Read Ebook: Stephen H. Branch's Alligator Vol. 1 no. 13 July 17 1858 by Branch Stephen H Editor

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Life of Stephen H. Branch. 1

A Primary Election at Peter 2 Cooper's Funny Little Grocery-Groggery, at the corner of the Bowery and Stuyversant Street, in 1820.

A Precious Fossil. 2

Editorial Career of James 3 Gordon Bennett.

Fools. 3

Advertisements. 4

Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1857, by

STEPHEN H. BRANCH,

In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the Southern District of New York.

Life of Stephen H. Branch.

While Horace Greeley and myself were in conversation over our breakfast at the Graham House, Goss escorted Fred Douglas and lady to the table, who took seats near us. I knew not who they were, nor do I know that Greeley did, but I think he did. They had arrived the previous night, and this was my first knowledge that Goss kept colored boarders, who politely helped them, and took a seat beside them, and conversed on their favorite theme of anti-slavery. I stared at Goss and Fred and lady and at Greeley, who gave me a sly glance, and ate his bran mush and molasses as though nothing unusual was transpiring. I finished my mush, and retired, and felt that Goss had perpetrated a gross impropriety. And although I was then teaching negroes in the kitchens of New York, amid slush and kettles and frying pans, and thus evinced my warm desire to elevate the whole African race, yet my feelings were so grossly outraged by this unnatural and disgusting amalgamation, that I went to Major Mordecah M. Noah, and told him the whole story, who opened a tremendous broadside on Greeley, who dared Noah to reveal the name of his informant, although he knew I must be the man. I besought Noah not to disclose my name, as I did not desire to have a controversy with Greeley about Graham bread and Africans. Noah promised he would not, but he discharged such caustic and unceasing broadsides, and poked so much fun at Greeley, for breakfasting with negroes, that he again ferociously demanded Noah to disclose the name of his cowardly informant. I again implored Noah to stand firmly, and not to divulge my name. Noah said that he did not see how he could avoid it, as Greeley had made such a savage demand. But I induced him, after long and plaintive importunity, not to expose me, and Noah soon withdrew his forces from Africa, and attacked Greeley on his native hills of America, on the subject of the Tariff and other themes. And in their deluge of words and detraction, I did not molest Noah, nor any of his descendants, save to pawn some of my traps occasionally to pay Goss my weekly board. Greeley snarled and growled at me for weeks, but he had a conciliatory nature, and magnanimously forgave me, and, we were better friends than ever. I admired the humor and genial nature of Major Noah, and I respected the transcendental talents of Horace Greeley, but I did not wish to be devoured by their gladiatorial collisions, although I was the sole origin of their editorial combat. Rhode Island was now on the verge of civil war. My father addressed the first assemblage at the old Town House, in Providence, against the revolutionary doctrines of Thomas Wilson Dorr, and harangued the friend's of Law and Order in various parts of the State. My brother Henry came to New York, and told me that my father had received letters from the insurgents, warning him to prepare to meet his God, and was insulted by ruffians while crossing Providence bridge, who threatened to destroy his property, if he did not cease his inflammatory speeches against them, and that father defied them, and told them that they might burn his houses, but they could not burn his land. I went to Providence, and was saluted by father in tones of the purest affection. I slept at his house, for several nights, and joined the City Guards, and my company was assigned a position on the west side of the bridge, to guard the city from sunset till sunrise. News came that old General Green's Kentish Guards, of East Greenwich, commanded by Captain Allen, had fired on the insurgents at Pawtucket, five miles from Providence, and killed and wounded half a dozen of the rebels, and my Company was immediately sent to relieve the Kentish Guards. Just prior to entering Pawtucket, the Dorr women belched from their doors and windows the most disgusting ejaculations, and I heard one virago exclaim: "An't you a precious gang of soldiers? You look as though Providence had taken a powerful emetic." This was a hard dose, but it came from one who bore the form and garb of a lady, and we had to swallow it without a murmur. Ex-Governor Earle came from Pawtucket on the wings of lightning, and told us it would be instant death for us to enter Pawtucket without more men, but, much to my regret, our Captain ordered us to follow him into the town, whose streets were crowded with desperate outlaws, who were hooting and hurling stones and fragments of iron at the Kentish Guards, who were literally surrounded by the mob. When Captain Allen saw our Company approach, he instantly arrayed us against the insurgents for fatal action, and, taking out his watch, told the beligerent thousands present, that if they did not disperse in ten minutes, he would fire upon them. I suffered more in these ten minutes, than in all my life, because I feared the rascals wouldn't go, and we would have to fire at them. I had the dyspepsia most horribly, and had all my pockets stuffed with chunks of Graham bread, for a warrior's rations, and was reduced to an utter skeleton, and could hardly hold my heavy musket perpendicularly, and my bones fairly rattled when the bloody words of Captain Allen fell upon my ears. I had never fired a gun but once, and that was at a snake at Topsfield, Massachusetts, and although the muzzle was within an inch of his head, the ball passed into the ground, and the snake fled before I could reload my gun. And yet I feared I might shed human blood, and perhaps kill one or more, if Captain Allen ordered my Company to fire at the Dorrites. And I was very sure I would fall like a dead man, from the effect upon my dyspeptic nerves of fright and thundering noise caused by the simultaneous discharge of one hundred muskets. And I actually envied the rebels who could escape from peril, while I could not, as I had a gun, cap and knapsack, and was hemmed in by my comrades. I could not exchange my clothes, and was closely watched by the insurgents, and if I left the ranks, I might be shot by my own companions in arms, and if I escaped their fire, the insurgents themselves might instantly dispatch me. The fatal ten minutes had nearly expired, and I supposed my time had come, as I felt sure if we fired, that two thousand ruffians would rush upon us, and hack us to bleeding fragments. I looked up to the brilliant stars, but with all their cheerfulness and fascination, I feared to have my soul approach their glittering realms. I looked down upon the green earth, and I desired not an eternal abode for my butchered carcase below its fragrant surface. To kill a man I thought would be horrible, and forever cause unpleasant dreams. But to be killed myself, by the enemy, seemed still more horrible. And I resolved to put nothing but powder in my gun, so that I could not kill or wound the Dorrites. I regretted that I could not slyly tell them of my humane resolves, so that they could evince similar clemency towards me, when we came together hand to hand, and foot to foot, and nails to nails, and nose to nose, and belly to belly, and teeth to teeth. The ten minutes elapsed, and the rebels remained and yelled and stoned and defied us. Captain Allen passed along the line, and told us we had got bloody work before us, and besought us to be firm, and reload our muskets quickly, and fire at the hearts of our adversaries, and we would conquer them, although they numbered thousands, and we only hundreds. I came near falling at this intelligence, and leaned very heavily against the soldiers on either side of me, who threatened to shoot me if I didn't stand straighter, which straightened me mighty quick. Captain Allen spoke of American patriotism, and our duty to our native State, and to the United States, and of the valor of Green and Perry, but I scarcely heard what he said, as my terrified mind was contemplating the horrors of an instant and bloody doom, and my gloomy prospects beyond the grave. Captain Allen takes out his watch, and draws his sword, and I look towards Heaven, and engage in a most solemn silent prayer, as I now expect to die in about five minutes.

A Primary Election at Peter Cooper's Funny Little Grocery-Groggery, at the corner of the Bowery and Stuyversant Street, in 1820.

HALF AN HOUR BEFORE DAYLIGHT.

Stephen H. Branch's Alligator.

NEW YORK, SATURDAY, JULY 17, 1858.

STEPHEN H. BRANCH'S "ALLIGATOR" CAN BE obtained at all hours, at wholesale and retail, at No. 114 Nassau Street, , near Ann Street, New York.

A Precious Fossil.

The following CARD was placed in every house and store and workshop in 1843, by direction of Daniel F. Tiemann, and was published in all the newspapers of that memorable period:

"TO THE VOTERS IN THIS HOUSE.

The inclosed Ticket is presented by the American Republican Party, for your suffrage--it is composed exclusively of Americans who have withdrawn from the great contending parties of the day, for the sake of the country and its institutions; their character and standing in the community is well known to be unexceptionable and highly honorable; they have pledged themselves, if elected, to support and carry out the principles of this party, which are as follows, viz:--

This will do pretty well for a man whose father is a Holland Dutchman, and cannot now speak the American language so as to be easily understood,--who is appointing the ejected garroters of European Capitals, to the most lucrative and honorable positions, while poor and honest and intelligent Americans are haughtily denied the humblest appointments in his gift,--who has toiled with sleepless vigilance,--since his recent election as Mayor by the Americans,--to reinstate the odious George W. Matsell, and who has, after an arduous struggle, succeeded in effecting the reappointment of Captain Leonard, a Canadian, and of Captain Dowling, an Irishman, who were smuggled back to their old quarters by Cooper, Gerard, Tiemann, Bowen, and Stranaham, to cut the throat of Seward, and to diffuse poison through the Police Department, and to re-create the perjured carcase of Matsell on the ruins of Tallmadge and Wm. Curtis Noyes, his noble son-in-law. Tiemann aspires to the honors of a Governor, and himself and his brother Edward Cooper, are appointing all the ruffians of both hemispheres to office, to effect the nomination and election of Tiemann as Governor of the Empire State. But Peter, and Daniel, and Edward will be foiled. No man can attain the distinguished honors of America, who prostitutes his own integrity and that of his fellow citizens, to effect his ungodly designs. Aaron Burr and other ambitious rogues tried that experiment, and they were resisted and foiled by the God who loves and protects our beloved America, and they went down to ignominious graves, whose ashes will be loathed and trampled by a thousand generations. Mayor Tiemann is a ninny and a hypocrite--has basely disowned his native Holland skies--has never been naturalized--bamboozled the Americans in 1843 and 1857--loves neither American nor foreigner, nor his God--but adores himself and Peter Cooper, and fears George W. Matsell and his Matron Mistress on Randall's Island, whom he forced and nearly strangled, while he committed a deed of hell, in the violation of her person, for which, in any city of Europe, he would be dragged to a dungeon or the block, and perhaps torn to pieces in the market place, by the indignant and phrensied populace.

Editorial Career of James Gordon Bennett.

JOHN KELLY'S HOME.

Fools.

Bennett and Hudson supposed they could check the circulation of the "ALLIGATOR," among the honest masses, who have been kicked and cuffed and sold by the Bennett's, and Greeley's, and Raymond's, since the immortal Pudding Dinner of Benjamin Franklin, to the wicked aristocracy and tories of Philadelphia, who threatened to crush Franklin's bold and independent Journal, but who got egregiously mistaken. Stop my "ALLIGATOR!" Eh? You could as easily dam the thundering torrents of Niagara, that have sublimely rolled into their rocky beds for unnumbered ages. Withhold my "ALLIGATOR" from the glad embraces of the intelligent and industrial classes! Eh? First strive to roll back the Father of Waters to its sources in the mountain wilderness, or beat back the God of Day, or stop the Revolutions of the Globe! Stop my "ALLIGATOR!" Eh? Fools, fools, fools!

Advertisements--25 Cents a line.

Credit--From two to four seconds, or as long as the Advertiser can hold his breath! Letters and Advertisements to be left at No. 114 Nassau street, second story, front room.

NOTICE TO FARMERS AND MARKET GARDENERS.--CITY INSPECTOR'S DEPARTMENT, New York, June 16, 1858.--In conformity with the following resolution, the space therein mentioned will be permitted to be used as a place, by farmers and gardeners, for the sale of vegetables and garden produce, until the hour of 12 o'clock, M., daily--the use to be free of charge:

Resolved, That permission be, and is hereby, given to farmers and market gardeners, to occupy daily, until 12 M., free of charge, the vacant space of the northern and southern extremities of the intersection of Broadway and Sixth avenue, between Thirty-second and Thirty-fifth streets, without infringing upon the streets which the said space intersects, for the purpose only of selling vegetables and market produce, of their own farms or gardens, under the supervision of the City Inspector.

Also, by resolution of the Common Council, The use of Gouverneur slip is granted to farmers and gardeners for the sale of produce from wagons.

GEO. W. MORTON, City Inspector. JOSEPH CANNING, Sup't of Markets.

NOTICE--TO PERSONS KEEPING SWINE, OWNERS OF PROPERTY WHERE THE SAME MAY BE KEPT, AND ALL OTHERS INTERESTED. At a meeting of the Mayor and Commissioners of Health, held at the City Hall of the City of New York, Friday, June 18th, 1858, the following preamble and resolutions were adopted:

Whereas, A large number of swine are kept in various portions of the city; and whereas, it is the general practice of persons so keeping swine, to boil offal and kitchen refuse and garbage, whereby a highly offensive and dangerous nuisance is created, therefore, be it

Resolved, That this Board, of the Mayor and Commissioners of Health, deeming swine kept south of street, in this city, to be creative of a nuisance and detrimental to the public health, therefore, the City Inspector be, and he is hereby, authorized and directed to take, seize, and remove from any and all places and premises, all and every swine found or kept on any premises in any place in the city of New York southerly of said street, and to cause all such swine to be removed to the Public Pound, or other suitable place beyond the limits of the city or northerly of said street, and to cause all premises or places wherein, or on which, said swine may have been so found or kept, to be thoroughly cleaned and purified as the City Inspector shall deem necessary to secure the preservation of the public health, and that all expenses incurred thereby constitute a lien on the lot, lots or premises from which said nuisance shall have been abated or removed.

Resolved, That the foregoing resolutions shall take effect from and after the first day of July next, and that public notice be given of the same by publication in the Corporation papers to that date, and that notice may be given to persons keeping swine by circulars delivered on the premises, and that all violations of this order be prosecuted by the proper legal authorities, on complaint from the City Inspector or his officers.

CITY INSPECTOR'S DEPARTMENT, } New York, June 18, 1858. }

All persons keeping swine, or upon whose property or premises the same may be kept, are hereby notified that the above resolutions will be strictly enforced from and after the first day of July next.

GEO. W. MORTON, City Inspector.

FRANCIS B. BALDWIN, WHOLESALE and RETAIL CLOTHING & FURNISHING WAREHOUSE, 70 and 72 Bowery, between Canal and Hester sts., New York. Large and elegant assortment of Youths' and Boys' Clothing.

F. B. BALDWIN, J. G. BARNUM.

F. B. BALDWIN has just opened his New and Immense Establishment. THE LARGEST IN THE CITY! An entire New Stock of GENTLEMEN'S, YOUTH'S and CHILDREN'S CLOTHING, recently manufactured by the best workmen in the city, is now opened for inspection. Also, a superior stock of FURNISHING GOODS. All articles are of the Best Quality, and having been purchased during the crisis, WILL BE SOLD VERY LOW! The Custom Department contains the greatest variety of CLOTHS, CASSIMERES, and VESTINGS.

Mr. BALDWIN has associated with him Mr. J. G. BARNUM, who has had great experience in the business, having been thirty years connected with the leading Clothing Establishments of the city.

THOMAS A. DUNN, 506 EIGHTH AVENUE, has a very choice assortment of Wines, Brandies, Cordials, and Segars, which he will sell at prices that will yield a fair profit. All my democratic friends, and my immediate associates in the Boards of Aldermen and Councilmen are respectfully invited to call in their rambles through Eighth Avenue, and enjoy a good Havana segar, and nice, sparkling champagne, and very exhilerating brandy. For the segars, I will charge my political friends and associates only five pence each, and for the brandy only ten pence per half gill, and for the champagne only four shillings a glass, or two dollars a bottle.

So call, kind friends, and sing a glee, And laugh and smoke and drink with me, Sweet Sangaree Till you can't see: --At your expense! For my fingers do you see O'er my nose gyrating free?

THOMAS A. DUNN, No. 506 Eighth avenue.

J. VAN TINE, SHANGAE RESTAURANT, No. 2, Dey street, New York.

COREY AND SON, MERCHANT'S EXCHANGE, Wall street, New York.--Notaries Public and Commissioners.--United State's Passports issued in 36 hours,--Bills of Exchange, Drafts, and Notes protested,--Marine protests noted and extended.

EDWIN F. COREY, EDWIN F. COREY, JR.

MRS. S. S. BIRD'S LADIES' AND GENTLEMEN'S Dining and Oyster Saloons, No. 31 Canal street, near East Broadway, and 264 Division street, New York.

Oysters Pickled to Order.

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