominie.
It is much more effective than ordinary unreinforced variety.
A Happy Family.
But a merciful tribunal, thinking that he was more likely to find it in the trenches, only exempted him for a month.
THE NATIONAL SCAPE-GOAT ASSOCIATION.
My companion had come into the compartment hurriedly just as the train started. He was a small, middle-aged, sandy-haired man with a straggling tufted beard, the sort of beard that looks as if it owed its origin rather to forgetfulness than to any settled design. The expression on his face and, indeed, over his whole body was a deprecating one. He reminded me of a dog who has transgressed and begs humbly for forgiveness. He had no newspaper, and accepted the offer of one of mine with a deference of gratitude that struck me as excessive. Soon after that we slid into a conversation about the War and made most of the usual remarks.
"It's wonderful," he said, "how the country maintains its financial stability. Five millions a day, you know. It's a pretty big sum, and yet nobody seems to feel it. Here we are, for instance, you and I, travelling first-class."
"My next season-ticket is going to be third-class," I said. "All business has been hit very hard, and we've simply got to economise."
"I daresay, I daresay," he said. "It may be so with some businesses. All I know is my business hasn't gone off."
"Shipowner?" I said.
He gasped and shook his head emphatically. "Oh dear, no," he said. "Nothing of that kind--wish I was. But you won't guess what I do, not if I were to let you have a thousand guesses." His humility had vanished and he looked almost triumphant.
"I give it up at once," I said. "What are you?"
"I," he said, "am the National Scape-Goat Association."
He repeated his words. "I see you don't understand," he went on, "so perhaps I'd better explain."
"Yes," I said, "much better."
"Well, it's this way," he said. "Have you ever written a book or been a Candidate for a seat in the House of Commons?"
I said I hadn't.
"It doesn't matter," he said. "You'll understand what I mean. Take the politician first. He issues an Address and makes speeches; in fact, does things which make him known to thousands of people whom he doesn't know. Do you follow me?"
I said I did.
"Well, then, somebody posts back his Election Address with 'This is pitiful balderdash and most ungrammatical' written plainly at the bottom of it. What would be your feelings if you got a thing like that?"
"I shouldn't like it," I said.
Kipling Revised.
Well, now they've got it.
Very disappointing! Not even a whole copper.
From the report of a Dairyman's Association:--
If they must use water in their milk we are glad to think that the Nile is only their second choice.
We would not go so far as to say impossible, but they certainly seem to have difficulties ahead.
It looks rather as if the fruit might disagree with you.
Under the heading, "Musical Instruments, etc.":--
You should hear these musical instruments throw off "Yankee-doodle."
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
Save the Mark!
Germany's last word:--
And a very pretty word too. But it does not surprise us to learn from the German Press that the Legislature will probably have to devote at least three weeks to the discussion of the subject which it defines.
From a book catalogue:--
It is thought that these must be portraits of German princesses taken before the War had deprived them of their usual supply of butter.
"ARTIST, Academy Exhibitor, paints gentlemen's residences."
Another result, no doubt, of the exigencies of War, but rather hard on the ordinary house-decorator.
Add to tbrJar First Page Next Page Prev Page