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Words: 139488 in 68 pages
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THE HUMORS OF FALCONBRIDGE.
If it ain't right, I'll make it all right in the Morning!
A keen, genteely dressed, gentlemanly man "put up" at Beltzhoover's Hotel, in Baltimore, one day some years ago, and after dining very sumptuously every day, drinking his Otard, Margieux and Heidsic, and smoking his "Tras," "Byrons," and "Cassadoras," until the landlord began to surmise the "bill" getting voluminous, he made the clerk foot it up and present it to our modern Don Caesar De Bazan, who, casting his eye over the long lines of perpendicularly arranged figures, discovered that--which in no wise alarmed him, however--he was in for a matter of a cool C!
"No doubt at all, sir," says the polite clerk,--"we seldom present a bill, sir, until the gentlemen are about to leave, sir; but when the bills are unusually large, sir--"
"O, no doubt of it, sir; it is very expensive to keep company, and entertain the government officers, at Washington, sir," the clerk replies.
"Very good, sir; that will answer, sir," says the clerk, about to bow himself out of the room.
"One moment, if you please, my dear fellow; that Marteux of yours is really superb. A friend dined here yesterday with me--he is a--a gentleman who imports a--a great deal of wine; he a--a--pronounces your Schreider an elegant article. I shall entertain some friends to-night, here, and do you see that we have sufficient of that 'Marteux' and 'Schreider' cooling for us; my friends are judges of a pure article, and a--a I wish them to have a--a good opinion of your house. Understand?"
"Ah, yes, sir; that'll be all right," says the clerk.
"Of course; if it ain't, I'll make it all right in the morning!" says the Don Caesar, as the official vanished.
"Well, Charles, did you present that gentleman's bill?" asks the host of the clerk, as they met at "the office."
"Yes, sir; he says it's all right, or he'll make it all right in the morning, sir," replies the clerk.
That evening a Captain Jones called on Don Caesar--a servant carried up the card--Captain Jones was requested to walk up. Lieutenant Smith, U. S. N., next called--"walk up." Dr. Brown called--"walk up." Col. Green, his card--"walk up;" and so on, until some six or eight distinguished persons were walked up to Don Caesar's private parlor; and pretty soon the silver necks were brought up, corks were popping, glasses were clinking, jests and laughter rose above the wine and cigars, and Don Caesar was putting his friends through in the most approved style!
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