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Editor: Francis Burnand
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
VOL. 104.
FEBRUARY 18, 1893.
PHANTASMA-GORE-IA!
It may be this--that the Villain base Has insulted the hero's girl; It may be this--that he's brought disgrace On a wretchedly-acted Earl. I care not which it may chance to be, Only this do I chance to know-- A cliff looks down at a canvas sea And some property rocks below!
You say, perhaps, it is only there From a love of the picturesque-- You hint, maybe, that it takes no share In the plot of this weird burlesque; But cliffs that tremble at every touch, And that flap in the dreadful draught, Have something better to do--ah, much! Than to criticise Nature's craft!
And now there comes to the Villain bold The unfortunate Villain Two. He's here to ask for the promised gold For the deeds he has had to do. But words run high, and a struggle strong Sends the cliff rocking to and fro, And Villain Two topples off ere long To the property rocks below!
The scene is changed. The revolving cliff Now exhibits its other side. The corpse is there, looking very stiff-- Even more than before it died! The crime is traced to the hero JACK, Notwithstanding the stupids know Deceased was thrown by the Villain black To the property rocks below!
RHYMES FOR READERS OF REMINISCENCES.
If the day's pitchy, Take up ANNE THACKERAY RITCHIE! If you're feeling "quisby-snitchy," Seek the fire--and read your RITCHIE! If your nerves are slack or twitchy, Quiet them with soothing RITCHIE. If you're dull as water ditchy, You'll be cheered by roseate RITCHIE. Be you achey, sore, chill, itchy, Rest you'll find in Mrs. RITCHIE! May her light ne'er shine with slacker ray, Gentle daughter of great THACKERAY!
"WORDS! WORDS! WORDS!"--The decision in "the Missing Words Competition" is, in effect, "No more words about it, but hand over the ?23,628 to the National Debt Commissioners." Advice this of STIRLING value.
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